The time-old question “which came first the chicken or the egg” is one of those moot questions we don’t waste our time on, but as authors, the “which comes first” is an important issue in developing sentence structure. I’m an author who loves the music of words and I listen to the cadence of a line and change the wording if it doesn’t provide the rhythm I want. This means I’m a person who needs to pay attention to the “cause and effect” element of my statement so I don’t change a sentence to meet one need while losing the impact of motivation and response.
Dwight Swain teaches the concept of MR unit, referring to the order in which words should fall. M stands for motivation and R for reaction. A person is always motivated by someone or something before he takes action. He’s hungry. He goes into the kitchen. He can’t see. He turns on the light. According to Swain’s teach once motivated the character’s follows the pattern of: feeling, action, speech. An excerpt from his book, Techniques of the Selling Novel provides this example. Look at these lines and place a 1, 2, 3, and 4 on the blanks to show the proper order of these sentences when considering the motivation and reaction.
______She Smiled.
______”How’s it going, Jill?” he asked.
______”Just fine, thanks.”
_____A glow of warmth crept through Jill.
According to Swain, here are th answers from top to bottom: 3, 1, 4, 2
“How’s it going Jill?” he asked. (Motivation)
A glow of warmth crept through Jill. (Feeling)
She smiled. (Action)
“Just fine, thanks.” (Speech)
This is the basic idea to consider when deciding which comes first as you structure your narration and dialogue. In all of your writing, consider cause and then effect.
Look at this sentence. She hurried to close the box when she heard Bill coming into the room.
In this case, I’ve give you effect first and cause second. A reader would face her closing the lock without understanding why she was in a hurry, so this sentence needs to he rewritten: She heard Bill coming into the room and hurried to close the box. In this order, we see the motivation and then the response or action following. This still leaves a hook because we don’t know why she fears Bill knowing she had unlocked the door or chest or whatever it was.
Though this may seem silly or unimportant, writing/storytelling can be improved by placing events in the cause and effect order. Her lungs failed her when she saw the glorious sunset. Turn it around, and it makes more sense. When she saw the glorious sunset, her lungs failed her. Now the sentence has more impact.
While cadence is important—the music of the words—don’t lose the cause and effect order in your novel. Readers want to know why something happened—so show them cause and then response.
Showing posts with label Language of Fiction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Language of Fiction. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Your Plot Drags? Fix It.
Authors don’t always realize their plot drags until they step back and take a fresh look. It’s always good to give your story a rest for a week or two, if you have time to spare, and then read with new eyes. The brilliant words can dull with time and that means authors need to dissect the plot, the language and techniques to bring the story to life and make it shine again .
In December of 2007, I discussed four technique problems that affect the quality of a novel: POV, pacing, dialogue and passive writing (show don’t tell). Here are a few more elements that deal with faltering plots to add to that list:
• Descriptions: Bringing a scene to life takes balance. Too much description can bog a novel, but too little loses some of the ways in which your reader can envision your story. Describing each pebble on the path is a bit too much, but describing how a path meanders into the woods weighted with tree limbs, their fingers reaching for the sun can add to your novel. First the language is vivid. Next it can set the tone. Using the phrase “fingers reaching for the sun” can add a sense of foreboding to a suspense novel as can the word weighted. It can also reflect the characters personal burdens, his despair and heavy-heartedness. Use description effectively by making it do more work for you.
• Language and Grammar: Although grammar and punctuation are important elements, especially in narration, remember that even narration comes from a POV character. We are looking at the scene through a character’s eyes. Keep the vocabulary, sentence structure, and tone reflecting the POV character. Use the career lingo and regional vocabulary to make the language real for a specific character. Don’t forget we often speak in partial sentences. We don’t always respond to a question with an answer. Sometimes we restate part of the question: “Hit by a car?” or we respond to requests with: “You want me to what?” Listen to conversations and make your dialogue real. Short sentences add excitement or urgency. Longer ones are more thought-provoking or romantic. Plots bog when dialogue becomes chitchat or when the language is stilted.
• Slow Action Scenes: Though you are trying to make an action scene exciting, learn when to present move by move detail and when to tighten your descriptions. As I said that short sentences in dialogue add excitement, the same happens with description. Joe saw it coming. The chair hurled past. He ducked his head and hit the floor. These three sentences create an image of excitement and action. The same idea can lessen the excitement with too much description. Joe watched the man enter the room, his eyes nailing Joe to the spot. With a quick move, the stranger grasped the chair, raised it over his head and flung it toward him. As he watched it sweep past, Joe ducked and threw himself on the floor behind the sofa. See the difference? Sometimes the readers feels more emotion from fewer words that create more tension and excitement.
• Missing Information: Authors are required to do research for most every book, and often gather far more details and ideas than they can use. Sometimes in trying to be discriminating by choosing only what seems the most important details or facts, the author ends up with the feeling that something is missing. Before adding more information, have a second party read that scene or chapters where the problem seems to occur and decide what will fill in the blanks. If the missing pieces are historical, do more research or try for a reasonable guess, and you can always add a line in your letter to the reader—that you’ve taken an author’s prerogative to make historical changes or additions. If the knowledge on any other topic is not readily available,(for example whether or not a certain code can be deciphered by a computer program and how long it would take), you can use your imagination. If you watch TV, you’ll see many police shows use tests and equipment that stretch the truth. Again it’s screenwriter’s prerogative. If you acknowledge the deception, readers will be less likely to write long scathing letters to tell you how stupid you are.
• Giving Your Book A Classic Plot: When your plot seems to be unraveling, think of other novels you’ve read even childhood tales and fairy tales. Notice the classic story structure and review your novel to make sure you’ve provided good motivation, a strong personal goal that makes a difference in the life of the main character, and a series of growing conflicts with powerful opposition. Opposition can be a person, a group, a belief or a deep-seeded fear. Then make sure you provide a satisfying ending that gives a reader pleasure. If you do this, you can stop worrying. If you’ve missed one of these important story elements, revise your plot to make it more dynamic.
These additional solutions can help your novel to be saleable and a great read.
In December of 2007, I discussed four technique problems that affect the quality of a novel: POV, pacing, dialogue and passive writing (show don’t tell). Here are a few more elements that deal with faltering plots to add to that list:
• Descriptions: Bringing a scene to life takes balance. Too much description can bog a novel, but too little loses some of the ways in which your reader can envision your story. Describing each pebble on the path is a bit too much, but describing how a path meanders into the woods weighted with tree limbs, their fingers reaching for the sun can add to your novel. First the language is vivid. Next it can set the tone. Using the phrase “fingers reaching for the sun” can add a sense of foreboding to a suspense novel as can the word weighted. It can also reflect the characters personal burdens, his despair and heavy-heartedness. Use description effectively by making it do more work for you.
