Dialogue tags— the said and asked we use to connect the speakers name to the dialogue—keeps our writing from using deep POV. Deep POV is the pure viewpoint of the character in a scene whether in first or third person. Authors know that first person is more personal and provides the deepest form of POV possible. But authors have also learned that they can add more depth to POV by avoiding phrases such as I believe and I think and even more by discontinuing to use dialogue tags.
In my last three novels, I have cut all dialogue tags. You will find no characters using said or asked (or any other tag — and those should be tossed into the trash anyway). By cutting dialogue tags, I was forced to use action beats, emotion, introspection, and description to help the reader identify the speaker.
When dialogue is between two people, lines can be spoken without any tags or action beats two or three times before something is needed to remind the reader who’s talking. The easiest way to explain it is to provide an example. This is from my March, 2011 release, A Dad Of His Own. Story background: Ethan represents Dreams Come True Foundation that provides dreams and wishes for sick children. Lexie is the POV character and is the mother of a young boy with leukemia. Here’s the dialogue sample:
Ethan rested his hand on the back of a chair. “No men in this group, I see. Why is that?”
“The M in MOSK stands for mothers. Mothers of Special Kids. ” Still, he’d made a point. She studied his face, wondering why support for men interested him. “A number of us are single mothers, and the married women haven’t asked about men in the group.” But the question did arouse her curiosity. “You’re a man. Do you think--”
“Glad you noticed.” A twinkle lit his eyes.
His look tripped her pulse, and she worked to regained her composure. “As I was saying, do men really want to talk about their feelings?” She eyed him. “I thought men preferred to take action. We have so little we can do to make things better. It’s the emotional ups and downs that cause us problems.”
His smile had faded. “True for many men, I suppose.” He motioned toward the front of the room. “So, what did you think?”
“About Dreams Come True?”
The corners of his mouth edged upward.
“The idea is wonderful, but. . .” Why had she added but? From his expression, she’d put a damper on his excitement about offering trips and fulfilling kids’ hopes. “My son isn’t well enough. He’s being home schooled right now. Clawson district has been great with his schoolwork, but it’s not the same. A child wants to attend school.”
Understanding filled his face. “They miss the friendships and being part of it all. It makes learning more fun.”
“I think it does, too.” His compassion touched her. “It’s not that your foundation isn’t a lovely idea. It is. Whoever started this certainly has a generous heart.”
His eyes searched hers.
Perspiration dampened her palms, and she ran her free hand down her pant leg while her other clung to her shoulder bag strap.
A faint frown darkened his face. “But it won’t work for some kids. That’s what you’re saying.”
She closed her eyes and opened them again releasing a ragged breath. “Yes. Some aren’t well enough to enjoy trips or days at an amusement park.”
“But one day maybe. Illnesses go into remission. Sometimes they nearly vanish. Isn’t that true?”
“True.” Curiosity spiked Lexie’s thoughts. “Have you had a child with--?”
“I don’t have any children.” His shoulders lifted. “I’m not married, and I’ve only read up on children’s illnesses and read about remissions that cause physicians to marvel. I realize that’s nothing like living it.”
Not married. Single as she was. She studied his face, wanting to know more about him. “It’s thoughtful that you’ve taken the time to understand what our kids go through.”
His expression softened. “But it’s not just the children. It’s families. So many without hope.”
He’d hit truth on the head. She’d tried to keep hope foremost in her mind.
As you read this scene, you can follow the dialogue without using tags, and instead, action, emotion and introspection is used to identify the speaker, to heighten the tension and to help readers draw closer to the POV character, Lexie. Try using this technique for some of the scenes in your novel. Cut tags as much as you can. And remember, do not use anything other than said or asked. Let your writing provide the power and dynamics of the words. Be a strong writer, not a weak one. Since I’ve stopped using tags, they jump out at me when I read other’s novels.
Showing posts with label Deep POV. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Deep POV. Show all posts
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Intimate Storytelling - Part I Character Viewpoint
One thing that first person offers that third doesn’t is an intimacy between the POV character and the reader. In first person, reader can get inside the skin of the main character who is the narrator and and storyteller, but third person can provide a close familiarity between the POV character and the reader by writing in deep POV which also means avoiding author intrusion.
When writers think of author intrusion, most notice it when it is blatant.
The fog lowered over the bay and people in their houses looked out with a sense of loneliness. Some felt fear.
Though the writing is fine, ask yourself who is saying this? How could I look out a window and know that other people were looking at the fog on the bay? How would I know they felt loneliness? Fear? This is author intrusion. It is the old style of writing that we still see in literary fiction, but if you want to sell your novels that reach a wide audience, intimate storytelling is the best way to go.
The first step to create the intimacy is to stay in the POV character throughout the scene. This means that the story is told totally through that character’s eyes and senses. He cannot see what is going on in the next room or behind the door. Comments or information that jerk the reader from the story can happen when the author describes what’s happening in the next room or makes a statement such as: If Brad knew what was behind the closed door, he would run. Or Brad thought he was safe, but later in the day, he would learn the truth. Notice how both of these comments are not coming from Brad but from a God-like narrator who knows all and sees all. This type of writing does not work in popular fiction.
