Two questions came to the comments on my recent blog covering the topic of dialogue. I thought the questions were meaningful for other writers and will repeat them so others can benefit. The questions involved dialogue during telephone conversations.
A reader asked these questions:
I've been told when writing telephone conversations not to include the other end of the conversation since it looks awkward. Maybe you disagree. But that being so, how does one break up the main character's words to allow space for the other person's unheard reply? The author of web-site http://creative-writing-course.thecraftywriter.com suggests breaking up the conversation using ellipses, when the other person speaks. What do you think?
Another reader asked this question on the same topic:
I often wonder the same thing. I even wonder how to keep the conversation going sometimes.
My response to the last question first:
Since telephone conversations are basically passive scenes, they are used to impart new information that is needed for the story line or to create conflict. Chitchat is not part of the conversation. Begin the conversation at the meat of the discussion. For example, if the phone rings and the main character answers, use a transaction, such as: His mind wandered until she ask him the question. “Is our marriage over?” Once the information or conflict set-up ends, don't drag on the call just end it with a line such as: When the conversation ended, he caved into a chair trying to decide what to do.
Now to the two earlier questions:
If the conversation is with a main character who has a POV, I use both parts of the conversation. This example is from my suspense novel, Finding Christmas. Benjamin is a friend of Joanne and her deceased husband. Joanne’s child died in the same accident with her husband and the body was never found. At the third anniversary of their deaths, she has a premonition that her three-year old daughter is still alive. Example:
The telephone’s ring pierced the silence, and Joanne’s heart rose to her throat. She darted across the room and grasped the receiver, and when she said hello, her voice sounded breathless and strained to her.
“Joanne?”
Her pulse skipped, hearing her name. Like echoes across a canyon, the familiar voice reverberated through the line. “Benjamin?”
“It’s me. What in the world is wrong?”
She crumpled into a chair, clutched her chest to calm the thudding that felt as if it would break her ribs. “It’s a long story. I can’t talk about it now.” Tears filled her eyes-—tears of relief and anxiety.
“It’s okay,” he said, his voice as reassuring as a morning cup of coffee.
“Where are you?” She tried to get her thoughts together.
“Here in Detroit. I’m back.”
Gail says:
In this case the conversation works with both parties. It’s clear who is speaking since each new paragraph is the next speaker, and the POV character, Joanne shares her actions and introspection with the reader. The other voice—in this case Benejamin—would not.
If the call is incidental but important to the main character, I usually use a one-sided conversation, and let the reader in on what's being said through the main characters' thoughts and actions. In this example, Benjamin answer’s Joanne’s phone for her, and his dialogue helps explain who is on the phone. The importance of this scene is Joanne has been getting strange telephone calls.
“Want me to get it?” Benjamin asked, glancing at the phone but seeming to be more interested in her burn.
“Please.” She studied her throbbing red skin as the cool water washed over it and listened to Benjamin’s voice on the telephone.
“It’s a woman from your office,” he said, holding the receiver toward her. “Do you want to call her back?”
“No. I’ll take it.” She grasped the phone, guessing what the caller wanted. “I’ll remember, Nita. Thanks for calling.” As she listened to her coworker, Joanne glanced Benjamin’s way and felt an embarrassed grin grow on her face. “No, you didn’t interrupt anything. An old friend is visiting. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Gail says:
Though you don't hear Nita's words, you understand the purpose of her call and you catch the innuendo of the conversation by Joanne's embarrassment.
This example shows a one sided call:
Joanne pressed the telephone to her ear and listened through the background sound to silence on the other end of the wire.
“Hello,” she said again.
Nothing. She lowered her gaze to the caller ID. Blocked. She hated crank calls, especially now that she’d become so edgy.
“Can I help you?” Her irritation rasped in her voice. She listened a second more until a faint sound like a moan wavered across the wire, sending a chill prickling down her spine. She closed her eyes, then dropped the phone onto the cradle and sank into the kitchen chair.
Two-sided - one character identified
This telephone scene is two-sided although the person calling Joanne is unidentified, but how the person speaks is significant to the story so I used both sides of the conversation.
As she wielded the knife, making the final slice, the telephone rang, and when she jumped, the knife slipped against her index finger, slashing the skin. The sting startled her, and she jerked her hand away from the cutting board. Blood oozed from the wound, and she held her hand over the sink while she grabbed paper towel.
After wrapping her finger, she picked up the receiver and said hello. The familiar silence ran through the wire. Bitterness, yet victory filled her as she eyed the blood seeping through the toweling. She needed this third call for the police.
“Hello,” she said again. It was the same pattern. She talked. The caller didn’t.
“I-I shouldn’t have called,” a woman whispered.
Joanne’s legs jerked with tremors. “Who are you?” Her mind spun.
The woman didn’t answer, and Joanne waited for the hangup. She heard an intake of breath and then a whisper.
“Was your daughter’s body found after the accident?”
Her daughter’s body. Joanne heard a moan, but this time it came from her. She grasped the wall for support. “No,” she whispered. “Please leave me alone.” She slammed down the phone without waiting for a response, then gasped, realizing she’d made a profound mistake. She snatched the receiver from the cradle only to hear a dial tone.
This scene introduces an important character to Joanne’s search for her daughter and builds emotion for the readers.
I hope these examples gives you some ideas on handling telephone conversations in your fiction. I have never heard of using ellipses to depict the other person’s conversation, and I believe it would be distracting to the reader. It would be to me. It also shows weak writing since it takes more skill to bring the conversation to life without hearing the other voice. I would suggest you avoid such a technique. I assume the author of the website on creative writing is not a novelist.
Showing posts with label Dialogue in Fiction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dialogue in Fiction. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Enhancing Dialogue
Dialogue becomes real when the character’s speak as real people do. We don’t talk in full sentence, and we don’t stand like sticks as we have conversations. Real people emote. Their voice tone and volume change. Their body and facial expression show the emotion and internal reaction to what’s being said. So action and body language are significant when bringing dialogue to life.
Writing real dialogue for fiction means:
• Cutting the chitchat. Start the dialogue when the important information is in the forefront. Skip the hellos and how-are-yous during face to face and telephone dialogue in fiction. Do not repeat the same information to another character. Once the reader has heard that conversation, use lines such as: He told her what he’d heard. Then you have no need to be repetitive and boring.
• Talk in partial sentences. Sometimes one or two words is all the character needs to respond with realism. Questions can be answered with another question or with evasion by segueing to a new topic. Use contractions. Real people do. Avoid stilted language, and don’t forget that silence adds tension to a novel. Real conversation falls into lulls. Silence gives a character time to think. Use it effectively.
• Recall lines in other novels or movies that have grabbed you. Who doesn’t know the last line of Gone with the Wind? “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.” Don’t steal the line, but rework it with your own take and create something fresh and new, or dissect the reaction that a line makes, and find your own dramatic line that readers will remember.
• Speak lines aloud. Become an actor in the privacy of your writing space and deliver the lines between two people, feeling the emotion and allowing your words to fly from you without thought. Speak with abandon. Record it if you can. Then put it on paper and see how real it becomes. Use a text to voice program so you can listen to your dialogue as well as the narrative.
Blending dialogue with narration:
Narration comes in a variety of forms from introspection (a character’s thoughts) to descriptions of setting and of action.
• Show character’s emotions and/or attitude by showing facial expression and body language. The “show and tell” element of fiction enhances a scene and helps create deeper POV by not using tags to distance the reader.
• Saying he was angry is weak. Instead bring it to life. His expression darkened as his jaw tensed and his eyes narrowed. Now you see the anger.
• Use gestures, motions, action beats to enhance realism. We’re not sticks and our face and body respond when we talk. Have your characters shift their feet, pace the room, fold clothes, twirl their hair, swing their arms, weave their fingers together, rest their chin on their fist. This is what real people do.
• When characters walk, give them a more defined action and use it to reflect their attitude and personality. She strutted across the room. That’s so much more vivid than saying walked. He moseyed toward her. You can see the casual, laid-back attitude. The child skipped into the room. You pick up an emotion here. Happy or excited. Don’t forget frustration, anger, disappointment. Let the character stomp or trudge.
• Personalities allow characters to respond in different ways. Some slam a door when irked. Others turn their backs and walk away. Some throw their hands over their faces and weep. Allow your characters to come to life by the emotion and action beats you use in your novel.
By keeping these ideas in mind, you can enhance your dialogue and make it more real.
Writing real dialogue for fiction means:
• Cutting the chitchat. Start the dialogue when the important information is in the forefront. Skip the hellos and how-are-yous during face to face and telephone dialogue in fiction. Do not repeat the same information to another character. Once the reader has heard that conversation, use lines such as: He told her what he’d heard. Then you have no need to be repetitive and boring.
• Talk in partial sentences. Sometimes one or two words is all the character needs to respond with realism. Questions can be answered with another question or with evasion by segueing to a new topic. Use contractions. Real people do. Avoid stilted language, and don’t forget that silence adds tension to a novel. Real conversation falls into lulls. Silence gives a character time to think. Use it effectively.
• Recall lines in other novels or movies that have grabbed you. Who doesn’t know the last line of Gone with the Wind? “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.” Don’t steal the line, but rework it with your own take and create something fresh and new, or dissect the reaction that a line makes, and find your own dramatic line that readers will remember.
• Speak lines aloud. Become an actor in the privacy of your writing space and deliver the lines between two people, feeling the emotion and allowing your words to fly from you without thought. Speak with abandon. Record it if you can. Then put it on paper and see how real it becomes. Use a text to voice program so you can listen to your dialogue as well as the narrative.
Blending dialogue with narration:
Narration comes in a variety of forms from introspection (a character’s thoughts) to descriptions of setting and of action.
• Show character’s emotions and/or attitude by showing facial expression and body language. The “show and tell” element of fiction enhances a scene and helps create deeper POV by not using tags to distance the reader.
• Saying he was angry is weak. Instead bring it to life. His expression darkened as his jaw tensed and his eyes narrowed. Now you see the anger.
• Use gestures, motions, action beats to enhance realism. We’re not sticks and our face and body respond when we talk. Have your characters shift their feet, pace the room, fold clothes, twirl their hair, swing their arms, weave their fingers together, rest their chin on their fist. This is what real people do.
• When characters walk, give them a more defined action and use it to reflect their attitude and personality. She strutted across the room. That’s so much more vivid than saying walked. He moseyed toward her. You can see the casual, laid-back attitude. The child skipped into the room. You pick up an emotion here. Happy or excited. Don’t forget frustration, anger, disappointment. Let the character stomp or trudge.
• Personalities allow characters to respond in different ways. Some slam a door when irked. Others turn their backs and walk away. Some throw their hands over their faces and weep. Allow your characters to come to life by the emotion and action beats you use in your novel.
By keeping these ideas in mind, you can enhance your dialogue and make it more real.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Intimate Storytelling - Part IV Sentence and Thought Tags
A simple method of improving your writing is learning how to use dialogue tags and presenting character’s thoughts. Though this may seem trivial, these techniques are important in helping you become an author who knows how to write. One way to approach this is to ask yourself how would a real person say this or do this.