• Language and Grammar: Although grammar and punctuation are important elements, especially in narration, remember that even narration comes from a POV character. We are looking at the scene through a character’s eyes. Keep the vocabulary, sentence structure, and tone reflecting the POV character. Use the career lingo and regional vocabulary to make the language real for a specific character. Don’t forget we often speak in partial sentences. We don’t always respond to a question with an answer. Sometimes we restate part of the question: “Hit by a car?” or we respond to requests with: “You want me to what?” Listen to conversations and make your dialogue real. Short sentences add excitement or urgency. Longer ones are more thought-provoking or romantic. Plots bog when dialogue becomes chitchat or when the language is stilted.
• Slow Action Scenes: Though you are trying to make an action scene exciting, learn when to present move by move detail and when to tighten your descriptions. As I said that short sentences in dialogue add excitement, the same happens with description. Joe saw it coming. The chair hurled past. He ducked his head and hit the floor. These three sentences create an image of excitement and action. The same idea can lessen the excitement with too much description. Joe watched the man enter the room, his eyes nailing Joe to the spot. With a quick move, the stranger grasped the chair, raised it over his head and flung it toward him. As he watched it sweep past, Joe ducked and threw himself on the floor behind the sofa. See the difference? Sometimes the readers feels more emotion from fewer words that create more tension and excitement.
• Missing Information: Authors are required to do research for most every book, and often gather far more details and ideas than they can use. Sometimes in trying to be discriminating by choosing only what seems the most important details or facts, the author ends up with the feeling that something is missing. Before adding more information, have a second party read that scene or chapters where the problem seems to occur and decide what will fill in the blanks. If the missing pieces are historical, do more research or try for a reasonable guess, and you can always add a line in your letter to the reader—that you’ve taken an author’s prerogative to make historical changes or additions. If the knowledge on any other topic is not readily available,(for example whether or not a certain code can be deciphered by a computer program and how long it would take), you can use your imagination. If you watch TV, you’ll see many police shows use tests and equipment that stretch the truth. Again it’s screenwriter’s prerogative. If you acknowledge the deception, readers will be less likely to write long scathing letters to tell you how stupid you are.
• Giving Your Book A Classic Plot: When your plot seems to be unraveling, think of other novels you’ve read even childhood tales and fairy tales. Notice the classic story structure and review your novel to make sure you’ve provided good motivation, a strong personal goal that makes a difference in the life of the main character, and a series of growing conflicts with powerful opposition. Opposition can be a person, a group, a belief or a deep-seeded fear. Then make sure you provide a satisfying ending that gives a reader pleasure. If you do this, you can stop worrying. If you’ve missed one of these important story elements, revise your plot to make it more dynamic.
These additional solutions can help your novel to be saleable and a great read.
Friday, May 6, 2011
WAYS TO IMPROVE YOUR WRITING STYLE
Newer authors struggle with writing technique, and long time writers still find elements in writing that are their nemesis. Being aware of problem areas in your writing can help you move ahead as a writer when you focus on them and find ways to improve those techniques. Here are a few tips on become a better writer.
• Write active. Passive voice has a place in writing, but passive writing is a negative element. The most telltale clue to passive writing is the “to be” verbs: was, were, is, are, be, been, and being. One of the main problems with these verbs are they tell rather than show. She was beautiful. Can you picture this? Not really. But can you picture this? Her long raven-colored hair hung down her back in thick waves, brushing against her slender arms and contrasting with her eyes, the color of a Caribbean sea. Now you can get a picture of this woman.
• Avoid phrases that tell rather than show, such as felt and seem. I felt sick. Why not show the feeling through more vivid language. Nausea roiled in my stomach, burning its way to my throat with the stench of the decaying body. This sentence is far more dramatic and makes an impact on the reader. Avoid those words, such as: I felt, He believe, She seemed and In my opinion. You want your narration to come to life more fully with description and emotion.
• Redundancy of phrases and description slows down a novel and makes readers wonder if the author thinks they’re stupid, otherwise why would they keep telling them the same thing over and over? If a character has an experience or if a telephone call is heard by the reader, don’t retell what happened to another character. Use transitions, such as: After telling Joe what she’d seen, Allie pulled up her shoulders and waited for his response. Or forming the awful words in her mind, she related the horrible situation to Joe. Now the author can move along with new information—a discussion on what happened, possible solutions to the problem or if in the other character’s POV, you can show that character’s emotion over the situation.
• Don’t overuse words. Authors tend to have favorite words. Run a “find and replace” check on those words that you seem to overuse and find a synonym that means the same or similar. Not only words but phrases can cause a problem. Romance writers tend to use phrases, such as: her heart fluttered or her pulse hammered. Find new and more interesting ways to express those feelings. This happens in all genre so all authors need to keep an eye on repeated phrases. Even something as simple as repetitive nouns: John invited her in and motioned toward a chair. She crossed the room and sank into the chair. Instead, use cushion or seat. This can also happen with verbs. He looked at her. He gazed at her. He eyed her. He studied her. He searched her face. Make sure you use a variety of verbs. In a long novel, you will find some of these words will be used over and over.
• Avoid adverbs. Adverbs trigger weak writing to an editor and many readers. Instead of using adverbs, select the most dynamic verb possible. For example: He said loudly . . How do you say something loudly? He bellowed. He yelled. He screamed. He roared. He hollered. You have many choices so don’t show weak writing by adding adverbs to said and asked. And don’t use tag words other than said and asked. “How have you been?” she queried. That’s almost laughable. Obviously she’s asking or querying by the nature of the sentence. Words like: replied, noted, responded, queried, questioned, and all those other tags jump out at the reader. Said and asked are words readers gloss over.
• Look for compound and complex sentences. Sentence that are two long and too complex can lose a reader. If he has to stop and reread a sentence, you have pulled the reader from your novel and broken the spell of your story. Keep sentence length fluid but be careful of making them too long. Longer sentences work best with quiet moments in a novel during introspection or sometimes romantic descriptions. Short sentences work well for drama, suspense, thrillers and adventure.
• Avoid $$$ words. If readers don’t know a word, they stop and look it up or ponder what it means. Although you might like using a “million dollar” word, you put the reader at a disadvantage. Keep the vocabulary in the POV character’s tone and verbal style. Vocabulary ties to your character’s education, experience and career. Make sure your vocabulary fits your character. Use language that most people can pronounce and understand.
