Cutting Dialogue Tags

Dialogue tags— the said and asked we use to connect the speakers name to the dialogue—keeps our writing from using deep POV. Deep POV is the pure viewpoint of the character in a scene whether in first or third person. Authors know that first person is more personal and provides the deepest form of POV possible. But authors have also learned that they can add more depth to POV by avoiding phrases such as I believe and I think and even more by discontinuing to use dialogue tags.

In my last three novels, I have cut all dialogue tags. You will find no characters using said or asked (or any other tag — and those should be tossed into the trash anyway). By cutting dialogue tags, I was forced to use action beats, emotion, introspection, and description to help the reader identify the speaker.

When dialogue is between two people, lines can be spoken without any tags or action beats two or three times before something is needed to remind the reader who’s talking. The easiest way to explain it is to provide an example. This is from my March, 2011 release, A Dad Of His Own. Story background: Ethan represents Dreams Come True Foundation that provides dreams and wishes for sick children. Lexie is the POV character and is the mother of a young boy with leukemia. Here’s the dialogue sample:

Ethan rested his hand on the back of a chair. “No men in this group, I see. Why is that?”

“The M in MOSK stands for mothers. Mothers of Special Kids. ” Still, he’d made a point. She studied his face, wondering why support for men interested him. “A number of us are single mothers, and the married women haven’t asked about men in the group.” But the question did arouse her curiosity. “You’re a man. Do you think--”

“Glad you noticed.” A twinkle lit his eyes.

His look tripped her pulse, and she worked to regained her composure. “As I was saying, do men really want to talk about their feelings?” She eyed him. “I thought men preferred to take action. We have so little we can do to make things better. It’s the emotional ups and downs that cause us problems.”

His smile had faded. “True for many men, I suppose.” He motioned toward the front of the room. “So, what did you think?”

“About Dreams Come True?”

The corners of his mouth edged upward.

“The idea is wonderful, but. . .” Why had she added but? From his expression, she’d put a damper on his excitement about offering trips and fulfilling kids’ hopes. “My son isn’t well enough. He’s being home schooled right now. Clawson district has been great with his schoolwork, but it’s not the same. A child wants to attend school.”

Understanding filled his face. “They miss the friendships and being part of it all. It makes learning more fun.”

“I think it does, too.” His compassion touched her. “It’s not that your foundation isn’t a lovely idea. It is. Whoever started this certainly has a generous heart.”

His eyes searched hers.

Perspiration dampened her palms, and she ran her free hand down her pant leg while her other clung to her shoulder bag strap.

A faint frown darkened his face. “But it won’t work for some kids. That’s what you’re saying.”

She closed her eyes and opened them again releasing a ragged breath. “Yes. Some aren’t well enough to enjoy trips or days at an amusement park.”

“But one day maybe. Illnesses go into remission. Sometimes they nearly vanish. Isn’t that true?”

“True.” Curiosity spiked Lexie’s thoughts. “Have you had a child with--?”

“I don’t have any children.” His shoulders lifted. “I’m not married, and I’ve only read up on children’s illnesses and read about remissions that cause physicians to marvel. I realize that’s nothing like living it.”

Not married. Single as she was. She studied his face, wanting to know more about him. “It’s thoughtful that you’ve taken the time to understand what our kids go through.”

His expression softened. “But it’s not just the children. It’s families. So many without hope.”

He’d hit truth on the head. She’d tried to keep hope foremost in her mind.

As you read this scene, you can follow the dialogue without using tags, and instead, action, emotion and introspection is used to identify the speaker, to heighten the tension and to help readers draw closer to the POV character, Lexie. Try using this technique for some of the scenes in your novel. Cut tags as much as you can. And remember, do not use anything other than said or asked. Let your writing provide the power and dynamics of the words. Be a strong writer, not a weak one. Since I’ve stopped using tags, they jump out at me when I read other’s novels.