The first example can be found in presenting introspection. To create the most intimate form of storytelling, pay attention to your own thoughts and see how they fall. When thinking, do you say “What is that child going to do now, I wonder?” or “He’s going to hurt himself, I thought.” Obviously the I wonder and I thought are for the reader information. The phrases have nothing to do with the character’s thoughts. When you add these phrases, it removes the intimate relationship between the reader and character. It’s as if the character is saying, “Okay dummy, I’m thinking this or I’m wondering this.” Readers are not dumb so we don’t need to tell them it’s a thought. Everything that comes from that character that’s not dialogue is really the character’s thought or viewpoint.
Why did I say that to her? She already knows how I feel yet I brought up the topic again. I’m digging a hole for myself. I’m putting up a barricade, and that’s not what I want to do.
As you read those lines, it’s obvious that the character is thinking. Authors have no need to tell the reader that’s what the character is thinking or that’s what he’s wondering. So begin today removing italics from the character’s thoughts and removing phrases like he wondered and he thought.
Next, dialogue tags also remove intimacy from the story, because, once again, their purpose is so the reader knows who’s speaking. The only two words that readers will skim over and not be jerked from the story are said and asked. When authors use queried, replied, questioned, screamed, remarked, yelled, teased, they are showing an editor they are not an experienced author. For one, the language that is used in the sentence needs to stand on it’s own. If the character is yelling, the words should let the reader know they are yelling or screaming. If the character is toying with another character, the words should let us know that they are teasing. This is weak writing when an author says: okay, this is funny or this is angry. Let the words speak for themselves. The other words I listed—replied, remarked, insisted—all jump out at an editor and readers, pulling them away from the story. No one wants to do that.
Even worse is using an adverb along with the said or asked. This is a sure sign of a new writer who doesn’t know how to create dialogue that speaks for itself. “Stop,” he said angrily. “You look as sweet as a kitten,” he said tenderly. “Look at me. I’m successful,” he said boisterously. The reader would be stupid not so know that “Look at me. I’m successful” is not boisterous. Let the words show the reader the emotion involved and don’t tell them. Remember “show and not tell” is a key message for all writers.
Finally if you are an experienced novelist with numerous books under your belt, try writing a novel without using dialogue tags or at least try cutting as many as you can. The tag distances the character from the reader so anything you can do to avoid them creates a more intimate novel. How can you do that? By including an action, description or emotion. Here’s an example:
Jane slipped off her sweater and tossed it on the chair. “I’m sorry I’m late.”
“So am I.” John’s skin prickled as he monitored his frustration. She knew how import this evening was to him.
“What did I miss?”
Perspiration beaded on his palms. What did I miss? Nothing but the best speech he’d ever given. “Do you have to ask?”
“John, I know you wanted me there, but--”
“But you couldn’t drag yourself away from cocktails with your coworkers.”
She shook her head, evading his eyes. “That’s not it at all.”
Then what was it? That’s what he wanted to know. His eyes shifted from her face to her dark red dress that clung to her curves. The deep V-neck revealed her creamy skin beneath. Ice dripped through his veins. The dress seemed inappropriate for work.
A chill rolled down his back as his mind slipped into a place he didn’t want to go. He studied her face. Guilt? Remorse? Fear? His stomach churned as reality struck him. Jane was having an affair.
Notice that I’ve avoided dialogue tags and the use of wondered or thought yet it’s clear who’s speaking. This is closer to real life conversation, and the more real you write the more real your characters are to your readers.
Give some of these techniques a try, and hopefully you will deepen characterization while making your storytelling more intimate and by doing that, you’ve captured another reader who’ll want to read every one of your novels.
The first example can be found in presenting introspection. To create the most intimate form of storytelling, pay attention to your own thoughts and see how they fall. When thinking, do you say “What is that child going to do now, I wonder?” or “He’s going to hurt himself, I thought.” Obviously the I wonder and I thought are for the reader information. The phrases have nothing to do with the character’s thoughts. When you add these phrases, it removes the intimate relationship between the reader and character. It’s as if the character is saying, “Okay dummy, I’m thinking this or I’m wondering this.” Readers are not dumb so we don’t need to tell them it’s a thought. Everything that comes from that character that’s not dialogue is really the character’s thought or viewpoint.
Why did I say that to her? She already knows how I feel yet I brought up the topic again. I’m digging a hole for myself. I’m putting up a barricade, and that’s not what I want to do.
As you read those lines, it’s obvious that the character is thinking. Authors have no need to tell the reader that’s what the character is thinking or that’s what he’s wondering. So begin today removing italics from the character’s thoughts and removing phrases like he wondered and he thought.
Next, dialogue tags also remove intimacy from the story, because, once again, their purpose is so the reader knows who’s speaking. The only two words that readers will skim over and not be jerked from the story are said and asked. When authors use queried, replied, questioned, screamed, remarked, yelled, teased, they are showing an editor they are not an experienced author. For one, the language that is used in the sentence needs to stand on it’s own. If the character is yelling, the words should let the reader know they are yelling or screaming. If the character is toying with another character, the words should let us know that they are teasing. This is weak writing when an author says: okay, this is funny or this is angry. Let the words speak for themselves. The other words I listed—replied, remarked, insisted—all jump out at an editor and readers, pulling them away from the story. No one wants to do that.
Even worse is using an adverb along with the said or asked. This is a sure sign of a new writer who doesn’t know how to create dialogue that speaks for itself. “Stop,” he said angrily. “You look as sweet as a kitten,” he said tenderly. “Look at me. I’m successful,” he said boisterously. The reader would be stupid not so know that “Look at me. I’m successful” is not boisterous. Let the words show the reader the emotion involved and don’t tell them. Remember “show and not tell” is a key message for all writers.
Finally if you are an experienced novelist with numerous books under your belt, try writing a novel without using dialogue tags or at least try cutting as many as you can. The tag distances the character from the reader so anything you can do to avoid them creates a more intimate novel. How can you do that? By including an action, description or emotion. Here’s an example:
Jane slipped off her sweater and tossed it on the chair. “I’m sorry I’m late.”
“So am I.” John’s skin prickled as he monitored his frustration. She knew how import this evening was to him.
“What did I miss?”
Perspiration beaded on his palms. What did I miss? Nothing but the best speech he’d ever given. “Do you have to ask?”
“John, I know you wanted me there, but--”
“But you couldn’t drag yourself away from cocktails with your coworkers.”
She shook her head, evading his eyes. “That’s not it at all.”
Then what was it? That’s what he wanted to know. His eyes shifted from her face to her dark red dress that clung to her curves. The deep V-neck revealed her creamy skin beneath. Ice dripped through his veins. The dress seemed inappropriate for work.
A chill rolled down his back as his mind slipped into a place he didn’t want to go. He studied her face. Guilt? Remorse? Fear? His stomach churned as reality struck him. Jane was having an affair.
Notice that I’ve avoided dialogue tags and the use of wondered or thought yet it’s clear who’s speaking. This is closer to real life conversation, and the more real you write the more real your characters are to your readers.
Give some of these techniques a try, and hopefully you will deepen characterization while making your storytelling more intimate and by doing that, you’ve captured another reader who’ll want to read every one of your novels.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS
How characters respond to each other goes far beyond what’s said. Words are easily spoken, but the truth is not necessarily there. People often say what they think others want to hear. This happens in real life and works well in fiction. People observe what’s being said by watching the person’s facial expression and body language.
Obviously, authors need to be aware of these important means of non-verbal communication when creating characters and stories. Five well-known non-verbal behaviors are important to consider: silence, posture and gestures, facial expressions, eye contact, and space, meaning closeness or distance from the other character. Each one speaks as loudly as your character’s words. This is important when creating a romance, because during that sensitive time, the hero and heroine will study each other, fearing making a mistake in the relationship.
Silence
It’s strange that silence can cause a problem, but it does. If a hero asks the heroine a question, he is looking for an answer. If he receives a blank stare, the non-verbal message has said something, such as: I don’t know, I don’t want to talk about it, or it’s none of your business. It could be those responses or many others. This leaves the hero hanging as he wonders what she could mean. It causes tension. This works well if you’re trying to create tension between the two people. If the hero says I love you to the heroine and her response is silence, I don’t have to tell you how that would come across. Again it creates tension. Should he probe for an answer or back away? If a character’s boss asks him why he did or didn’t do something and his response is silence, the boss could easily become perturb. He expects an answer. Silence can mean the character doesn’t know, or it could mean he is guilty, angry, belligerent, or uncooperative. When writing, if you’re not trying to create tension, give an answer. If you’re using the technique for tension, good for you.
Gestures and posture
Anger is often shown by quickness and abruptness body responses. If your heroine slams a door or drawer or if the hero pounds his fist against a table, readers learn as much as they might from hearing words, and the action is far more dramatic. The heroine flailing her hands in the air or making a fist gives a negative response. A gentle pat or brush of a the hero’s hand against the heroine’s arm gives the opposite response. It’s one of understanding and concern. Give careful thought when you create your characters’ gestures to make sure they are conveying the right message to the reader, and that they fit the character’s personality. Try to be original, show the heroine tossing the hero’s note into the wastebasket. Without saying any words, the reader knows what she’s thinking and that she’s angry. It fits into the storyline and doesn’t distract yet adds a deeper emotion even without words.
Along with gestures, your characters posture shows her attitude and mood. The heroine walking with her chin touching her chest will cause other characters and readers to think she is uneasy, upset, depressed, or perhaps lacking self-esteem. The heroine who walks tall with her back straight and head held high shows confidence. Yet too high and too straight can appear forceful or even confrontational. Allow your characters’ posture to illustrate his or her mood or attitude with a visual description.
Facial Expressions
The most obvious method to convey meaning to words is through facial expressions, but remember that sometimes people make faces without realizing it. These expressions tell the truth to those viewing another persons’s face even though they can’t see the expression themselves. An eye-blink or a tightened jaw can send a message of surprise or upset. Winces, narrowed eyes and tightened lips are less common than a furrowed brow or a smile. Use the broad spectrum of your characters’ faces to add deeper meaning to the emotional palette of your story.
Characters sometimes try to hide their true feelings. and they force a superficial expression. Yet beneath that expression, the truth can often be seen. The heroine for examples says one thing but means something else. The words and expressions don’t match—she says yes with her words, but her face and body say no. This sends a mixed message to other characters thereby adding a new element to the story and creating tension. Use this technique to create unanswered questions for the reader—What is bothering her?— or to deepen conflict.