• Avoid predict nominatives and predict adjectives. It’s the same as she was beautiful (a predicate adjective). The word “was” or any other form of the “to be” verb tells rather than shows. She was a ballerina (predicate nominative). Instead, describe her entrance into the room. She glided across the floor, her slender arms as fluid as music, as if she worn her tutu for the evening. Another example: He was a cowboy. Instead use description that shows he’s a cowboy. His Stetson sat cocked on his head like a rooster’s comb, reminding everyone he not only managed the ranch, he owned it. Much more vivid and showing.
Although this list could go on and on, tackle one these problem areas that affects your writing, and once you’ve strengthened that element, move on to a new one. Trying to change too many weak areas causes frustration. Improving one element at a time works best6, and you’ll make good progress polishing your writing and developing a quality style.
• Write active. Passive voice has a place in writing, but passive writing is a negative element. The most telltale clue to passive writing is the “to be” verbs: was, were, is, are, be, been, and being. One of the main problems with these verbs are they tell rather than show. She was beautiful. Can you picture this? Not really. But can you picture this? Her long raven-colored hair hung down her back in thick waves, brushing against her slender arms and contrasting with her eyes, the color of a Caribbean sea. Now you can get a picture of this woman.
• Avoid phrases that tell rather than show, such as felt and seem. I felt sick. Why not show the feeling through more vivid language. Nausea roiled in my stomach, burning its way to my throat with the stench of the decaying body. This sentence is far more dramatic and makes an impact on the reader. Avoid those words, such as: I felt, He believe, She seemed and In my opinion. You want your narration to come to life more fully with description and emotion.
• Redundancy of phrases and description slows down a novel and makes readers wonder if the author thinks they’re stupid, otherwise why would they keep telling them the same thing over and over? If a character has an experience or if a telephone call is heard by the reader, don’t retell what happened to another character. Use transitions, such as: After telling Joe what she’d seen, Allie pulled up her shoulders and waited for his response. Or forming the awful words in her mind, she related the horrible situation to Joe. Now the author can move along with new information—a discussion on what happened, possible solutions to the problem or if in the other character’s POV, you can show that character’s emotion over the situation.
• Don’t overuse words. Authors tend to have favorite words. Run a “find and replace” check on those words that you seem to overuse and find a synonym that means the same or similar. Not only words but phrases can cause a problem. Romance writers tend to use phrases, such as: her heart fluttered or her pulse hammered. Find new and more interesting ways to express those feelings. This happens in all genre so all authors need to keep an eye on repeated phrases. Even something as simple as repetitive nouns: John invited her in and motioned toward a chair. She crossed the room and sank into the chair. Instead, use cushion or seat. This can also happen with verbs. He looked at her. He gazed at her. He eyed her. He studied her. He searched her face. Make sure you use a variety of verbs. In a long novel, you will find some of these words will be used over and over.
• Avoid adverbs. Adverbs trigger weak writing to an editor and many readers. Instead of using adverbs, select the most dynamic verb possible. For example: He said loudly . . How do you say something loudly? He bellowed. He yelled. He screamed. He roared. He hollered. You have many choices so don’t show weak writing by adding adverbs to said and asked. And don’t use tag words other than said and asked. “How have you been?” she queried. That’s almost laughable. Obviously she’s asking or querying by the nature of the sentence. Words like: replied, noted, responded, queried, questioned, and all those other tags jump out at the reader. Said and asked are words readers gloss over.
• Look for compound and complex sentences. Sentence that are two long and too complex can lose a reader. If he has to stop and reread a sentence, you have pulled the reader from your novel and broken the spell of your story. Keep sentence length fluid but be careful of making them too long. Longer sentences work best with quiet moments in a novel during introspection or sometimes romantic descriptions. Short sentences work well for drama, suspense, thrillers and adventure.
• Avoid $$$ words. If readers don’t know a word, they stop and look it up or ponder what it means. Although you might like using a “million dollar” word, you put the reader at a disadvantage. Keep the vocabulary in the POV character’s tone and verbal style. Vocabulary ties to your character’s education, experience and career. Make sure your vocabulary fits your character. Use language that most people can pronounce and understand.
• Avoid predict nominatives and predict adjectives. It’s the same as she was beautiful (a predicate adjective). The word “was” or any other form of the “to be” verb tells rather than shows. She was a ballerina (predicate nominative). Instead, describe her entrance into the room. She glided across the floor, her slender arms as fluid as music, as if she worn her tutu for the evening. Another example: He was a cowboy. Instead use description that shows he’s a cowboy. His Stetson sat cocked on his head like a rooster’s comb, reminding everyone he not only managed the ranch, he owned it. Much more vivid and showing.
Although this list could go on and on, tackle one these problem areas that affects your writing, and once you’ve strengthened that element, move on to a new one. Trying to change too many weak areas causes frustration. Improving one element at a time works best6, and you’ll make good progress polishing your writing and developing a quality style.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Avoiding Cliches
Editors look for fresh writing. They want to read original analogies, similes and metaphors not overused phrases. Hot under the collar and as happy as a pig in mud carry meaning, but the meaning is trite and readers skim over the words without noticing so they lose the impact of what you’re saying.
As you work on your novels, especially as you create emotion or use descriptions of people or places, you can make your writing more memorable to readers by finding new ways to describe what the character sees.
I’ve used this example before, but here it is again. In romance, how many times can a heroine’s heart flutter or can she become breathless? These phrases are found in most romance novels, including mine, but I have worked hard to come up with new ways to express these feelings of emotion. One of my books has an examples that demonstrates this. The heroine Jemma has just met her mother-in-law’s cousin, Philip. Jemma and Philip are saying goodbye in Claire’s boutique. Jemma and her mother-in-law, Claire had very miserable marriages and are both widows.
Excerpt:
A summer pinwheel whirled in Jemma’s chest. No one gave her that much kind attention, not even Lyle. She murmured her thanks and sat nailed to her seat while Claire followed him toward the side door. His rich, genial voice drifted from the hallway.
Drawn to follow, Jemma rose and hovered behind them. Before he disappeared through the door, Philip gave her a summer-breeze smile, sending her internal pinwheel on another merry spin.
Notice how a summer pinwheel provides the same breathless flutter yet allows me to avoid the cliche phrase “her heart fluttered.” With the pinwheel analogy set up, I used the idea again in the next paragraph with references to his “summer-breeze” smile, sending her internal pinwheel on another merry spin.
This is so much more effective and creates more dynamic word pictures than using the trite phrases. Readers will remember this image.
Other examples:
Cliche: She was at the end of her rope.
Original: She stood on the edge, watching the cliff corrode beneath her feet.
Cliche: He was smart as a whip
Original: He answered every question with the speed of a NASCAR racer.