Growing Your Fiction Sales

Through the years, I’ve watched my friends use different strategies to help their fiction sales grow. Some work and some don’t, but the ones who’ve found success, provides us with lessons so that we might learn from them and try some of their techniques. Obviously sales grow most when your work is in the bookstores and when it is promoted and distributed by your publisher. So this means, mainly working with traditional publishers. Mine put my novels in store—book stores, grocery stores, super marts, and any place books are sold. They also provide them as print books and downloads on sites like Amazon.

But you can also spread the word in a variety of ways.

• Networking in person and picking up fans through network sites is an important strategy. Make friends with your local bookstores and libraries. Network also in the locations where your novels are set. When I research a town with a personal visit, I make contact with book sellers, with shop owners and even the Chamber of Commerce, any place that might be interested in spreading the word about my novel. These contacts can provide opportunities to return to the location for booksignings or other events where your books can be sold. Everyone loves to read books set in their town and even their state.

• Connecting with large blog tours works. Make sure you’re connecting with those blogs that have a similar audience to your own genre and those that are active blog sites. Readers may not spend time reading a full interview, but they will see the cover, read your name, and probably read the back-cover blurb. This works so much better than paying for advertising which is usually a waste of your money. Having an enticing, well-done trailer, can also arouse interest with readers. I have purchased books by viewing a quality book trailer. But word of mouth is the best form of advertising you can have.

• Providing a blog that teaches writing techniques or editing skills, anything that captures the interest of writers who are usually avid readers. Reading others work in your genre is a learning tool, and why not read a book written by an author who is providing you with good writing tools.

• Give your books free to reviewers of quality review sites and those who are willing to be influencers. Ask them—but only if they enjoy your novel—to spread the word through social networking, their blogs as well as short reviews or comments at online bookstores. Check out my novel - A DAD OF HIS OWN - at Amazon.com. Notice the number of comments. These people read the novel and offered their opinions of the book. Reader’s snail and email also validated the same kind of comments so I knew those who took the time to spread the word meant what they said.

• Booksingings can be a waste of time, but use the opportunity for group booksignings which brings in a larger crowd and will usually provide better sales for your books. Besides bookstores, book festivals and book fairs also offer booksignings for authors. Use this time to network as well as meet readers and potential readers. Don’t sit. Stand and give them a welcoming smile along with a hello. They may walk past the first time through, but they sometimes come back to chat. That’s a good first step in introducing your work to a new reader.

• Present workshops at writing conferences and if you have expertise in a subject, seek speaking events where you can talk about your skill and then bring along your books for a book signing. From these events—if you are an excellent speaker—others often ask you to speak at their events. I write Christian fiction and have been a licensed counselor for years, so I have developed numerous faith-based topics and am now a popular speaker at women’s events in both churches, civic organizations and libraries. I don’t talk about my books, but my novels often deal with faith and human issues where I use my counseling expertise. Build a platform by speaking whether you write fiction or non-fiction.

Other strategies can be used, and one of the most important is writing a quality novel that grabs readers, but these are a few strategies you can do without a lot of expense. They have proven themselves as worthwhile methods of growing new readers and advancing your sales.

Dialogue and The Telephone

Two questions came to the comments on my recent blog covering the topic of dialogue. I thought the questions were meaningful for other writers and will repeat them so others can benefit. The questions involved dialogue during telephone conversations.

A reader asked these questions:
I've been told when writing telephone conversations not to include the other end of the conversation since it looks awkward. Maybe you disagree. But that being so, how does one break up the main character's words to allow space for the other person's unheard reply? The author of web-site http://creative-writing-course.thecraftywriter.com suggests breaking up the conversation using ellipses, when the other person speaks. What do you think?

Another reader asked this question on the same topic:
I often wonder the same thing. I even wonder how to keep the conversation going sometimes.