Eye Contact
A character’s eyes show emotion just as they do in real life. For example, when the hero looks in the eyes of the heroine, he can see the emotion of love. Eyes reflect what the person is like on the inside. A person’s eyes can become bloodshot in anger. Blood vessel break and pupils dilate. Even the blink, mentioned earlier, is telling. Eyes are indicators of self-confidence. If the heroine looks at the hero with direct eye contact, she appear confident and assured; if she avoids looking into his eyes, she will seem unsure or disinterested, and even worse, she might appear guilty. Use reference of eye contact in key scenes where the truth must be learned by a character. In a police procedural, the accused might deny the crime, but his eyes give clues that somehow he is involved. In romance, a young woman may say no to a marriage proposal, but her eyes say yes, leaving the hero wanting to know the reason for her refusal. This adds interest and foreshadowing of what’s to come.
Space
The closeness or distance of one character from another makes an impact in fiction. Notice the trait in yourself. When you are interested in a conversation or when you agree with what someone says, you lean forward. You show your approval of what they say by your physical nearness. If someone is having a problem, you communicate sympathy by putting your arm around the person or placing your hand on your friend’s shoulder. You do not need to say words; your meaning is clear. Use space in your fiction to show the ease or tension in the relationship. If the heroine is eager for a romantic relationship, she will move toward the hero. If she doesn’t want to encourage him, she will pull back or move away. This forms a type of barricade between her and the hero. She is sending a message that she doesn’t care about him, she doesn’t agree, or perhaps she’s afraid of the relationship. Arms crossed in front of the hero’s chest, for example, is similar barricade that sends a negative message.
On the other hand, fear of being rejected in a romance or of being involved in a suspense can cause a character to step back or avoid another character in order not to be hurt or to be notice. This is done out of fear of being hurt or suspected. When using this technique, write the action so it is clear to the reader but not necessarily to the character. You can do this by using introspection of the character who is using the body action either in the scene or later in the sequel.
By being aware of non-verbal communication as you write your novels, you can use it to add interest to your work and to alert your reader and/or other characters in the book of the unspoken message. Remember that more than half of what you say is seen — not heard. So give the same percentage to your characters and let them do a lot of talking without words.
Obviously, authors need to be aware of these important means of non-verbal communication when creating characters and stories. Five well-known non-verbal behaviors are important to consider: silence, posture and gestures, facial expressions, eye contact, and space, meaning closeness or distance from the other character. Each one speaks as loudly as your character’s words. This is important when creating a romance, because during that sensitive time, the hero and heroine will study each other, fearing making a mistake in the relationship.
Silence
It’s strange that silence can cause a problem, but it does. If a hero asks the heroine a question, he is looking for an answer. If he receives a blank stare, the non-verbal message has said something, such as: I don’t know, I don’t want to talk about it, or it’s none of your business. It could be those responses or many others. This leaves the hero hanging as he wonders what she could mean. It causes tension. This works well if you’re trying to create tension between the two people. If the hero says I love you to the heroine and her response is silence, I don’t have to tell you how that would come across. Again it creates tension. Should he probe for an answer or back away? If a character’s boss asks him why he did or didn’t do something and his response is silence, the boss could easily become perturb. He expects an answer. Silence can mean the character doesn’t know, or it could mean he is guilty, angry, belligerent, or uncooperative. When writing, if you’re not trying to create tension, give an answer. If you’re using the technique for tension, good for you.
Gestures and posture
Anger is often shown by quickness and abruptness body responses. If your heroine slams a door or drawer or if the hero pounds his fist against a table, readers learn as much as they might from hearing words, and the action is far more dramatic. The heroine flailing her hands in the air or making a fist gives a negative response. A gentle pat or brush of a the hero’s hand against the heroine’s arm gives the opposite response. It’s one of understanding and concern. Give careful thought when you create your characters’ gestures to make sure they are conveying the right message to the reader, and that they fit the character’s personality. Try to be original, show the heroine tossing the hero’s note into the wastebasket. Without saying any words, the reader knows what she’s thinking and that she’s angry. It fits into the storyline and doesn’t distract yet adds a deeper emotion even without words.
Along with gestures, your characters posture shows her attitude and mood. The heroine walking with her chin touching her chest will cause other characters and readers to think she is uneasy, upset, depressed, or perhaps lacking self-esteem. The heroine who walks tall with her back straight and head held high shows confidence. Yet too high and too straight can appear forceful or even confrontational. Allow your characters’ posture to illustrate his or her mood or attitude with a visual description.
Facial Expressions
The most obvious method to convey meaning to words is through facial expressions, but remember that sometimes people make faces without realizing it. These expressions tell the truth to those viewing another persons’s face even though they can’t see the expression themselves. An eye-blink or a tightened jaw can send a message of surprise or upset. Winces, narrowed eyes and tightened lips are less common than a furrowed brow or a smile. Use the broad spectrum of your characters’ faces to add deeper meaning to the emotional palette of your story.
Characters sometimes try to hide their true feelings. and they force a superficial expression. Yet beneath that expression, the truth can often be seen. The heroine for examples says one thing but means something else. The words and expressions don’t match—she says yes with her words, but her face and body say no. This sends a mixed message to other characters thereby adding a new element to the story and creating tension. Use this technique to create unanswered questions for the reader—What is bothering her?— or to deepen conflict.
Eye Contact
A character’s eyes show emotion just as they do in real life. For example, when the hero looks in the eyes of the heroine, he can see the emotion of love. Eyes reflect what the person is like on the inside. A person’s eyes can become bloodshot in anger. Blood vessel break and pupils dilate. Even the blink, mentioned earlier, is telling. Eyes are indicators of self-confidence. If the heroine looks at the hero with direct eye contact, she appear confident and assured; if she avoids looking into his eyes, she will seem unsure or disinterested, and even worse, she might appear guilty. Use reference of eye contact in key scenes where the truth must be learned by a character. In a police procedural, the accused might deny the crime, but his eyes give clues that somehow he is involved. In romance, a young woman may say no to a marriage proposal, but her eyes say yes, leaving the hero wanting to know the reason for her refusal. This adds interest and foreshadowing of what’s to come.
Space
The closeness or distance of one character from another makes an impact in fiction. Notice the trait in yourself. When you are interested in a conversation or when you agree with what someone says, you lean forward. You show your approval of what they say by your physical nearness. If someone is having a problem, you communicate sympathy by putting your arm around the person or placing your hand on your friend’s shoulder. You do not need to say words; your meaning is clear. Use space in your fiction to show the ease or tension in the relationship. If the heroine is eager for a romantic relationship, she will move toward the hero. If she doesn’t want to encourage him, she will pull back or move away. This forms a type of barricade between her and the hero. She is sending a message that she doesn’t care about him, she doesn’t agree, or perhaps she’s afraid of the relationship. Arms crossed in front of the hero’s chest, for example, is similar barricade that sends a negative message.
On the other hand, fear of being rejected in a romance or of being involved in a suspense can cause a character to step back or avoid another character in order not to be hurt or to be notice. This is done out of fear of being hurt or suspected. When using this technique, write the action so it is clear to the reader but not necessarily to the character. You can do this by using introspection of the character who is using the body action either in the scene or later in the sequel.
By being aware of non-verbal communication as you write your novels, you can use it to add interest to your work and to alert your reader and/or other characters in the book of the unspoken message. Remember that more than half of what you say is seen — not heard. So give the same percentage to your characters and let them do a lot of talking without words.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Tension and Conflict Part 5 - Methods to Create Tension
Earlier I described the difference between conflict and tension. Conflict is the action of two opposing forces. It is the butting of heads between ideas, needs, desires and wants, or it can be a single individual wanting two opposing things. What makes conflict important is the tension it creates. Tension is the emotional response to the conflict. Without it, the conflict would not have much impact on the reader.
Many methods can be used to create tension, and I will cover some of them here, but I’m sure you can add others to your list.
1. Introspection:
Introspection is the head and heart of the character, a combination of their thoughts along with the emotional encroachment on the person’s sense of security or confidence. When a character delves internally into a conflict, he reveals something unknown to the reader or even a new awareness for him. He is encouraged to dig deeper into the problem, and it leave readers with questions about how this situation can be resolved.
Introspection dramatizes the conflicting feelings and clashing ideas within the character or between two characters and it creates dilemmas for both parties. Often backstory is used here to introduce past problems and bring them to the present. When incidents or beliefs from a person’s past affects how he or she responds to life today, it creates this kind of internal tension. These are often secrets that the character doesn’t want others to know, but fighting for their idea or goal can result in revealing this secret. Think of people running for political office. They knew their past follies will be displayed to the world.
Sometimes through introspection, the characters face competing desires. They want two opposing things: success but they want privacy. A common conflict that creates great tension is when a character’s wants actually is opposed to what he needs. He wants success but what he really wants is happiness, and the success will not provide it.
Introspection can also reveal how a character’s perspective is not necessarily the truth, as illustrated in this dialogue from one of my unpublished novels.
Heroine: “I keep reminding myself it’s not the same, is it? Things change. We’re different now.”
Hero: “Are we?” He studied her face, hoping she’d back down on her comment. He’d stayed pretty much the same, always wishing he’d find another girl like her. Someone he could talk with and be open with. Be himself. With others, he felt as if he should try to impress them.
2. Ticking clock:
Tension is always created by adding a ticking clock to the plot line, such as a time restraint or deadline. The problem must be resolved in a certain amount of time. Stories that deal with marriages of conveniences are usually based on this premise. The hero or heroine must marry within a certain time period before they can inherit the family wealth. This works well in a suspense. The bomb will detonate at midnight. It must be found. The kidnaped child will die without it’s medication. The good guys must find the treasure before the bad guys. This technique creates exciting tension.
3. Dialogue:
Novels are dependent on dialogue, but dialogue can be used in a variety of ways to create tension other than arguments. What creates tension for the reader is to hold back information by leaving things unanswered or interrupted or by creating doubt when the character says something that doesn’t quite fit or adds an issue that hasn’t been initiated. Other elements of dialogue that creates tension are silence, subtext, and avoidance.
• Silence - Silence is when the character doesn’t respond or when a conversation falters and no one speaks. The reader knows that the characters are dealing with what’s been said, and it helps create tension. Here’s an example from my novel And Baby Makes Five.
Out of the corner of her eye, she watched Chad making gentle circles on Nate’s back, the child’s contented look evident.
"I fed him a short time ago so he shouldn’t be hungry,” she said.
“He wants attention. We all need that some times.”
His words sounded melancholy as her pulse tripped. Everyone needed to be loved and caressed. She’d been without that kind of relationship since she’d married Miguel. His love had become rough and his drunken words, vile.
Silence settled over them until Chad turned toward her. “Do you understand what I’m saying?"
In this lack of response, the reader is drawn to their own questions. They last two pieces of dialogue spoken by Chad demonstrates his personal need for attention and his need to hear her response.
• Subtext - Subtext is difficult to create but it’s an excellent form of subtle tension. Subtext is the implicit or underlying meaning behind the words.
Women 1: Do you like my dress?
Women 2: The color’s great.
Obviously reference to the color doesn’t answer the question, but it says a lot. A man flirts with a woman as they look at a lovely handcrafted table and chairs
She: Gorgeous. Those legs Look at the lines.
He: I have been.