The original offers us the same meaning but with fresh images and concepts.
Cliche’s can be used dialogue if it fits the characterization. Most people use them in daily conversations, but don’t overuse trite language in your writing. Those phrases are skimmed by readers who’ve heard them so many times. Instead find creative ways to say the same thing, even in dialogue if it works with the character.
To see the kinds of cliche’s that should be avoided in your writing, here’s a wonderful website where you can find an amazing list of trite language by clicking http://www.suspense.net/whitefish/cliche.htm from Laura Hayden's "Left-Brain- Right Brain/Creativity Program."
As you work on your novels, especially as you create emotion or use descriptions of people or places, you can make your writing more memorable to readers by finding new ways to describe what the character sees.
I’ve used this example before, but here it is again. In romance, how many times can a heroine’s heart flutter or can she become breathless? These phrases are found in most romance novels, including mine, but I have worked hard to come up with new ways to express these feelings of emotion. One of my books has an examples that demonstrates this. The heroine Jemma has just met her mother-in-law’s cousin, Philip. Jemma and Philip are saying goodbye in Claire’s boutique. Jemma and her mother-in-law, Claire had very miserable marriages and are both widows.
Excerpt:
A summer pinwheel whirled in Jemma’s chest. No one gave her that much kind attention, not even Lyle. She murmured her thanks and sat nailed to her seat while Claire followed him toward the side door. His rich, genial voice drifted from the hallway.
Drawn to follow, Jemma rose and hovered behind them. Before he disappeared through the door, Philip gave her a summer-breeze smile, sending her internal pinwheel on another merry spin.
Notice how a summer pinwheel provides the same breathless flutter yet allows me to avoid the cliche phrase “her heart fluttered.” With the pinwheel analogy set up, I used the idea again in the next paragraph with references to his “summer-breeze” smile, sending her internal pinwheel on another merry spin.
This is so much more effective and creates more dynamic word pictures than using the trite phrases. Readers will remember this image.
Other examples:
Cliche: She was at the end of her rope.
Original: She stood on the edge, watching the cliff corrode beneath her feet.
Cliche: He was smart as a whip
Original: He answered every question with the speed of a NASCAR racer.
The original offers us the same meaning but with fresh images and concepts.
Cliche’s can be used dialogue if it fits the characterization. Most people use them in daily conversations, but don’t overuse trite language in your writing. Those phrases are skimmed by readers who’ve heard them so many times. Instead find creative ways to say the same thing, even in dialogue if it works with the character.
To see the kinds of cliche’s that should be avoided in your writing, here’s a wonderful website where you can find an amazing list of trite language by clicking http://www.suspense.net/whitefish/cliche.htm from Laura Hayden's "Left-Brain- Right Brain/Creativity Program."
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Subtlety in Fiction
The world may listen to shouters, but we are changed by those who whisper...
Author Mary DeMuth is columnist for Christian Fiction Online, a new magazine for novelists and is a friend of mine. A day or so ago, she blogged a great piece on subtlety in fiction and I wanted to share it with you.
Subtlety is not a common topic in writing workshops and in books, but I thought this information would be very helpful for you to understand the idea of not telling too much. Writers often feel that if they don’t explain things to the reader they won’t understand, so the message is hammered at them in numerous ways. This is a common problem and continues to be one even with seasoned authors, so if you can begin to consider this while learning to write, you’ll have half the battle one.
Mary uses examples from her latest novel, Daisy Chain, illustrate the difference that subtlety makes in a novel. She begins her article with this line which makes reference to the opening line of this blog:
The world may listen to shouters, but we are changed by those who whisper...
Mary says:
I’m the out-there girl, saying it all, holding back nothing. Even in my prose.
When I sing, I’m loud.
When I bang on the piano or play the guitar, I resound.
When I tell a story, I shout to the reader’s face.
Last night as I listened to my daughter’s choir concert, a memory flashed inside me—my voice coach tutoring me in high school. He’d put a hand on my shoulder, tell me to focus and to restrain my voice. My problem was a strong break between my chest and head tones—so strong I fancied myself only an alto, and would shy away from those breaking notes, G or A, depending on the day. He taught me that I could nullify the break in my voice if I quieted down.
I still sing loud, still break at G or A. Thickheaded me!
Then I remembered my piano teacher in college. (Don’t get any wild ideas. I’m no pianist. This was beginning piano.) I’d treat every series of notes as a crescendo, pounding the poor piano to death. My teacher, an aging Jewish man who spoke with reverence and beauty, told me to relax, to breathe. “Breathe, Mary. Slow down. Life’s not about getting to the end of the piece. Enjoy playing it. Don’t rush.” He saw into my character even then and spoke wisdom into me, but I resisted.
Surely life couldn’t be about subtlety. Mustn’t it always be shouted? Proclaimed? Told boldly? Painted with red and black and blue and yellow?
In the quiet of my home on the grayest of Texas days, I see the wisdom of both my music teachers. The world may listen to shouters, but we are changed by those who whisper, who sweetly coerce. The stories that cling to soul are those that unfold gently, like an elderly mother unfolds her daughter’s yellowed christening gown. Layer upon subtle layer is the stuff we are made of. To believe otherwise is to cheapen our worth.
Just for a moment, I’d love to hear my teachers’ voices cautioning me to slow down, to quiet my voice, to listen to the rhythm of life beating its hushed drum. I’d like to think I’d stop and listen—and actually heed this time.
In my latest novel, Daisy Chain (releasing this December through Zondervan), I pounded that plot to death, shouting, hollering, pointing. My editor, wise man that he is, restrained me, daring me to let the story hush its way to climax. He wrote, “Overall, the book needs more subtlety and development instead of up-front flatness.”
So I spent months working through the subterranean plot of my book, creating subtlety and nuance. I worked to make the threads flow seamlessly. I stopped banging the reader over the head with a scene. I let the story unfold.
Too abstract? Here’s an example:
First draft:
There, facing the bush, he smiled. Mama had stolen again—this time from old Mrs. Ree, known for her tangles of championship roses. Hap never saw the need for flowers, but Mama thrived on them, so she took to “borrowing” them from neighbors at night.
Second draft:
Facing the bush, Jed spied clean cuts where the neighbor’s roses had been given a haircut. Mama didn’t garden; she pruned flowers from other folks in the neighborhood, being particularly smitten with Ethrea Ree’s tangle of roses.
My editor’s comments about the second draft:
Even though I knew the answer, I thought, Now, why the heck does Mama do that? Which means: that’s exactly it. That’s what I think will give your readers only enough to make them keep reading, and you phrased it just perfectly. Excellent.