My response to the last question first:
Since telephone conversations are basically passive scenes, they are used to impart new information that is needed for the story line or to create conflict. Chitchat is not part of the conversation. Begin the conversation at the meat of the discussion. For example, if the phone rings and the main character answers, use a transaction, such as: His mind wandered until she ask him the question. “Is our marriage over?” Once the information or conflict set-up ends, don't drag on the call just end it with a line such as: When the conversation ended, he caved into a chair trying to decide what to do.

Now to the two earlier questions:
If the conversation is with a main character who has a POV, I use both parts of the conversation. This example is from my suspense novel, Finding Christmas. Benjamin is a friend of Joanne and her deceased husband. Joanne’s child died in the same accident with her husband and the body was never found. At the third anniversary of their deaths, she has a premonition that her three-year old daughter is still alive. Example:

The telephone’s ring pierced the silence, and Joanne’s heart rose to her throat. She darted across the room and grasped the receiver, and when she said hello, her voice sounded breathless and strained to her.

“Joanne?”

Her pulse skipped, hearing her name. Like echoes across a canyon, the familiar voice reverberated through the line. “Benjamin?”

“It’s me. What in the world is wrong?”

She crumpled into a chair, clutched her chest to calm the thudding that felt as if it would break her ribs. “It’s a long story. I can’t talk about it now.” Tears filled her eyes-—tears of relief and anxiety.

“It’s okay,” he said, his voice as reassuring as a morning cup of coffee.

“Where are you?” She tried to get her thoughts together.

“Here in Detroit. I’m back.”

Gail says:
In this case the conversation works with both parties. It’s clear who is speaking since each new paragraph is the next speaker, and the POV character, Joanne shares her actions and introspection with the reader. The other voice—in this case Benejamin—would not.

If the call is incidental but important to the main character, I usually use a one-sided conversation, and let the reader in on what's being said through the main characters' thoughts and actions. In this example, Benjamin answer’s Joanne’s phone for her, and his dialogue helps explain who is on the phone. The importance of this scene is Joanne has been getting strange telephone calls.

“Want me to get it?” Benjamin asked, glancing at the phone but seeming to be more interested in her burn.

“Please.” She studied her throbbing red skin as the cool water washed over it and listened to Benjamin’s voice on the telephone.

“It’s a woman from your office,” he said, holding the receiver toward her. “Do you want to call her back?”

“No. I’ll take it.” She grasped the phone, guessing what the caller wanted. “I’ll remember, Nita. Thanks for calling.” As she listened to her coworker, Joanne glanced Benjamin’s way and felt an embarrassed grin grow on her face. “No, you didn’t interrupt anything. An old friend is visiting. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Gail says:
Though you don't hear Nita's words, you understand the purpose of her call and you catch the innuendo of the conversation by Joanne's embarrassment.

This example shows a one sided call:
Joanne pressed the telephone to her ear and listened through the background sound to silence on the other end of the wire.

“Hello,” she said again.

Nothing. She lowered her gaze to the caller ID. Blocked. She hated crank calls, especially now that she’d become so edgy.

“Can I help you?” Her irritation rasped in her voice. She listened a second more until a faint sound like a moan wavered across the wire, sending a chill prickling down her spine. She closed her eyes, then dropped the phone onto the cradle and sank into the kitchen chair.

Two-sided - one character identified
This telephone scene is two-sided although the person calling Joanne is unidentified, but how the person speaks is significant to the story so I used both sides of the conversation.

As she wielded the knife, making the final slice, the telephone rang, and when she jumped, the knife slipped against her index finger, slashing the skin. The sting startled her, and she jerked her hand away from the cutting board. Blood oozed from the wound, and she held her hand over the sink while she grabbed paper towel.

After wrapping her finger, she picked up the receiver and said hello. The familiar silence ran through the wire. Bitterness, yet victory filled her as she eyed the blood seeping through the toweling. She needed this third call for the police.