Storytelling intimacy comes by making the POV character real. His reactions fit him so his emotions will follow his personality and character. He may not respond as you would to a situation so make his emotional response true to his nature. Is he a quiet man. He will probably keep his emotions in check. If you’re in his head, he still won’t allow himself to react strongly and what he experiences maybe more a struggle to keep his emotions in check.
Author instruction is also seen when the author allows the character to know something that he couldn’t know yet or never will know. For example, what do you know that’s happening in your home right now? All you know for sure is what your senses tell you. You can only see within the room you are seated. You can’t see behind you unless you guess that no one is there or you might hear no sound which is another of your senses. You might assume your spouse or roommate is preparing a meal if the scent of food drifts into the room. Assumption or a guess is all you can share with the reader unless you can see, feel, taste, touch or smell–and even then what food is being prepared and who is preparing it is only a speculation.
Staying inside the character also requires the author to see the world through that character’s perspective. People perceive using past experience and knowledge. When you create your POV character, you will be wise to know everything about that character’s past—their family, siblings, beliefs, values, discipline style, religious upbringing—anything that will cause the character to look at the world differently than another character. What experiences has this character had? How might that impact his reaction? Would the person’s employment affect his word choice? All of these things must be considered to stay within the character and not slip into your own language style, word choice or values. Each character must stem from his root—his background.
How the character describes the setting, how he views the room, how he views others, all reflects his past. Keep this in mind as you create characters for intimate storytelling.
Forcing story dialogue so you can present backstory or historical information is another way to jerk the reader from the story. If this information needs to be shared with the reader, do it in a natural way. Find a reason that this information might wend its way into the dialogue. Often dialogue sounds silted when the author forces two people to discuss a topic that doesn’t seem to be needed other than provide background information. If two people know each other well, why would the POV character retell the person things the other character would already know. . .unless it is to reveal a secret? These things slip easily into fiction when the author isn’t careful. Even using introspection to provide information about the history of a location can come across as convoluted unless a legitimate reason for the character’s thoughts can be devised.
When writers think of author intrusion, most notice it when it is blatant.
The fog lowered over the bay and people in their houses looked out with a sense of loneliness. Some felt fear.
Though the writing is fine, ask yourself who is saying this? How could I look out a window and know that other people were looking at the fog on the bay? How would I know they felt loneliness? Fear? This is author intrusion. It is the old style of writing that we still see in literary fiction, but if you want to sell your novels that reach a wide audience, intimate storytelling is the best way to go.
The first step to create the intimacy is to stay in the POV character throughout the scene. This means that the story is told totally through that character’s eyes and senses. He cannot see what is going on in the next room or behind the door. Comments or information that jerk the reader from the story can happen when the author describes what’s happening in the next room or makes a statement such as: If Brad knew what was behind the closed door, he would run. Or Brad thought he was safe, but later in the day, he would learn the truth. Notice how both of these comments are not coming from Brad but from a God-like narrator who knows all and sees all. This type of writing does not work in popular fiction.
Storytelling intimacy comes by making the POV character real. His reactions fit him so his emotions will follow his personality and character. He may not respond as you would to a situation so make his emotional response true to his nature. Is he a quiet man. He will probably keep his emotions in check. If you’re in his head, he still won’t allow himself to react strongly and what he experiences maybe more a struggle to keep his emotions in check.
Author instruction is also seen when the author allows the character to know something that he couldn’t know yet or never will know. For example, what do you know that’s happening in your home right now? All you know for sure is what your senses tell you. You can only see within the room you are seated. You can’t see behind you unless you guess that no one is there or you might hear no sound which is another of your senses. You might assume your spouse or roommate is preparing a meal if the scent of food drifts into the room. Assumption or a guess is all you can share with the reader unless you can see, feel, taste, touch or smell–and even then what food is being prepared and who is preparing it is only a speculation.
Staying inside the character also requires the author to see the world through that character’s perspective. People perceive using past experience and knowledge. When you create your POV character, you will be wise to know everything about that character’s past—their family, siblings, beliefs, values, discipline style, religious upbringing—anything that will cause the character to look at the world differently than another character. What experiences has this character had? How might that impact his reaction? Would the person’s employment affect his word choice? All of these things must be considered to stay within the character and not slip into your own language style, word choice or values. Each character must stem from his root—his background.
How the character describes the setting, how he views the room, how he views others, all reflects his past. Keep this in mind as you create characters for intimate storytelling.
Forcing story dialogue so you can present backstory or historical information is another way to jerk the reader from the story. If this information needs to be shared with the reader, do it in a natural way. Find a reason that this information might wend its way into the dialogue. Often dialogue sounds silted when the author forces two people to discuss a topic that doesn’t seem to be needed other than provide background information. If two people know each other well, why would the POV character retell the person things the other character would already know. . .unless it is to reveal a secret? These things slip easily into fiction when the author isn’t careful. Even using introspection to provide information about the history of a location can come across as convoluted unless a legitimate reason for the character’s thoughts can be devised.
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