Instead of spelling out (shouting!) the why of Mama’s actions, I left it mysterious, inviting, and less insulting to my reader’s intelligence.
Author Lewis Carroll wrote this:
When you are describing,
A shape, or sound, or tint;
Don’t state the matter plainly,
But put in it a hint;
And learn to look at things,
With a sort of mental squint.
I’ve framed that quote in my writing office to remind me to rein in my outlandish words, to revel in subtlety, to do the harder work of weaving, rather than thrashing, a story.
Subtlety doesn’t meander its way through me, I know. But that doesn’t mean God can’t weave those threads through my outlandish soul. And it doesn’t mean I can’t learn how to create a subtler story. Both fixes (soul and words) require listening, reflecting, thinking, and taking a deep breath. At the end of the day, I know my soul and my stories will be better for it.
Gail says:
Mary’s explanation hopefully gives you food for thought. How can you take your work in progress and create subtleties that capture your readers interest by allowing the to wonder and to ask questions. Take one page of your work and see if you can change even one thing to add this element to your work. It’s the same ideas that I’ve said over and over about backstory. Too much ruins the story. This is the same. Too much information ruins the excitement of your novel and takes a way the curiosity factor for your reader.
If you’d like to read more from this blog site, here’s the link:
http://christianfictiononlinemagazine.com/brilliant_real.html
Author Mary DeMuth is columnist for Christian Fiction Online, a new magazine for novelists and is a friend of mine. A day or so ago, she blogged a great piece on subtlety in fiction and I wanted to share it with you.
Subtlety is not a common topic in writing workshops and in books, but I thought this information would be very helpful for you to understand the idea of not telling too much. Writers often feel that if they don’t explain things to the reader they won’t understand, so the message is hammered at them in numerous ways. This is a common problem and continues to be one even with seasoned authors, so if you can begin to consider this while learning to write, you’ll have half the battle one.
Mary uses examples from her latest novel, Daisy Chain, illustrate the difference that subtlety makes in a novel. She begins her article with this line which makes reference to the opening line of this blog:
The world may listen to shouters, but we are changed by those who whisper...
Mary says:
I’m the out-there girl, saying it all, holding back nothing. Even in my prose.
When I sing, I’m loud.
When I bang on the piano or play the guitar, I resound.
When I tell a story, I shout to the reader’s face.
Last night as I listened to my daughter’s choir concert, a memory flashed inside me—my voice coach tutoring me in high school. He’d put a hand on my shoulder, tell me to focus and to restrain my voice. My problem was a strong break between my chest and head tones—so strong I fancied myself only an alto, and would shy away from those breaking notes, G or A, depending on the day. He taught me that I could nullify the break in my voice if I quieted down.
I still sing loud, still break at G or A. Thickheaded me!
Then I remembered my piano teacher in college. (Don’t get any wild ideas. I’m no pianist. This was beginning piano.) I’d treat every series of notes as a crescendo, pounding the poor piano to death. My teacher, an aging Jewish man who spoke with reverence and beauty, told me to relax, to breathe. “Breathe, Mary. Slow down. Life’s not about getting to the end of the piece. Enjoy playing it. Don’t rush.” He saw into my character even then and spoke wisdom into me, but I resisted.
Surely life couldn’t be about subtlety. Mustn’t it always be shouted? Proclaimed? Told boldly? Painted with red and black and blue and yellow?
In the quiet of my home on the grayest of Texas days, I see the wisdom of both my music teachers. The world may listen to shouters, but we are changed by those who whisper, who sweetly coerce. The stories that cling to soul are those that unfold gently, like an elderly mother unfolds her daughter’s yellowed christening gown. Layer upon subtle layer is the stuff we are made of. To believe otherwise is to cheapen our worth.
Just for a moment, I’d love to hear my teachers’ voices cautioning me to slow down, to quiet my voice, to listen to the rhythm of life beating its hushed drum. I’d like to think I’d stop and listen—and actually heed this time.
In my latest novel, Daisy Chain (releasing this December through Zondervan), I pounded that plot to death, shouting, hollering, pointing. My editor, wise man that he is, restrained me, daring me to let the story hush its way to climax. He wrote, “Overall, the book needs more subtlety and development instead of up-front flatness.”
So I spent months working through the subterranean plot of my book, creating subtlety and nuance. I worked to make the threads flow seamlessly. I stopped banging the reader over the head with a scene. I let the story unfold.
Too abstract? Here’s an example:
First draft:
There, facing the bush, he smiled. Mama had stolen again—this time from old Mrs. Ree, known for her tangles of championship roses. Hap never saw the need for flowers, but Mama thrived on them, so she took to “borrowing” them from neighbors at night.
Second draft:
Facing the bush, Jed spied clean cuts where the neighbor’s roses had been given a haircut. Mama didn’t garden; she pruned flowers from other folks in the neighborhood, being particularly smitten with Ethrea Ree’s tangle of roses.
My editor’s comments about the second draft:
Even though I knew the answer, I thought, Now, why the heck does Mama do that? Which means: that’s exactly it. That’s what I think will give your readers only enough to make them keep reading, and you phrased it just perfectly. Excellent.
Instead of spelling out (shouting!) the why of Mama’s actions, I left it mysterious, inviting, and less insulting to my reader’s intelligence.
Author Lewis Carroll wrote this:
When you are describing,
A shape, or sound, or tint;
Don’t state the matter plainly,
But put in it a hint;
And learn to look at things,
With a sort of mental squint.
I’ve framed that quote in my writing office to remind me to rein in my outlandish words, to revel in subtlety, to do the harder work of weaving, rather than thrashing, a story.
Subtlety doesn’t meander its way through me, I know. But that doesn’t mean God can’t weave those threads through my outlandish soul. And it doesn’t mean I can’t learn how to create a subtler story. Both fixes (soul and words) require listening, reflecting, thinking, and taking a deep breath. At the end of the day, I know my soul and my stories will be better for it.
Gail says:
Mary’s explanation hopefully gives you food for thought. How can you take your work in progress and create subtleties that capture your readers interest by allowing the to wonder and to ask questions. Take one page of your work and see if you can change even one thing to add this element to your work. It’s the same ideas that I’ve said over and over about backstory. Too much ruins the story. This is the same. Too much information ruins the excitement of your novel and takes a way the curiosity factor for your reader.
If you’d like to read more from this blog site, here’s the link:
http://christianfictiononlinemagazine.com/brilliant_real.html
Monday, August 25, 2008
Word Placement for Powerful Sentences
How words are placed in sentences determines the power words, the word that is the focus of the sentence, but sometimes, it’s easy to allow the major point or focus of the sentence to get lost in structure. By putting it in the correct location, you can change the emotion and power of the sentence.