• Avoidance – Avoidance can is witnessed when a conversation seems to go in two different direction as one character is evasive or non-committal, or when one character answers a question with question. This is an excellent example from: Lisa Samson’s Tiger Lillie in a conversation the home owned by the first speaker’s mother. You can feel the tension as you read it.
“I asked Rawlins if I could work for the ad agency, Mom.”
“I already know his answer. Do you think you could paint some murals here for us? It will be a while before we move in—until your father retires, which might be years from now.”
"Rawlins said the ad world is too competitive. He doesn’t want me to become jaded.”
“I was thinking maybe a garden scene in the kitchen.”
“Maybe I could sell my paintings.”
“Or do trompe l’oeil. Here would be a good place to start.”
“I really want to go to college.”
Mom looked around. “Of course, the master bath has lots of potential, too.”
4. Character’s Perception:
In real life, we each see things differently. Our perception brings with it memories from our past and undertones from our experiences and beliefs. Tension is created not by what’s been said but what the words mean to the character. For example, if we’ve had a happy childhood and a good life, the word “home” brings a warm and happy feeling. If home was a horror for us, then that word will trigger other ideas. Give the character some perception challenges and use this technique to create an intriguing kind of tension.
5. Pacing:
Pacing has been covered in other articles, but it is a great tension technique. Remember while the plot is the journey of the characters in your novel, pacing is the speed at which you deliver the action. It’s like a roller coaster ride with moments of calm but always with the anticipation that the next challenging hill is coming until the roller coaster pulls back into the station and you climb out. Journey’s end. By moving a scene to another character or situation while you leave another scene hanging works very well to create tension. You can read other articles on pacing to learn how to create the fast and calm scenes. One style is using scene and sequel which I’ll cover in my next blog.
Many methods can be used to create tension, and I will cover some of them here, but I’m sure you can add others to your list.
1. Introspection:
Introspection is the head and heart of the character, a combination of their thoughts along with the emotional encroachment on the person’s sense of security or confidence. When a character delves internally into a conflict, he reveals something unknown to the reader or even a new awareness for him. He is encouraged to dig deeper into the problem, and it leave readers with questions about how this situation can be resolved.
Introspection dramatizes the conflicting feelings and clashing ideas within the character or between two characters and it creates dilemmas for both parties. Often backstory is used here to introduce past problems and bring them to the present. When incidents or beliefs from a person’s past affects how he or she responds to life today, it creates this kind of internal tension. These are often secrets that the character doesn’t want others to know, but fighting for their idea or goal can result in revealing this secret. Think of people running for political office. They knew their past follies will be displayed to the world.
Sometimes through introspection, the characters face competing desires. They want two opposing things: success but they want privacy. A common conflict that creates great tension is when a character’s wants actually is opposed to what he needs. He wants success but what he really wants is happiness, and the success will not provide it.
Introspection can also reveal how a character’s perspective is not necessarily the truth, as illustrated in this dialogue from one of my unpublished novels.
Heroine: “I keep reminding myself it’s not the same, is it? Things change. We’re different now.”
Hero: “Are we?” He studied her face, hoping she’d back down on her comment. He’d stayed pretty much the same, always wishing he’d find another girl like her. Someone he could talk with and be open with. Be himself. With others, he felt as if he should try to impress them.
2. Ticking clock:
Tension is always created by adding a ticking clock to the plot line, such as a time restraint or deadline. The problem must be resolved in a certain amount of time. Stories that deal with marriages of conveniences are usually based on this premise. The hero or heroine must marry within a certain time period before they can inherit the family wealth. This works well in a suspense. The bomb will detonate at midnight. It must be found. The kidnaped child will die without it’s medication. The good guys must find the treasure before the bad guys. This technique creates exciting tension.
3. Dialogue:
Novels are dependent on dialogue, but dialogue can be used in a variety of ways to create tension other than arguments. What creates tension for the reader is to hold back information by leaving things unanswered or interrupted or by creating doubt when the character says something that doesn’t quite fit or adds an issue that hasn’t been initiated. Other elements of dialogue that creates tension are silence, subtext, and avoidance.
• Silence - Silence is when the character doesn’t respond or when a conversation falters and no one speaks. The reader knows that the characters are dealing with what’s been said, and it helps create tension. Here’s an example from my novel And Baby Makes Five.
Out of the corner of her eye, she watched Chad making gentle circles on Nate’s back, the child’s contented look evident.
"I fed him a short time ago so he shouldn’t be hungry,” she said.
“He wants attention. We all need that some times.”
His words sounded melancholy as her pulse tripped. Everyone needed to be loved and caressed. She’d been without that kind of relationship since she’d married Miguel. His love had become rough and his drunken words, vile.
Silence settled over them until Chad turned toward her. “Do you understand what I’m saying?"
In this lack of response, the reader is drawn to their own questions. They last two pieces of dialogue spoken by Chad demonstrates his personal need for attention and his need to hear her response.
• Subtext - Subtext is difficult to create but it’s an excellent form of subtle tension. Subtext is the implicit or underlying meaning behind the words.
Women 1: Do you like my dress?
Women 2: The color’s great.
Obviously reference to the color doesn’t answer the question, but it says a lot. A man flirts with a woman as they look at a lovely handcrafted table and chairs
She: Gorgeous. Those legs Look at the lines.
He: I have been.
• Avoidance – Avoidance can is witnessed when a conversation seems to go in two different direction as one character is evasive or non-committal, or when one character answers a question with question. This is an excellent example from: Lisa Samson’s Tiger Lillie in a conversation the home owned by the first speaker’s mother. You can feel the tension as you read it.
“I asked Rawlins if I could work for the ad agency, Mom.”
“I already know his answer. Do you think you could paint some murals here for us? It will be a while before we move in—until your father retires, which might be years from now.”
"Rawlins said the ad world is too competitive. He doesn’t want me to become jaded.”
“I was thinking maybe a garden scene in the kitchen.”
“Maybe I could sell my paintings.”
“Or do trompe l’oeil. Here would be a good place to start.”
“I really want to go to college.”
Mom looked around. “Of course, the master bath has lots of potential, too.”
4. Character’s Perception:
In real life, we each see things differently. Our perception brings with it memories from our past and undertones from our experiences and beliefs. Tension is created not by what’s been said but what the words mean to the character. For example, if we’ve had a happy childhood and a good life, the word “home” brings a warm and happy feeling. If home was a horror for us, then that word will trigger other ideas. Give the character some perception challenges and use this technique to create an intriguing kind of tension.
5. Pacing:
Pacing has been covered in other articles, but it is a great tension technique. Remember while the plot is the journey of the characters in your novel, pacing is the speed at which you deliver the action. It’s like a roller coaster ride with moments of calm but always with the anticipation that the next challenging hill is coming until the roller coaster pulls back into the station and you climb out. Journey’s end. By moving a scene to another character or situation while you leave another scene hanging works very well to create tension. You can read other articles on pacing to learn how to create the fast and calm scenes. One style is using scene and sequel which I’ll cover in my next blog.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Dialogue And Purpose Part 3
Last blog, I covered two more ways in which dialogue serves a purpose in fiction, foreshadowing and showing growth of character. This blog will cover the last two purposes—revealing emotions and setting a tone or mood.
• Revealing Emotions — Dialogue is something readers witness through body action and introspection, but dialogue also delivers all kinds of emotion. In this excerpt, Chad has taken Felica to dinner and Brook, an associate of Chad’s runs into them. His snide remarks and comments, heats the scene and you can feel the emotion growing in both characters.
As they stepped outside, Chad felt a hand on his shoulder, and he spun around, surprised to see a familiar face. “Brook. How’ve you been?”
Great, and you look well, he said, eyeing Felisa. “Very well, in fact.”
Chad didn’t like his ogling. “Felisa, this is Brook Garner. He owns a farm near Monterey. We sit on an agricultural committee together.”
“Hello,” she said, backing away as if uncomfortable.
Chad longed to put a protective arm around her, but with Brook’s leer, he stopped himself.
“Brook, this is Felisa Carrillo. She’s the twins nanny, and--”
“Nanny.” A taunting grin settled on his face. “My, my.”
Chad saw Felisa shrink backward, moving away toward the path, and he felt helpless.
“You’ve got a good thing going with the sweet little nanny,” Brook said. “You can send her to my house anytime.”
Chad grasped his arm. “She deserves more respect than that, Brook.”
“She’s Mexican, Chad. What do you expect me to think?”
“Think this.” He stared the man, nose to nose. “Hispanic, American, Afro-American, Chinese, I don’t care. Everyone deserves respect unless you have the facts to know otherwise. If I hear one snide comment about her, I’ll--”
“Chad, I was pulling your leg.” Brook took a step backward. “You can date who you want to, but you can’t expect everyone to have the same view that you do.” He gave a head toss toward Felisa. “Those people work in my fields.”
“And they work in mine where they receive a decent wage and respect. You could mind to do the same.”
The emotion builds as each character reacts to the stimulus. Brook tries to defend his prejudice while Chad defends his relationship with Felisa and defends the rights of minority groups, but the reader hears more in this dialogue about Chad’s feelings. He responds with tenderness to Felisa while his fiery sprit grows as he comes to her defense.
• Setting a tone or mood — Mood or tone is often developed through narration with descriptive settings or introspection as the character reveals his deepest thoughts and fears, but dialogue also creates a tone or mood. In this excerpt, Felica and Chad attend a business dinner, and once again Brook steps in to cause trouble. In this set of dialogue, he has followed Felisa and waits for her as she leaves the rest room. The mood of this excerpt is clear.
Standing close to the men’s room door, she spotted Brook. He appeared to be waiting for someone, and she prayed it wasn’t her.
She gave him a faint smile as she tried to pass, but his hand clamped on her arm and pulled her back.
“What do you want?” she asked, feeling her heart pounding in her chest.
“Talk,” he said.
“Talk? About what?”
“You. . .and me.”
She shook her head. What did he mean? Thoughts swirled through her mind. “I’m not interested in changing jobs, Mr.--” She forgot his last name.
He grinned and pulled her against his chest. “I’m not offering you a job, but maybe you’d like a few more pretty little gifts.”
He dragged his finger across her necklace, leaving her flesh prickling with fear.
“What do you say?” he asked.
“Please let me go.”
She heard the pleading in her voice, but he only laughed.
“Chad Garrison will toss you to the hounds when he’s through with you. Don’t you know that?”
She cringed at his insinuation. “Chad is a good man. He’s kind. Please don’t suggest that--”
“Look here, pretty lady, I can be kind, too.”
She jerked away from him , but he lashed out for her again. She dodged his hand and raced down the hallway. She couldn’t go back inside. She had to get away.
This excerpt darkens the mood. The reader can feel Felisa’s desperation to escape, her realization that prejudice is uncompromising. You can sense her fear and disappointment. You can also sense that she realizes the impact of her relationship on Chad’s reputation.
Another thing that dialogue does for a novel is to create white space. Readers are drawn to pages that are not heavy with print. Large blocks of text tends to jerk them away from the story and so dialogue with its short and long sentences, along with a blend of introspection and body action, helps to create interesting appearing pages with short paragraph and lots of white space. Keep that in mind as you write your novel. Make paragraphs short and allow the reader to enjoy the look of the pages as they are drawn into your novel.