“Hello,” she said again. It was the same pattern. She talked. The caller didn’t.

“I-I shouldn’t have called,” a woman whispered.

Joanne’s legs jerked with tremors. “Who are you?” Her mind spun.

The woman didn’t answer, and Joanne waited for the hangup. She heard an intake of breath and then a whisper.

“Was your daughter’s body found after the accident?”

Her daughter’s body. Joanne heard a moan, but this time it came from her. She grasped the wall for support. “No,” she whispered. “Please leave me alone.” She slammed down the phone without waiting for a response, then gasped, realizing she’d made a profound mistake. She snatched the receiver from the cradle only to hear a dial tone.

This scene introduces an important character to Joanne’s search for her daughter and builds emotion for the readers.

I hope these examples gives you some ideas on handling telephone conversations in your fiction. I have never heard of using ellipses to depict the other person’s conversation, and I believe it would be distracting to the reader. It would be to me. It also shows weak writing since it takes more skill to bring the conversation to life without hearing the other voice. I would suggest you avoid such a technique. I assume the author of the website on creative writing is not a novelist.

Enhancing Dialogue

Dialogue becomes real when the character’s speak as real people do. We don’t talk in full sentence, and we don’t stand like sticks as we have conversations. Real people emote. Their voice tone and volume change. Their body and facial expression show the emotion and internal reaction to what’s being said. So action and body language are significant when bringing dialogue to life.

Writing real dialogue for fiction means:
• Cutting the chitchat. Start the dialogue when the important information is in the forefront. Skip the hellos and how-are-yous during face to face and telephone dialogue in fiction. Do not repeat the same information to another character. Once the reader has heard that conversation, use lines such as: He told her what he’d heard. Then you have no need to be repetitive and boring.

• Talk in partial sentences. Sometimes one or two words is all the character needs to respond with realism. Questions can be answered with another question or with evasion by segueing to a new topic. Use contractions. Real people do. Avoid stilted language, and don’t forget that silence adds tension to a novel. Real conversation falls into lulls. Silence gives a character time to think. Use it effectively.

• Recall lines in other novels or movies that have grabbed you. Who doesn’t know the last line of Gone with the Wind? “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.” Don’t steal the line, but rework it with your own take and create something fresh and new, or dissect the reaction that a line makes, and find your own dramatic line that readers will remember.

• Speak lines aloud. Become an actor in the privacy of your writing space and deliver the lines between two people, feeling the emotion and allowing your words to fly from you without thought. Speak with abandon. Record it if you can. Then put it on paper and see how real it becomes. Use a text to voice program so you can listen to your dialogue as well as the narrative.

Blending dialogue with narration:
Narration comes in a variety of forms from introspection (a character’s thoughts) to descriptions of setting and of action.

• Show character’s emotions and/or attitude by showing facial expression and body language. The “show and tell” element of fiction enhances a scene and helps create deeper POV by not using tags to distance the reader.

• Saying he was angry is weak. Instead bring it to life. His expression darkened as his jaw tensed and his eyes narrowed. Now you see the anger.

• Use gestures, motions, action beats to enhance realism. We’re not sticks and our face and body respond when we talk. Have your characters shift their feet, pace the room, fold clothes, twirl their hair, swing their arms, weave their fingers together, rest their chin on their fist. This is what real people do.

• When characters walk, give them a more defined action and use it to reflect their attitude and personality. She strutted across the room. That’s so much more vivid than saying walked. He moseyed toward her. You can see the casual, laid-back attitude. The child skipped into the room. You pick up an emotion here. Happy or excited. Don’t forget frustration, anger, disappointment. Let the character stomp or trudge.

• Personalities allow characters to respond in different ways. Some slam a door when irked. Others turn their backs and walk away. Some throw their hands over their faces and weep. Allow your characters to come to life by the emotion and action beats you use in your novel.

By keeping these ideas in mind, you can enhance your dialogue and make it more real.