Margie Lawson, psychology counselor, is well know for her fiction editing and emotion workshops. I enjoyed one of her course a few years ago and especially what she taught in her class Empowering Characters Emotions. Though this technique, which Margie calls “backloading, not only enhances emotion but it places the focus word at the end of the sentence, a place of power. This last word in the sentence draws attention to it and enforces emphasis, making your writing more dynamic. The words are truly empowered.
Here are a few examples:
Original Sentence: Tears filled her eyes.
Powered Structure: Her eyes filled with tears.
In the original structure, the power word is eyes, but is this the focus? Ask yourself which word is most signification. Though a simple change, the emphasis of the sentence is tears.
Original Sentence: Her throat tightened with the words that formed in her mind.
Powered Structure: Words formed in her mind as her throat tightened.
The revision helps to focus on the emotion she feels, shown as her throat tightens.
Once again, read the first sentence as ask which is the power word in this sentence.
Original Sentence: With her spirit wavering, she shrugged off her attitude and enjoyed the scenery.Powered Structure: With her spirit wavering, she enjoyed the scenery and shrugged off her attitude.
I think it’s clear that her changing attitude is the focus here and one that is the empowering word of the sentence.
Read this sentence and before you check the re-write, ask yourself what’s most important in the sentence.
Original Sentence: From the past she recalled that Bonnie tended to go into a tizzy when she didn’t get what she wanted.
Powered Structure: From the past she recalled when Bonnie didn’t get what she wanted, she tended to go into a tizzy.
I think you’ll agree that Bonnie’s tizzy is most important. It’s the part of the sentence that draws more emotion and is the most important piece of information in this sentence.
This technique can make a difference in your writing, One caution: don’t use this method if it ruins the natural flow of your sentence or if it makes it awkward or sounds forced. You can’t structure every sentence with backloading or it can lose its effect, but chose the sentences that will enhance emotion and point readers to what’s important. It’s easy to do. Pull the strongest and most important word from within your sentence and put it at the end, the place of power.
Margie Lawson, psychology counselor, is well know for her fiction editing and emotion workshops. I enjoyed one of her course a few years ago and especially what she taught in her class Empowering Characters Emotions. Though this technique, which Margie calls “backloading, not only enhances emotion but it places the focus word at the end of the sentence, a place of power. This last word in the sentence draws attention to it and enforces emphasis, making your writing more dynamic. The words are truly empowered.
Here are a few examples:
Original Sentence: Tears filled her eyes.
Powered Structure: Her eyes filled with tears.
In the original structure, the power word is eyes, but is this the focus? Ask yourself which word is most signification. Though a simple change, the emphasis of the sentence is tears.
Original Sentence: Her throat tightened with the words that formed in her mind.
Powered Structure: Words formed in her mind as her throat tightened.
The revision helps to focus on the emotion she feels, shown as her throat tightens.
Once again, read the first sentence as ask which is the power word in this sentence.
Original Sentence: With her spirit wavering, she shrugged off her attitude and enjoyed the scenery.Powered Structure: With her spirit wavering, she enjoyed the scenery and shrugged off her attitude.
I think it’s clear that her changing attitude is the focus here and one that is the empowering word of the sentence.
Read this sentence and before you check the re-write, ask yourself what’s most important in the sentence.
Original Sentence: From the past she recalled that Bonnie tended to go into a tizzy when she didn’t get what she wanted.
Powered Structure: From the past she recalled when Bonnie didn’t get what she wanted, she tended to go into a tizzy.
I think you’ll agree that Bonnie’s tizzy is most important. It’s the part of the sentence that draws more emotion and is the most important piece of information in this sentence.
This technique can make a difference in your writing, One caution: don’t use this method if it ruins the natural flow of your sentence or if it makes it awkward or sounds forced. You can’t structure every sentence with backloading or it can lose its effect, but chose the sentences that will enhance emotion and point readers to what’s important. It’s easy to do. Pull the strongest and most important word from within your sentence and put it at the end, the place of power.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Poetic Language In Fiction
Sonnet, lyric, haiku, ode, ballad? What does poetry have to do with fiction? Nothing and everything, depending on the author. Poetic language and effective use of figures of speech can enhance a novelists writing style and help create the author’s unique voice. Beautiful language is like a lilting melody, and using poetic elements can create a musical flow of words.
Yet, a writer should be cautioned. Too much can destroy the effect and will be deleted by editors, so an author must pick and chose those moments in the novel that are special, when you want to paint a lasting image and/or create a vivid emotion.
What are figures of speech?
Poetry, besides rhyme and structure, is a combination of word pictures using similes, metaphors, personification, alliteration, assonance, onomatopoeia, and allegory.
A simile is a comparison of two unlike things using "like" or "as." His heart pounded like a jackhammer against his chest, and Then, the black dreams rose like demons. Notice the phrases beginning with like. Most everyone knows the chaos of a jackhammer so the comparison is vivid.
A metaphor is also a comparison without the clue words "like" or "as." Frozen with the frightful possibility, Jordan faltered, spitting the words into the dump-yard of his mind. Have you ever thought of your mind as a dump yard, and yet it is. It collects the good and bad of our lives, things we should trash but cling to. Notice how vividly these poetic images heighten the mental picture and emotional content.
Personification is another kind of comparison, giving inanimate objects human characteristics, for example: The moon danced on the water and the tree’s fingers grasped at the fleeting clouds. Obviously the moon doesn’t dance and the tree’s don’t have fingers, but as readers, we can picture the meanings as pictures in our minds. The wind whispered in her ear, and as Mary raced through the dark woods, the branches clutched at her clothing. By using wind whispered, and branches clutching, the reader benefits from the word pictures that clarify and give a fresher image to the reader.
Create A Unique Tone
Alliteration, assonance, and onomatopoeia reflect the various word sounds. Perhaps you’ve never thought about words in this way, but the alphabet sounds do create a kind of music.
Alliteration refers to the repetition of the initial sound of words. Notice this is "sound" and not the alphabet letter itself. Pay attention to the soft and hard sounds of the letters since the tone can also create mood: the lilting lullaby lulled the lad to sleep (notice the l’s) and muted melodies moved through her mind (notice the m’s). These tones feel soft in the mouth and on the ear, creating a more romantic, gentler quality. Listen to the harder, sharper tones of the s and q often used with suspense, anger, or humor: the sudden sharp snap startled her and his quick quip caused her to cackle. Notice it's the sound of the word and not necessarily the alphabetical letter.
Assonance is the repetitive tone of the vowels giving a melodic feeling to a line of dialogue or narration. The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain and hear the "o" sound in the rolling, tolling, golden bells.