• Revealing Emotions — Dialogue is something readers witness through body action and introspection, but dialogue also delivers all kinds of emotion. In this excerpt, Chad has taken Felica to dinner and Brook, an associate of Chad’s runs into them. His snide remarks and comments, heats the scene and you can feel the emotion growing in both characters.
As they stepped outside, Chad felt a hand on his shoulder, and he spun around, surprised to see a familiar face. “Brook. How’ve you been?”
Great, and you look well, he said, eyeing Felisa. “Very well, in fact.”
Chad didn’t like his ogling. “Felisa, this is Brook Garner. He owns a farm near Monterey. We sit on an agricultural committee together.”
“Hello,” she said, backing away as if uncomfortable.
Chad longed to put a protective arm around her, but with Brook’s leer, he stopped himself.
“Brook, this is Felisa Carrillo. She’s the twins nanny, and--”
“Nanny.” A taunting grin settled on his face. “My, my.”
Chad saw Felisa shrink backward, moving away toward the path, and he felt helpless.
“You’ve got a good thing going with the sweet little nanny,” Brook said. “You can send her to my house anytime.”
Chad grasped his arm. “She deserves more respect than that, Brook.”
“She’s Mexican, Chad. What do you expect me to think?”
“Think this.” He stared the man, nose to nose. “Hispanic, American, Afro-American, Chinese, I don’t care. Everyone deserves respect unless you have the facts to know otherwise. If I hear one snide comment about her, I’ll--”
“Chad, I was pulling your leg.” Brook took a step backward. “You can date who you want to, but you can’t expect everyone to have the same view that you do.” He gave a head toss toward Felisa. “Those people work in my fields.”
“And they work in mine where they receive a decent wage and respect. You could mind to do the same.”
The emotion builds as each character reacts to the stimulus. Brook tries to defend his prejudice while Chad defends his relationship with Felisa and defends the rights of minority groups, but the reader hears more in this dialogue about Chad’s feelings. He responds with tenderness to Felisa while his fiery sprit grows as he comes to her defense.
• Setting a tone or mood — Mood or tone is often developed through narration with descriptive settings or introspection as the character reveals his deepest thoughts and fears, but dialogue also creates a tone or mood. In this excerpt, Felica and Chad attend a business dinner, and once again Brook steps in to cause trouble. In this set of dialogue, he has followed Felisa and waits for her as she leaves the rest room. The mood of this excerpt is clear.
Standing close to the men’s room door, she spotted Brook. He appeared to be waiting for someone, and she prayed it wasn’t her.
She gave him a faint smile as she tried to pass, but his hand clamped on her arm and pulled her back.
“What do you want?” she asked, feeling her heart pounding in her chest.
“Talk,” he said.
“Talk? About what?”
“You. . .and me.”
She shook her head. What did he mean? Thoughts swirled through her mind. “I’m not interested in changing jobs, Mr.--” She forgot his last name.
He grinned and pulled her against his chest. “I’m not offering you a job, but maybe you’d like a few more pretty little gifts.”
He dragged his finger across her necklace, leaving her flesh prickling with fear.
“What do you say?” he asked.
“Please let me go.”
She heard the pleading in her voice, but he only laughed.
“Chad Garrison will toss you to the hounds when he’s through with you. Don’t you know that?”
She cringed at his insinuation. “Chad is a good man. He’s kind. Please don’t suggest that--”
“Look here, pretty lady, I can be kind, too.”
She jerked away from him , but he lashed out for her again. She dodged his hand and raced down the hallway. She couldn’t go back inside. She had to get away.
This excerpt darkens the mood. The reader can feel Felisa’s desperation to escape, her realization that prejudice is uncompromising. You can sense her fear and disappointment. You can also sense that she realizes the impact of her relationship on Chad’s reputation.
Another thing that dialogue does for a novel is to create white space. Readers are drawn to pages that are not heavy with print. Large blocks of text tends to jerk them away from the story and so dialogue with its short and long sentences, along with a blend of introspection and body action, helps to create interesting appearing pages with short paragraph and lots of white space. Keep that in mind as you write your novel. Make paragraphs short and allow the reader to enjoy the look of the pages as they are drawn into your novel.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Dialogue And Purpose Part 2
Dialogue serves a multitude of purpose in a novel. In my last blog, I talked about four ways dialogue contributes to your story—presents information and reveals backstory, develops character, advances the plot and create conflict.
In this blog, I’ll share four more ways in which dialogue helps to create an exciting journey of the characters. They are: Foreshadowing and Showing growth of the characters.
• Foreshadowing — Dialogue can set up events and problems deeper in the story. It provides emotional situation, even secrets that the hero and heroine might be harboring and hints of upcoming conflicts.
In this excerpt from And Baby Makes Five, dialogue between Chad and his manager, Joe, reflect not only emotion from the past, but foreshadows events to come.
“What’s gotten into you, Chad? It’s not like you to--”
“I know.” His head lowered and he wove through the millions of feelings tearing through him. He regained composure and looked at Joe. “I saw the woman in labor, and I couldn’t help but think of--”
“Janie.” Joe looked stunned and moved forward, his expression filled with sympathy. “I’m sorry, man. I didn’t think. It makes sense that you’d be reminded of your wife.” He settled back into the chair. “You did the right thing.”
Chad wondered. Now that he’d gotten tangled in this woman’s problem, he couldn’t let it go. Distraction followed him home from the hospital while his thoughts drifted again to Felisa’s needs. Felisa. He’d never bothered to learn the names of his workers. It made them too real, and now this woman and her baby were too real. “She had a boy.”
Joe didn’t respond but looked at him, his eyes searching Chad’s face as if wondering what he’d gotten himself into.
He felt defensive with Joe’s probing look. “I didn’t go in to see the woman.”
Joe let out a stream of breath as if relieved. “Don’t get too involved, Chad. It’s a hopeless situation.”
Chad heaved back his chair, hearing the scrape of the legs against the wooden floor, and rose, his chest tightening with Joe’s reality. “I know. I know, but--”
“You did your good deed. Natividad will take the financial loss, and you can feel good that you did that much.”
That much. The woman could survive, but that baby boy. What about him?
This dialogue foreshadows the obvious. Chad has already gotten involved, and thinking of his deceased wife who died in childbirth lets the reader know that they can count on his getting more involved than he already is. Foreshadowing is an important element of suspense. One off-handed comment can set up an incident that will happen later in the story.
• Showing growth of the characters —
The characters must go through change. As they face new things and experience life around them, they will see things differently and they will grow. In this excerpt from the same novel,
The nanny of the house pits herself against Felicia and Felicia feels to blame for the tension.
“I should leave. Nate is so healthy and he’s small. I can carry him in a sling on my back with no problem. I’ll return to the fields on Monday.”
Chad clasped her forearms in each hand. “Who will be the girl’s nanny if you leave?”
“I’m used to field work. I’ve--” His words swung through her mind, then whacked her. “What do you mean?”
“Mrs. Drake has threatened to quit numerous times. This time I took her up on the offer. She’ll be leaving tomorrow. You can’t leave now.”
“But--”
His grip softened, and he drew her closer. “I told you earlier today, Felisa, that you’ve brought joy back into our lives. You’ve helped me see what the girl’s need. They need a father who gives them time and attention. Your care for the girls has done wonders. They’ve changed in the short time you’ve been here.”
“Children need love and caring. . .as well as discipline. That was Mrs. Drakes’ mistake.”
“I see that now,” he said.
Notice how growth is shown in this excerpt. Chad talks about how his girls have changed since Felisa has come to his home, but he also admits that he has changed. He tells her that she’s brought happiness into his life. Each new step moves the characters forward.
My next blog will show the final ways dialogue is used to strength a novel and to provide an active delivery of moving the plot forward— revealing emotions, setting a tone or mood.
In this blog, I’ll share four more ways in which dialogue helps to create an exciting journey of the characters. They are: Foreshadowing and Showing growth of the characters.
• Foreshadowing — Dialogue can set up events and problems deeper in the story. It provides emotional situation, even secrets that the hero and heroine might be harboring and hints of upcoming conflicts.
In this excerpt from And Baby Makes Five, dialogue between Chad and his manager, Joe, reflect not only emotion from the past, but foreshadows events to come.
“What’s gotten into you, Chad? It’s not like you to--”
“I know.” His head lowered and he wove through the millions of feelings tearing through him. He regained composure and looked at Joe. “I saw the woman in labor, and I couldn’t help but think of--”
“Janie.” Joe looked stunned and moved forward, his expression filled with sympathy. “I’m sorry, man. I didn’t think. It makes sense that you’d be reminded of your wife.” He settled back into the chair. “You did the right thing.”
Chad wondered. Now that he’d gotten tangled in this woman’s problem, he couldn’t let it go. Distraction followed him home from the hospital while his thoughts drifted again to Felisa’s needs. Felisa. He’d never bothered to learn the names of his workers. It made them too real, and now this woman and her baby were too real. “She had a boy.”
Joe didn’t respond but looked at him, his eyes searching Chad’s face as if wondering what he’d gotten himself into.
He felt defensive with Joe’s probing look. “I didn’t go in to see the woman.”
Joe let out a stream of breath as if relieved. “Don’t get too involved, Chad. It’s a hopeless situation.”
Chad heaved back his chair, hearing the scrape of the legs against the wooden floor, and rose, his chest tightening with Joe’s reality. “I know. I know, but--”
“You did your good deed. Natividad will take the financial loss, and you can feel good that you did that much.”
That much. The woman could survive, but that baby boy. What about him?
This dialogue foreshadows the obvious. Chad has already gotten involved, and thinking of his deceased wife who died in childbirth lets the reader know that they can count on his getting more involved than he already is. Foreshadowing is an important element of suspense. One off-handed comment can set up an incident that will happen later in the story.
• Showing growth of the characters —
The characters must go through change. As they face new things and experience life around them, they will see things differently and they will grow. In this excerpt from the same novel,
The nanny of the house pits herself against Felicia and Felicia feels to blame for the tension.
“I should leave. Nate is so healthy and he’s small. I can carry him in a sling on my back with no problem. I’ll return to the fields on Monday.”
Chad clasped her forearms in each hand. “Who will be the girl’s nanny if you leave?”
“I’m used to field work. I’ve--” His words swung through her mind, then whacked her. “What do you mean?”
“Mrs. Drake has threatened to quit numerous times. This time I took her up on the offer. She’ll be leaving tomorrow. You can’t leave now.”
“But--”
His grip softened, and he drew her closer. “I told you earlier today, Felisa, that you’ve brought joy back into our lives. You’ve helped me see what the girl’s need. They need a father who gives them time and attention. Your care for the girls has done wonders. They’ve changed in the short time you’ve been here.”
“Children need love and caring. . .as well as discipline. That was Mrs. Drakes’ mistake.”