Onomatopoeia is a word that resounds like the word it describes. His hand smacked against his leg, the iron bell clanged the hour and the snake hissed as it slithered past. Smacked, clanged and hissed are words that sound something like the noise it makes. This works well for the sound sense in fiction. Words like zoom, crack, thud, ting, tinkle, and similar words, create a kind of musical sound to the reader.
Combining Poetic Elements
Using my novel, Upon A Midnight Clear, as an example, you’ll see that sometimes elements such as simile, metaphor, and alliteration can appear in one sentence. What could she do to help this child, now bound in a cocoon, to blossom like a lovely butterfly? Notice alliteration in "b" words: bound, blossom, and butterfly. As well you’ll see a metaphor —bound in a cocoon—and a parallel simile referring to the cocoon’s release of a butterfly.
From the same novel, this scene depicts an extended metaphor as well as alliteration. Read this example: Notice the alliterative words are bold along with the angel metaphor.
Trance-like, he followed the prints that wove through the evergreens and around the elms. In an open area, he paused. On the ground, he stared at imprints of angels. Heads, wings, and bodies pressed into the pristine snow. But, sadly, all adult angels. No seraphim or cherubim. No Nattie.
He looked again at the fanned angel impressions at his feet. He pictured the young woman, flinging herself to the ground, flailing her arms and legs to amuse his silent child. Callie’s laughter rang in his mind. Angel? Yes, perhaps God had sent a human angel to watch over his daughter.
In these two paragraphs, we also see a motif---the element of angel. This rounds out a full picture of what Callie has come to mean to this man.
By using various poetic elements and weaving a meaningful, well-developed motif through fiction you can add continuity, charm, and beauty to a compelling story along with creating your distinctive writer’s voice. Readers will not forget the beauty of your words and the images you create. Remember, be selective when you use this technique. Overdone it losses the effect you hope to create.
My next blog will deal with motifs, themes, and symbols. I'm leaving on a week's vacation, so keep writing and enjoying the use of poetic devices.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Variety Adds Spice to Your Writing
The word lullaby is derived from "to lull’ and ‘good bye." Lullabies are sung to soothe a child to sleep with their calming rhythm and rhyme.
Rock-a-bye baby on the tree top.
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock.
Using the same sing-song sentences, you can create the same effect, lulling your readers to sleep, and that's not what you want to do as an author. You want to keep your reader focused on your story and cause them to be heavy-eyed with the repetitious sound.
Variety adds spice for good writers by creating interest and excitement. Unique words, phrases, and sentences are what identifies the writer’s voice. It makes your writing sound different from someone else's so using variety is a way to keep readers reading. How do you add variety to your writing? By varying sentence structure: length, complexity, types, word order, openings and by varying word choices.
Sentence length adds texture and emphasizes mood. A romantic piece of writing will use longer, liquid sentences than paragraphs written to create suspense.
With roughened hands, he brushed her long, silky hair from her face, gazing into her deep blues eyes as clear and inviting as the mountain stream he remembered from his childhood.
Notice the difference between the lengthier sentence and the following piece of dialogue.
John dashed through the doorway. "Did you see it?"
"See it? What? What are you talking about?"
The abrupt, short interrogative sentences add to the excitement and tension. But remember a good writer uses a mixture of short and long sentences to enrich his narration and dialogue.
One method of varying sentence length is by combining choppy short sentences into a compound or complex structure. The opposite is breaking up strings of compound sentences that become dull and unwieldy. One method of combining two short sentences is using a conjunction to coordinate thoughts. Take for example this sentence.
She hadn’t been to a cider mill in years. Her memory evoked the aroma of crushed apples and the sweet taste of crispy fried donuts. Change these two sentences to:
She hadn’t been to a cider mill in year, yet her memory evoked the aroma of crushed apples and the sweet taste of crispy fried donuts
Combining the two sentences with but, still or yet coordinates the idea and adds variety. Another method of combining two ideas is using a dependent clause.
Though she hadn’t been to a cider mill in years, her memory evoked the aroma of crushed apples and the sweet taste of crispy fried donuts.
A final strategy to combine two sentences is embedding.
The cider mill, which she hadn't been to in years, still evoked the aroma of crushed apples and the sweet taste of crispy friend donuts.
In this sentence, John provided excellent counsel. He convinced the jury, becomes, John, providing excellent counsel, convinced the jury.
Another way to generate variety in your writing is to use numerous sentence types, mixing declarative sentences (statements) with commands or requests, exclamations and rhetorical questions. Notice the variation of sentences in this piece of internal dialogue.
Elise closed her eyes. Laughter and tears jumbled her emotions. Stop your foolishness. (command) Hysteria, that’s what this is.(declarative) How could I think Kevin would do this to me? (rhetorical question)
Varying word order is a unique method of creating an unexpected element in sentence structure. This strategy works well as a means of emphasis. Consider the sentence, I love Paris, and then notice the change when altering the location of the direct object. Paris, I love.
The same effect is created by reversing other parts of the sentence. He was a handsome man. Especially noticeable was his stature. This last sentence begins with the complement and the verb follows and precedes the subject, stressing the word stature. Using a keyword at the end of the sentence is a way to emphasis and draw attention to it.
Sentences, beginning with the subject followed by the verb, can become dull and monotonous when they appear one after another. Use clauses, phrases, conjunctive adverbs (however, likewise), and appositives (a noun or noun phrase re-naming the noun or pronoun it follows) to strengthen emphasis, to clarify relationships, or to modify the subject in a more creative way.
Look at the following simple subject and compound verb sentence. She sat on the beach and watched the gulls fly over the water.
Now, notice the variety of ways this sentence can be changed to add interest.
While she sat on the beach, she watched the gulls fly over the water.
Sitting on the beach, she watched the gulls fly over the water.
As the gulls flew over the water, she sat on the beach and watched.
Above the water the gulls flew as she sat on the beach and watched.
Watching the gulls fly over the water, she sat on the beach.
Each of these sentences seem to emphasis a different element. Look at sentences in your writing and write the thought using different sentence structure. See if you prefer one over the other, or notice if one adds more emphasis to one of your points more than the other.
Editors and agents are turned off by sentences and paragraphs beginning with the same word. The rule of thumb is no more than two of the same words should begin paragraphs on a page or sentences in a paragraph. Knowing the vast number of options available to begin a sentence, you can solve the problem of unwarranted repetition. In a novel or short story, try employing creative sentence structure so you can begin paragraphs without overworking the use of character names or subsequent pronouns.
The repetition of words is effective when deliberately used to emphasize a thought or idea. Study your paragraphs and note if you have used the same word or phrase more than twice in close proximately.