“I see that now,” he said.
Notice how growth is shown in this excerpt. Chad talks about how his girls have changed since Felisa has come to his home, but he also admits that he has changed. He tells her that she’s brought happiness into his life. Each new step moves the characters forward.
My next blog will show the final ways dialogue is used to strength a novel and to provide an active delivery of moving the plot forward— revealing emotions, setting a tone or mood.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Dialogue And Its Purpose - Part 1
You’ve heard over and over again dialogue is purposeful. This means it’s not chitchat, not the kind of conversation we have in real life.
“Hi. How’ve you been?”
“Fine and you?”
“Good. We’ve been traveling.
“Really? How was the weather. Better than this I hope.”
“Sure was. We had sunshine everyday.”
Though this sounds like real conversation in everyday life, it’s totally boring, and you’d stop reading it that’s what you had to look forward to. Dialogue leads us forward in the story. Dialogue takes off in the meat of the discussion or in the middle of what’s important, known as medias res. With this in mind, look at the purposes or roles of dialogue in more detail.
• Present information and Reveals Backstory— Instead of telling the reader information through narration or introspection (where the character thinks about it), you can bring it to life by telling the character. Dialogue is active while narration is passive and introspection can also be an inactive form of explaining details to the reader. From my novel, And Baby Makes Five, read this dialogue and notice how information is provided in an interesting way.
Felica is a migrant work who’s gone into labor in the field. Seeing the farmer owner, she tries to hide the situation.
His gaze left her face and lowered to her bulging belly she’d tried to camouflaged by an oversized shirt. “Pregnant,” he muttered, then lifted his gaze to her. “ Estas usted embarazada?”
She tugged at her top to cover her belly and ignored his question, but she felt her face go pale.
“You’re in labor.” His voice sounded disbelieving, and he bent over her as frustration rattled in his throat. He straightened and scanned the field. “Husband?,” he muttered before he turned to her again. Dónde está su esposo?”
Felisa’s throat knotted. “Dead.” And good riddance, she added, then immediately became ashamed of her thought.
“You speak English.” Relief filled his face.
“Yes”
“You’re husband is dead?”
Felisa gave a fleeting nod. “Killed.”
He asks how it happened, and Felica provides details. This could have been written as a narrative: Felisa Carrillo watched the owner drawing near and tried to hide that she was in labor. Widowed only eight months earlier, her drunken husband staggered from a bar into traffic and was killed. He never knew she was pregnant.
Hopefully you see that dialogue brings the scene to life, provides some details about her past, and allows emotion to make the information more meaningful.
• Develops character — Through dialogue, the reader can hear the character’s attitude and personality. The dialogue can give clues to the character’s age, education, regional background, and so much more.
In the excerpt above, we learn about Felissa’s character, her determination, her quiet and uncertain demeanor, and obviously that she’s Hispanic.
• Advances the Plot — The short excerpt above advances the plot. A young migrant worker goes into labor in the field and is seen by her employer. She is now faced with a problem. She is a widow so she must work, but how can she work with a new baby to care for? We also hear the owner mutter when he asks is she pregnant. What will he do about this? Will he allow her to work in his field? When the dialogue leaves you with questions that make you want to read further, you have advanced the plot.
• Create Conflict — Besides advancing the plot, you can see the conflict that has already developed. The story presents a pregnant woman and an unhappy , but only a few lines farther the conflict deepens.
The man shook his head and drew out a handkerchief to wipe the perspiration from his face. “Do you have family in Salinas?”
“No,” she said, feeling another contraction grip her. She coiled into a ball.
“No family.”
She heard the irritation in his voice.
“You’re not having a baby in this field,” he said, his voice deepening with emotion. “I’ll take you to the hospital.”
“No, please,” she said, fearing a hospital bill. She barely had enough for food.
“The Natividad Medical Center. It’s a hospital. You’re not staying here,” he said, sounding determined and hitting numbers on his cell phone. “Can you walk?”
He turned his attention to the phone call while she let the last of the pain fade. Could she walk? Determination charged through her. She would. She had to.
Felicia must admit she has no family to help her. The owner’s insistence to take her to a hospital causes Felica to be desperate. She has no money. What will she do? Again, you hear irritation in his voice, and you witness Felica’s determination to be strong and to not be defeated by anyone.
My next blog will cover four other purposes: Foreshadowing, Showing growth of the characters,
Revealing Emotions, Seeing a tone or mood, and Creating interesting blend of narration.
“Hi. How’ve you been?”
“Fine and you?”
“Good. We’ve been traveling.
“Really? How was the weather. Better than this I hope.”
“Sure was. We had sunshine everyday.”
Though this sounds like real conversation in everyday life, it’s totally boring, and you’d stop reading it that’s what you had to look forward to. Dialogue leads us forward in the story. Dialogue takes off in the meat of the discussion or in the middle of what’s important, known as medias res. With this in mind, look at the purposes or roles of dialogue in more detail.
• Present information and Reveals Backstory— Instead of telling the reader information through narration or introspection (where the character thinks about it), you can bring it to life by telling the character. Dialogue is active while narration is passive and introspection can also be an inactive form of explaining details to the reader. From my novel, And Baby Makes Five, read this dialogue and notice how information is provided in an interesting way.
Felica is a migrant work who’s gone into labor in the field. Seeing the farmer owner, she tries to hide the situation.
His gaze left her face and lowered to her bulging belly she’d tried to camouflaged by an oversized shirt. “Pregnant,” he muttered, then lifted his gaze to her. “ Estas usted embarazada?”
She tugged at her top to cover her belly and ignored his question, but she felt her face go pale.
“You’re in labor.” His voice sounded disbelieving, and he bent over her as frustration rattled in his throat. He straightened and scanned the field. “Husband?,” he muttered before he turned to her again. Dónde está su esposo?”
Felisa’s throat knotted. “Dead.” And good riddance, she added, then immediately became ashamed of her thought.
“You speak English.” Relief filled his face.
“Yes”
“You’re husband is dead?”
Felisa gave a fleeting nod. “Killed.”
He asks how it happened, and Felica provides details. This could have been written as a narrative: Felisa Carrillo watched the owner drawing near and tried to hide that she was in labor. Widowed only eight months earlier, her drunken husband staggered from a bar into traffic and was killed. He never knew she was pregnant.
Hopefully you see that dialogue brings the scene to life, provides some details about her past, and allows emotion to make the information more meaningful.
• Develops character — Through dialogue, the reader can hear the character’s attitude and personality. The dialogue can give clues to the character’s age, education, regional background, and so much more.
In the excerpt above, we learn about Felissa’s character, her determination, her quiet and uncertain demeanor, and obviously that she’s Hispanic.
• Advances the Plot — The short excerpt above advances the plot. A young migrant worker goes into labor in the field and is seen by her employer. She is now faced with a problem. She is a widow so she must work, but how can she work with a new baby to care for? We also hear the owner mutter when he asks is she pregnant. What will he do about this? Will he allow her to work in his field? When the dialogue leaves you with questions that make you want to read further, you have advanced the plot.
• Create Conflict — Besides advancing the plot, you can see the conflict that has already developed. The story presents a pregnant woman and an unhappy , but only a few lines farther the conflict deepens.
The man shook his head and drew out a handkerchief to wipe the perspiration from his face. “Do you have family in Salinas?”
“No,” she said, feeling another contraction grip her. She coiled into a ball.
“No family.”
She heard the irritation in his voice.
“You’re not having a baby in this field,” he said, his voice deepening with emotion. “I’ll take you to the hospital.”
“No, please,” she said, fearing a hospital bill. She barely had enough for food.
“The Natividad Medical Center. It’s a hospital. You’re not staying here,” he said, sounding determined and hitting numbers on his cell phone. “Can you walk?”
He turned his attention to the phone call while she let the last of the pain fade. Could she walk? Determination charged through her. She would. She had to.
Felicia must admit she has no family to help her. The owner’s insistence to take her to a hospital causes Felica to be desperate. She has no money. What will she do? Again, you hear irritation in his voice, and you witness Felica’s determination to be strong and to not be defeated by anyone.
My next blog will cover four other purposes: Foreshadowing, Showing growth of the characters,
Revealing Emotions, Seeing a tone or mood, and Creating interesting blend of narration.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Dialogue and Introspection
In my book, Loving Ways, readers meet Annie and Ken. Their characterization grows through dialogue when Ken notices a water color hanging on Annie’s living room wall and realizes she is the artist . Read the dialogue below. I’ve removed the action beats and introspection to illustrate what you can learn from dialogue through the characters’ words alone. Pay particular attention to Ken’s comment.
"Annie, they’re beautiful. I had no idea you were an artist."
"I wouldn’t call me an artist."
"I would," he said.
"Thank you."
"You’re welcome. Have you painted others?"
"A whole attic full."
"Seriously?"
"Seriously. Sailboats. Sunsets. More flowers."
"You should sell them."
"You mean I should rent space at a gas station like the people who sell those black-velvet paintings?"
"Not quite. Look. I’m practical. Don’t forget this is a tourist town. People spend money
like water when they’re on vacation, and paintings like these could sell. Once you have a reputation, who knows what they would bring in?"
"I don’t think so," she said. "Look at them. They’re flawed."
"Life’s flawed. That’s what makes them real."
The dialogue shows us some things about both Annie and Ken. First Annie doubts her talent. Next we notice that Annie has a difficult time accepting compliments. Instead she makes a joke to deal with her discomfort–"You mean rent space at a gas station..." Although you might chuckle, she’s obviously putting down her work. She also makes it clear that she sees her work as flawed, just as she sees herself flawed.
But here’s where we learn something significant about Ken. He tells us that life is flawed and that’s what makes her artistic efforts real. Obviously Ken sees monetary value in Annie’s paintings and if you’d read the story, you’d know that she does need money.
Sometimes action and introspection gives us a clearer picture than the dialogue can do alone.
When Ken comments on Annie’s artistic ability, she shakes her head. "I wouldn’t call me an artist," and when Ken says he would, Annie gives a one-shoulder shrug. "Thank you." He says her voice was soft. Notice the humility we hear from Ken’s comment and Annie’s gesture. Read the complete excerpt.
Leaning closer to the painting, he saw the artist’s marking. So simple: Annie, written in a delicate flourish.
He spun around. "Annie?" He pointed to her.
A soft flush rose up her neck in the lamp light, and she nodded.
"Annie, they’re beautiful. I had no idea you were an artist."
She shook her head. "I wouldn’t call me an artist."
"I would," he said.
She gave a one-shoulder shrug. "Thank you." Her voice was soft.
"You’re welcome," he said, pivoting to view the walls around the room. "Have you painted others?"
She gestured toward the ceiling. "A whole attic full."
"Seriously?" His pulse tripped, witnessing a side of her he’d never considered.
"Seriously. Sailboats. Sunsets. More flowers."
He couldn’t imagine works like these gathering dust in a loft. The talent could give her an outlet and contact with people. "You should sell them."