Callie glanced at the address again. In the small city, she’d found the street easily. Keeping her gaze on the winding street, she glanced at the slip of paper and reread the address. The houses downtown stood side by side with black addresses on the houses. But now the houses were larger, standing back behind tall fences. She studied the wrought iron fences, hoping to catch the address there.
If so, use a thesaurus to find appropriate synonyms to vary your words. Notice the variation in words like: house, address, and fence.
Callie glanced at the address again. In the small city, she’d found the street easily. Keeping her gaze on the winding road, she glanced at the slip of paper and reread it. The houses downtown stood side by side with black numbers on the siding. But now the homes were larger, standing back behind tall fences. She studied the wrought iron barricades, hoping to catch the address there.
Notice the variety by using the word home in place of house, road instead of street, address became numbers, barricades replaces the reuse of fences.
Lullabies drone babies to sleep, but writers hope to waken the reader with their brilliant, witty, and exciting language. Don’t let repetitious, bland words or sentences bring an editor’s rejection to your door. Keep your writing sharp, clear, and stimulating by using variety.
Rock-a-bye baby on the tree top.
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock.
Using the same sing-song sentences, you can create the same effect, lulling your readers to sleep, and that's not what you want to do as an author. You want to keep your reader focused on your story and cause them to be heavy-eyed with the repetitious sound.
Variety adds spice for good writers by creating interest and excitement. Unique words, phrases, and sentences are what identifies the writer’s voice. It makes your writing sound different from someone else's so using variety is a way to keep readers reading. How do you add variety to your writing? By varying sentence structure: length, complexity, types, word order, openings and by varying word choices.
Sentence length adds texture and emphasizes mood. A romantic piece of writing will use longer, liquid sentences than paragraphs written to create suspense.
With roughened hands, he brushed her long, silky hair from her face, gazing into her deep blues eyes as clear and inviting as the mountain stream he remembered from his childhood.
Notice the difference between the lengthier sentence and the following piece of dialogue.
John dashed through the doorway. "Did you see it?"
"See it? What? What are you talking about?"
The abrupt, short interrogative sentences add to the excitement and tension. But remember a good writer uses a mixture of short and long sentences to enrich his narration and dialogue.
One method of varying sentence length is by combining choppy short sentences into a compound or complex structure. The opposite is breaking up strings of compound sentences that become dull and unwieldy. One method of combining two short sentences is using a conjunction to coordinate thoughts. Take for example this sentence.
She hadn’t been to a cider mill in years. Her memory evoked the aroma of crushed apples and the sweet taste of crispy fried donuts. Change these two sentences to:
She hadn’t been to a cider mill in year, yet her memory evoked the aroma of crushed apples and the sweet taste of crispy fried donuts
Combining the two sentences with but, still or yet coordinates the idea and adds variety. Another method of combining two ideas is using a dependent clause.
Though she hadn’t been to a cider mill in years, her memory evoked the aroma of crushed apples and the sweet taste of crispy fried donuts.
A final strategy to combine two sentences is embedding.
The cider mill, which she hadn't been to in years, still evoked the aroma of crushed apples and the sweet taste of crispy friend donuts.
In this sentence, John provided excellent counsel. He convinced the jury, becomes, John, providing excellent counsel, convinced the jury.
Another way to generate variety in your writing is to use numerous sentence types, mixing declarative sentences (statements) with commands or requests, exclamations and rhetorical questions. Notice the variation of sentences in this piece of internal dialogue.
Elise closed her eyes. Laughter and tears jumbled her emotions. Stop your foolishness. (command) Hysteria, that’s what this is.(declarative) How could I think Kevin would do this to me? (rhetorical question)
Varying word order is a unique method of creating an unexpected element in sentence structure. This strategy works well as a means of emphasis. Consider the sentence, I love Paris, and then notice the change when altering the location of the direct object. Paris, I love.
The same effect is created by reversing other parts of the sentence. He was a handsome man. Especially noticeable was his stature. This last sentence begins with the complement and the verb follows and precedes the subject, stressing the word stature. Using a keyword at the end of the sentence is a way to emphasis and draw attention to it.
Sentences, beginning with the subject followed by the verb, can become dull and monotonous when they appear one after another. Use clauses, phrases, conjunctive adverbs (however, likewise), and appositives (a noun or noun phrase re-naming the noun or pronoun it follows) to strengthen emphasis, to clarify relationships, or to modify the subject in a more creative way.
Look at the following simple subject and compound verb sentence. She sat on the beach and watched the gulls fly over the water.
Now, notice the variety of ways this sentence can be changed to add interest.
While she sat on the beach, she watched the gulls fly over the water.
Sitting on the beach, she watched the gulls fly over the water.
As the gulls flew over the water, she sat on the beach and watched.
Above the water the gulls flew as she sat on the beach and watched.
Watching the gulls fly over the water, she sat on the beach.
Each of these sentences seem to emphasis a different element. Look at sentences in your writing and write the thought using different sentence structure. See if you prefer one over the other, or notice if one adds more emphasis to one of your points more than the other.
Editors and agents are turned off by sentences and paragraphs beginning with the same word. The rule of thumb is no more than two of the same words should begin paragraphs on a page or sentences in a paragraph. Knowing the vast number of options available to begin a sentence, you can solve the problem of unwarranted repetition. In a novel or short story, try employing creative sentence structure so you can begin paragraphs without overworking the use of character names or subsequent pronouns.
The repetition of words is effective when deliberately used to emphasize a thought or idea. Study your paragraphs and note if you have used the same word or phrase more than twice in close proximately.
Callie glanced at the address again. In the small city, she’d found the street easily. Keeping her gaze on the winding street, she glanced at the slip of paper and reread the address. The houses downtown stood side by side with black addresses on the houses. But now the houses were larger, standing back behind tall fences. She studied the wrought iron fences, hoping to catch the address there.
If so, use a thesaurus to find appropriate synonyms to vary your words. Notice the variation in words like: house, address, and fence.
Callie glanced at the address again. In the small city, she’d found the street easily. Keeping her gaze on the winding road, she glanced at the slip of paper and reread it. The houses downtown stood side by side with black numbers on the siding. But now the homes were larger, standing back behind tall fences. She studied the wrought iron barricades, hoping to catch the address there.
Notice the variety by using the word home in place of house, road instead of street, address became numbers, barricades replaces the reuse of fences.
Lullabies drone babies to sleep, but writers hope to waken the reader with their brilliant, witty, and exciting language. Don’t let repetitious, bland words or sentences bring an editor’s rejection to your door. Keep your writing sharp, clear, and stimulating by using variety.
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