"You mean I should rent space at a gas station like the people who sell those black-velvet paintings?" She eyed him with an uneasy grin.
"Not quite." He returned to his seat, but paused before he sat. "Look. I’m practical. Don’t forget this is a tourist town. People spend money like water when they’re on vacation, and paintings like these could sell. Once you have a reputation, who knows what they would bring in?"
Purpose charged through him. Not money, but something more. A goal for Annie.
"I don’t think so." She rose, ambled to the three paintings, then crossed her arms. "Look at them. They’re flawed."
"Life’s flawed. That’s what makes them real." Ken’s words punched his heart.
Ken’s eagerness when he learn Annie has more paintings and his suggestions she sell them could come across as meddling, especially when he mentions the money she would earn, but when we hear the dialogue along with seeing the body movements and internal monologue, we better understand Ken’s purpose. Selling them seems to be an afterthought in the light of his introspection. Ken’s concern is Annie’s lack of social contact and her loneliness.
Ken’s comment, "Life’s flawed. That’s what makes them real," punched his heart. This line is a clue to Ken’s own conflict. He feels flawed, and though he finds Annie interesting, the reader sees Ken must deal with his own issues before he can fall in love. This set of dialogue illustrates how dialogue can stand alone but often it can be enhanced and say even more by the other two components of introspection and action.
"Annie, they’re beautiful. I had no idea you were an artist."
"I wouldn’t call me an artist."
"I would," he said.
"Thank you."
"You’re welcome. Have you painted others?"
"A whole attic full."
"Seriously?"
"Seriously. Sailboats. Sunsets. More flowers."
"You should sell them."
"You mean I should rent space at a gas station like the people who sell those black-velvet paintings?"
"Not quite. Look. I’m practical. Don’t forget this is a tourist town. People spend money
like water when they’re on vacation, and paintings like these could sell. Once you have a reputation, who knows what they would bring in?"
"I don’t think so," she said. "Look at them. They’re flawed."
"Life’s flawed. That’s what makes them real."
The dialogue shows us some things about both Annie and Ken. First Annie doubts her talent. Next we notice that Annie has a difficult time accepting compliments. Instead she makes a joke to deal with her discomfort–"You mean rent space at a gas station..." Although you might chuckle, she’s obviously putting down her work. She also makes it clear that she sees her work as flawed, just as she sees herself flawed.
But here’s where we learn something significant about Ken. He tells us that life is flawed and that’s what makes her artistic efforts real. Obviously Ken sees monetary value in Annie’s paintings and if you’d read the story, you’d know that she does need money.
Sometimes action and introspection gives us a clearer picture than the dialogue can do alone.
When Ken comments on Annie’s artistic ability, she shakes her head. "I wouldn’t call me an artist," and when Ken says he would, Annie gives a one-shoulder shrug. "Thank you." He says her voice was soft. Notice the humility we hear from Ken’s comment and Annie’s gesture. Read the complete excerpt.
Leaning closer to the painting, he saw the artist’s marking. So simple: Annie, written in a delicate flourish.
He spun around. "Annie?" He pointed to her.
A soft flush rose up her neck in the lamp light, and she nodded.
"Annie, they’re beautiful. I had no idea you were an artist."
She shook her head. "I wouldn’t call me an artist."
"I would," he said.
She gave a one-shoulder shrug. "Thank you." Her voice was soft.
"You’re welcome," he said, pivoting to view the walls around the room. "Have you painted others?"
She gestured toward the ceiling. "A whole attic full."
"Seriously?" His pulse tripped, witnessing a side of her he’d never considered.
"Seriously. Sailboats. Sunsets. More flowers."
He couldn’t imagine works like these gathering dust in a loft. The talent could give her an outlet and contact with people. "You should sell them."
"You mean I should rent space at a gas station like the people who sell those black-velvet paintings?" She eyed him with an uneasy grin.
"Not quite." He returned to his seat, but paused before he sat. "Look. I’m practical. Don’t forget this is a tourist town. People spend money like water when they’re on vacation, and paintings like these could sell. Once you have a reputation, who knows what they would bring in?"
Purpose charged through him. Not money, but something more. A goal for Annie.
"I don’t think so." She rose, ambled to the three paintings, then crossed her arms. "Look at them. They’re flawed."
"Life’s flawed. That’s what makes them real." Ken’s words punched his heart.
Ken’s eagerness when he learn Annie has more paintings and his suggestions she sell them could come across as meddling, especially when he mentions the money she would earn, but when we hear the dialogue along with seeing the body movements and internal monologue, we better understand Ken’s purpose. Selling them seems to be an afterthought in the light of his introspection. Ken’s concern is Annie’s lack of social contact and her loneliness.
Ken’s comment, "Life’s flawed. That’s what makes them real," punched his heart. This line is a clue to Ken’s own conflict. He feels flawed, and though he finds Annie interesting, the reader sees Ken must deal with his own issues before he can fall in love. This set of dialogue illustrates how dialogue can stand alone but often it can be enhanced and say even more by the other two components of introspection and action.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Writing The Character's Dialogue Not Yours
One thing authors must watch is dialogue that reflects the characters and not their own personality. Yes writer's voice is a phenomena that creates remarkable and identifiable writing styles. Each author uses sentence structure, musical rhythm in the words they chose. It's the way we hear a composer's music and know that it's the Beatles or Bach or Brahms or the BeeGees. (Notice I show my age here -- but not with Bach and Brahms)
Still, in fiction, an author must amid their writers voice create individual characterization that sounds like the personality, age, occupation, regional setting, and education of each character. As I mentioned, men speak differently than women in most cases. Men use fewer words; women use many more with more detail.
To create three-dimensional characters, you will want to spend time getting to know your character and his personality--all of the details that give him a recognizable voice.
Reading blogs the other day, I ran across one called Suite101.com and read a few of the blogs on dialogue. This topic of sounding like your character was discussed by David Brandl, called Putting Your Words Into Somebody Else's Mouth and I wanted to share the link with you.
Click here: Writing Dialogue - Putting Your Words Into Somebody Else's Mouth
Two other dialogue topics that caught my interest are listed below. Though they repeat much of what I already said, I think it's wise to see someone else's take on a subject. The explanation might trigger a new thought or a new idea.
Jennifer Jensen blogged on: Character's Need Unique Dialogue
Click here: Characters Need Unique Dialogue: Speech Patterns, Word Choices Make Each Character Sound Different
The topic of Dialogue Spices Up Fiction was blogged by Debbie Roome. Click here: Dialogue Spices up Fiction: Speech between Characters is an Important Part of any Novel
I hope you find these blog entries helpful.
Still, in fiction, an author must amid their writers voice create individual characterization that sounds like the personality, age, occupation, regional setting, and education of each character. As I mentioned, men speak differently than women in most cases. Men use fewer words; women use many more with more detail.
To create three-dimensional characters, you will want to spend time getting to know your character and his personality--all of the details that give him a recognizable voice.
Reading blogs the other day, I ran across one called Suite101.com and read a few of the blogs on dialogue. This topic of sounding like your character was discussed by David Brandl, called Putting Your Words Into Somebody Else's Mouth and I wanted to share the link with you.
Click here: Writing Dialogue - Putting Your Words Into Somebody Else's Mouth
Two other dialogue topics that caught my interest are listed below. Though they repeat much of what I already said, I think it's wise to see someone else's take on a subject. The explanation might trigger a new thought or a new idea.
Jennifer Jensen blogged on: Character's Need Unique Dialogue
Click here: Characters Need Unique Dialogue: Speech Patterns, Word Choices Make Each Character Sound Different
The topic of Dialogue Spices Up Fiction was blogged by Debbie Roome. Click here: Dialogue Spices up Fiction: Speech between Characters is an Important Part of any Novel
I hope you find these blog entries helpful.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Dialogue Tags -- What's Better?
Dialogue should reflect the way people really talk, but needs to be controlled – that means no chitchat – real and purposeful. Start dialogue in the center of the conversation where the "meat" of the important information begins.
How can an author do this? First, people don’t speak in long paragraphs. Dialogue is often broken by interruptions or by action and introspection. Sentences are not always complete or follow a logical pattern. Responses sometimes only repeat what the other character has said. Questions are avoided by talking around the question or responding with another question. This keeps the dialogue sounding real while creating conflict and interest. It also gives the page white space which is reader friendly.
"Why are you so quiet?" Sue asked.
Bob lifted his head, "I’m thinking."
"Thinking?""Yes, about my business trip this weekend. I’ll have lots of free time."
"Free time?"
He fidgeted a moment, then looked her in the eyes.
"Would you like to go with me?"
"Go with you? Why?"Her answered caught him off guard and he had to come up with answer. "Well, I thought--"
"You figured I’d jump at the chance to go. Well, you’re wrong."
Notice how Sue responds with questions and also how she cut him off. We can sense his confusion and her irritation, and as readers we know something important is underlying this conversation.
He Said. She said
Look at the dialogue above. Notice the word said or asked is used only one times yet the reader knows who is speaking. If tags are used, said and asked are the two most acceptable choices but avoiding them as much as possible is the way to go. Most tags, such as: replied, inserted, quipped, queried, responded and inserted, are distracting and are signs of an inexperienced writer. Rather than using tags, an author can use an action or internal monologue and introspection to show the speaker as you see in the example above.
Using the lines above, you can create emotion but using body action and introspection to add even more to the lines.
"Go with you? Why?" She shifted closer.
"Well, I thought--"
You thought. I bet you did. For the first time she realized the kind of man he really was. "You figured I’d jump at the chance to go. Well, you’re wrong."
When Sue shifts closer, you can almost picture this as an attack, and you know if for sure when you hear her introspection before her response, "You figured I’d jump. . . "
You can add so much more to dialogue by using body action and introspection to replace tags in dialogue. You not only make the dialogue more interesting but your additions can add to the emotion of the scene.
How can an author do this? First, people don’t speak in long paragraphs. Dialogue is often broken by interruptions or by action and introspection. Sentences are not always complete or follow a logical pattern. Responses sometimes only repeat what the other character has said. Questions are avoided by talking around the question or responding with another question. This keeps the dialogue sounding real while creating conflict and interest. It also gives the page white space which is reader friendly.
"Why are you so quiet?" Sue asked.
Bob lifted his head, "I’m thinking."
"Thinking?""Yes, about my business trip this weekend. I’ll have lots of free time."
"Free time?"
He fidgeted a moment, then looked her in the eyes.
"Would you like to go with me?"
"Go with you? Why?"Her answered caught him off guard and he had to come up with answer. "Well, I thought--"
"You figured I’d jump at the chance to go. Well, you’re wrong."
Notice how Sue responds with questions and also how she cut him off. We can sense his confusion and her irritation, and as readers we know something important is underlying this conversation.
He Said. She said
Look at the dialogue above. Notice the word said or asked is used only one times yet the reader knows who is speaking. If tags are used, said and asked are the two most acceptable choices but avoiding them as much as possible is the way to go. Most tags, such as: replied, inserted, quipped, queried, responded and inserted, are distracting and are signs of an inexperienced writer. Rather than using tags, an author can use an action or internal monologue and introspection to show the speaker as you see in the example above.
Using the lines above, you can create emotion but using body action and introspection to add even more to the lines.
"Go with you? Why?" She shifted closer.
"Well, I thought--"
You thought. I bet you did. For the first time she realized the kind of man he really was. "You figured I’d jump at the chance to go. Well, you’re wrong."
When Sue shifts closer, you can almost picture this as an attack, and you know if for sure when you hear her introspection before her response, "You figured I’d jump. . . "
You can add so much more to dialogue by using body action and introspection to replace tags in dialogue. You not only make the dialogue more interesting but your additions can add to the emotion of the scene.
Dialogue Styles
Conversational styles vary from person to person, from personality to personality so an author wants to be aware of those styles when it comes to dialogue in fiction. Gender, education, occupation, age, environment (part of the country), upbringing, and so many other factors affect how a person talks. Listening to teenagers is a good example of dialogue differences: He goes, "I think you're cute," and I go, "Oh yah."
Regional Dialects
Some people who specialize in language can not only name the state a person is from but often the city. Writing these subtleties in fiction is not easy, but differences can be alluded to and allow the reader to hear the dialogue in their imagination.
You know that Bostonians will drop the "R" in their words. They drive a cah and put the cow in a bahn. It would be foolish to write a novel this way, but using a reference like this once or twice will create the illusion of a Boston accident in a novel. A "valley girl" from California has a distinctive way of speaking and we know the twang of some southerners. Using common phrases of the area will help the reader to get the flavor of the setting. Ya'll or Y'all makes a southern dialect obvious.
Gender DifferencesOne thing that’s obvious about dialogue is that men and women have different interests and styles of talking. Men talk about sports, politics and business. Women talk about feelings and relationships. Women express their emotions. Men tend to cover emotions with silence or change the subject, anyway to not deal with them.
In a 2004 CNN interview with Allan and Barbara Pease, it was stated that women can speak 20,000 to 24,000 words a day versus a man's top end of 7,000 to 10,000. That's 60% more talking. Women use more words because they like to offer details and feelings. Men deal with "only the facts ma'am."
Men also see things differently. Most are not bowled over by color, fabric, design -- unless it's an automobile or machine -- and so when men describe a women's outfit, it might be blue or red, but never aqua marine and scarlet. These are only a few differences but enough to alert authors that men and women have different dialogue styles.
Occupation Lingo
Whether they mean to or not, people talk using lingo from their occupations, hobbies, interests, and areas of expertise. While a man might use the phrase, you hit a home run with that idea or I'll go to bat for you or You just struck out with her, women wouldn't use these phrases in most situations. Women would more commonly use phrases such as: I'm up to my elbows in projects, you feel flat on your face, or Look at twinkle toes. As a novelist, the word deadline springs up in my conversation even when I'm talking about something other than writing. Tweak has definitely been a word added to my vocabulary.
Education and Upbringing
Characters who are not well educated will use more slang, cliches, dropped endings and bad grammar. I ain't gonna do that. Avoid making all characters speak in perfect English. Listen to people around you. How often do you hear the wrong verb with a subject. His eyes is beautiful. Each room in the all buildings are decorated differently. An occasional gonna or goin' works to set a regional or educational tone.
Whether gender, education, regional or age, make sure that the language and speaking style fit your character and is consistent throughout. Only with growth and change will readers expected differences and some things never change when it comes to dialogue.
Regional Dialects
Some people who specialize in language can not only name the state a person is from but often the city. Writing these subtleties in fiction is not easy, but differences can be alluded to and allow the reader to hear the dialogue in their imagination.
You know that Bostonians will drop the "R" in their words. They drive a cah and put the cow in a bahn. It would be foolish to write a novel this way, but using a reference like this once or twice will create the illusion of a Boston accident in a novel. A "valley girl" from California has a distinctive way of speaking and we know the twang of some southerners. Using common phrases of the area will help the reader to get the flavor of the setting. Ya'll or Y'all makes a southern dialect obvious.
Gender DifferencesOne thing that’s obvious about dialogue is that men and women have different interests and styles of talking. Men talk about sports, politics and business. Women talk about feelings and relationships. Women express their emotions. Men tend to cover emotions with silence or change the subject, anyway to not deal with them.
In a 2004 CNN interview with Allan and Barbara Pease, it was stated that women can speak 20,000 to 24,000 words a day versus a man's top end of 7,000 to 10,000. That's 60% more talking. Women use more words because they like to offer details and feelings. Men deal with "only the facts ma'am."
Men also see things differently. Most are not bowled over by color, fabric, design -- unless it's an automobile or machine -- and so when men describe a women's outfit, it might be blue or red, but never aqua marine and scarlet. These are only a few differences but enough to alert authors that men and women have different dialogue styles.
Occupation Lingo
Whether they mean to or not, people talk using lingo from their occupations, hobbies, interests, and areas of expertise. While a man might use the phrase, you hit a home run with that idea or I'll go to bat for you or You just struck out with her, women wouldn't use these phrases in most situations. Women would more commonly use phrases such as: I'm up to my elbows in projects, you feel flat on your face, or Look at twinkle toes. As a novelist, the word deadline springs up in my conversation even when I'm talking about something other than writing. Tweak has definitely been a word added to my vocabulary.
Education and Upbringing
Characters who are not well educated will use more slang, cliches, dropped endings and bad grammar. I ain't gonna do that. Avoid making all characters speak in perfect English. Listen to people around you. How often do you hear the wrong verb with a subject. His eyes is beautiful. Each room in the all buildings are decorated differently. An occasional gonna or goin' works to set a regional or educational tone.
Whether gender, education, regional or age, make sure that the language and speaking style fit your character and is consistent throughout. Only with growth and change will readers expected differences and some things never change when it comes to dialogue.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
In Fiction, Dialogue Is Not Chitchat.
"Hi. How are you?"
"Fine. Thanks, and you?"
"I’m doing well."
"Glad to hear it."
Would you read a novel that offers this kind of dialogue? I doubt it. Dialogue is not conversation. Conversation can be boring. People talk about the weather, their kids, their aches and pains, gas prices, the latest political news, and their shopping sprees.
In fiction, dialogue serves three basic purposes—to move the storyline forward by providing new information, to set a mood or establish a theme, and to reflect character through attitude, speech mannerisms, and word choice. Dialogue can tell us something about the characters education, career, ethnic background, age, and place of residence.Dialogue With PurposeChitchat is part of daily conversation, but dialogue is purposeful. It provides readers with information that fills in the blanks, allows readers to relate to the characters by getting to know them, foreshadows problems or events to come, and sets up conflicts.
In my novel Loving Ways, readers learn more about Annie and Ken’s characters through dialogue. Annie's given her life as a caregiver for her father who just died while four siblings appear looking for what they get from Dad's meager estate. Annie is broke and jobless. In this scene, Ken notices a water color hanging on her living room wall and learns that Annie painted it. This dialogue minus the action and introspection which I've removed for the purpose of illustration, demonstrates how much a reader learns about the characters through their words.
"Annie, they're beautiful. I had no idea you were an artist."
"I wouldn’t call me an artist."
"I would," he said."
"Thank you."
"Have you painted others?"
"A whole attic full."
"Seriously?"
"Seriously. Sailboats. Sunsets. More flowers."
"You should sell them."
"You mean I should rent space at a gas station like the people who sell those black-velvet paintings?"
"Not quite. Look. I’m practical. Don’t forget this is a tourist town. People spend money like water when they’re on vacation, and paintings like these could sell. Once you have a reputation, who knows what they would bring in?"
"I don’t think so," she said. "Look at them. They're flawed."
"Life’s flawed. That’s what makes them real."
In this short piece of dialogue, readers can pick up Annie and Ken's character. You can observe that Annie is humble about her talent and when she's uncomfortable talking about it, she makes jokes --- references to the velvet paintings at gas stations. Annie also shows a sense of hopelessness. She sees no worth in her art as she sees no worth in herself.
Ken shows sensitivity to Annie's plight and his admiration for her is evident, but he always shows an important attitude that guides his outlook. Life is flawed. This short excerpt of dialogue is purposeful in providing depth to both Annie and Ken's characterization. Their differences might also hint at conflict.
Dialogue must be purposeful, providing information that helps the reader gain insight into plot, character, or emotional reactions. Use dialogue as a tool to strengthen the story and move it forward.
More about dialogue to come.
"Fine. Thanks, and you?"
"I’m doing well."
"Glad to hear it."
Would you read a novel that offers this kind of dialogue? I doubt it. Dialogue is not conversation. Conversation can be boring. People talk about the weather, their kids, their aches and pains, gas prices, the latest political news, and their shopping sprees.
In fiction, dialogue serves three basic purposes—to move the storyline forward by providing new information, to set a mood or establish a theme, and to reflect character through attitude, speech mannerisms, and word choice. Dialogue can tell us something about the characters education, career, ethnic background, age, and place of residence.Dialogue With PurposeChitchat is part of daily conversation, but dialogue is purposeful. It provides readers with information that fills in the blanks, allows readers to relate to the characters by getting to know them, foreshadows problems or events to come, and sets up conflicts.
In my novel Loving Ways, readers learn more about Annie and Ken’s characters through dialogue. Annie's given her life as a caregiver for her father who just died while four siblings appear looking for what they get from Dad's meager estate. Annie is broke and jobless. In this scene, Ken notices a water color hanging on her living room wall and learns that Annie painted it. This dialogue minus the action and introspection which I've removed for the purpose of illustration, demonstrates how much a reader learns about the characters through their words.
"Annie, they're beautiful. I had no idea you were an artist."
"I wouldn’t call me an artist."
"I would," he said."
"Thank you."
"Have you painted others?"
"A whole attic full."
"Seriously?"
"Seriously. Sailboats. Sunsets. More flowers."
"You should sell them."
"You mean I should rent space at a gas station like the people who sell those black-velvet paintings?"
"Not quite. Look. I’m practical. Don’t forget this is a tourist town. People spend money like water when they’re on vacation, and paintings like these could sell. Once you have a reputation, who knows what they would bring in?"
"I don’t think so," she said. "Look at them. They're flawed."
"Life’s flawed. That’s what makes them real."
In this short piece of dialogue, readers can pick up Annie and Ken's character. You can observe that Annie is humble about her talent and when she's uncomfortable talking about it, she makes jokes --- references to the velvet paintings at gas stations. Annie also shows a sense of hopelessness. She sees no worth in her art as she sees no worth in herself.
Ken shows sensitivity to Annie's plight and his admiration for her is evident, but he always shows an important attitude that guides his outlook. Life is flawed. This short excerpt of dialogue is purposeful in providing depth to both Annie and Ken's characterization. Their differences might also hint at conflict.
Dialogue must be purposeful, providing information that helps the reader gain insight into plot, character, or emotional reactions. Use dialogue as a tool to strengthen the story and move it forward.
More about dialogue to come.
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