A simple method of improving your writing is learning how to use dialogue tags and presenting character’s thoughts. Though this may seem trivial, these techniques are important in helping you become an author who knows how to write. One way to approach this is to ask yourself how would a real person say this or do this.
The first example can be found in presenting introspection. To create the most intimate form of storytelling, pay attention to your own thoughts and see how they fall. When thinking, do you say “What is that child going to do now, I wonder?” or “He’s going to hurt himself, I thought.” Obviously the I wonder and I thought are for the reader information. The phrases have nothing to do with the character’s thoughts. When you add these phrases, it removes the intimate relationship between the reader and character. It’s as if the character is saying, “Okay dummy, I’m thinking this or I’m wondering this.” Readers are not dumb so we don’t need to tell them it’s a thought. Everything that comes from that character that’s not dialogue is really the character’s thought or viewpoint.
Why did I say that to her? She already knows how I feel yet I brought up the topic again. I’m digging a hole for myself. I’m putting up a barricade, and that’s not what I want to do.
As you read those lines, it’s obvious that the character is thinking. Authors have no need to tell the reader that’s what the character is thinking or that’s what he’s wondering. So begin today removing italics from the character’s thoughts and removing phrases like he wondered and he thought.
Next, dialogue tags also remove intimacy from the story, because, once again, their purpose is so the reader knows who’s speaking. The only two words that readers will skim over and not be jerked from the story are said and asked. When authors use queried, replied, questioned, screamed, remarked, yelled, teased, they are showing an editor they are not an experienced author. For one, the language that is used in the sentence needs to stand on it’s own. If the character is yelling, the words should let the reader know they are yelling or screaming. If the character is toying with another character, the words should let us know that they are teasing. This is weak writing when an author says: okay, this is funny or this is angry. Let the words speak for themselves. The other words I listed—replied, remarked, insisted—all jump out at an editor and readers, pulling them away from the story. No one wants to do that.
Even worse is using an adverb along with the said or asked. This is a sure sign of a new writer who doesn’t know how to create dialogue that speaks for itself. “Stop,” he said angrily. “You look as sweet as a kitten,” he said tenderly. “Look at me. I’m successful,” he said boisterously. The reader would be stupid not so know that “Look at me. I’m successful” is not boisterous. Let the words show the reader the emotion involved and don’t tell them. Remember “show and not tell” is a key message for all writers.
Finally if you are an experienced novelist with numerous books under your belt, try writing a novel without using dialogue tags or at least try cutting as many as you can. The tag distances the character from the reader so anything you can do to avoid them creates a more intimate novel. How can you do that? By including an action, description or emotion. Here’s an example:
Jane slipped off her sweater and tossed it on the chair. “I’m sorry I’m late.”
“So am I.” John’s skin prickled as he monitored his frustration. She knew how import this evening was to him.
“What did I miss?”
Perspiration beaded on his palms. What did I miss? Nothing but the best speech he’d ever given. “Do you have to ask?”
“John, I know you wanted me there, but--”
“But you couldn’t drag yourself away from cocktails with your coworkers.”
She shook her head, evading his eyes. “That’s not it at all.”
Then what was it? That’s what he wanted to know. His eyes shifted from her face to her dark red dress that clung to her curves. The deep V-neck revealed her creamy skin beneath. Ice dripped through his veins. The dress seemed inappropriate for work.
A chill rolled down his back as his mind slipped into a place he didn’t want to go. He studied her face. Guilt? Remorse? Fear? His stomach churned as reality struck him. Jane was having an affair.
Notice that I’ve avoided dialogue tags and the use of wondered or thought yet it’s clear who’s speaking. This is closer to real life conversation, and the more real you write the more real your characters are to your readers.
Give some of these techniques a try, and hopefully you will deepen characterization while making your storytelling more intimate and by doing that, you’ve captured another reader who’ll want to read every one of your novels.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
Intimate Storytelling - Part III Revealing Character
How a character moves, sits, responds, and thinks helps the readers know who he is. His actions as well as his introspection and emotions bring him to life and keep him from being a two-dimensional character. The whole idea of intimacy in storytelling has to do with bringing the reader into the story through the character—allowing the character to reveal all aspects of his nature. Skimping on introspection can result in a lack of both emotion and character depth. When readers hear the character’s thoughts, they more fully understand what he is going through. Readers can sense his emotional struggle, relate to the way he plops into a chair or paces the floor or smashes his fist against the wall or a couch pillow. It’s not a wasted action but one that defines the mental state of the character.
In Part II, I mentioned allowing elements of your story to deepen your characterization. I’ve written articles on using the weather or the landscape as a means to do this. Rocky cliffs can reflect the rocky life of the character. A sunny day or a garden of blossoming flowers can reflect the character’s happy or positive mood. Rain on a window or ruts in the road can symbolize a character’s sadness or struggle. A room filled with bric-a-brac and dollies reveals an old fashioned character or someone who is sentimental. A sleek modern setting might reveal someone who is business first, a person in control and unwilling to show his emotions, or afraid someone will get to know the real him. Use it as you will, but allow it to assist the reader in knowing the inner workings of your character more fully.
Use a person’s attire to reflect character. A tomboy girl might wear jeans, a man’s flannel shirt and a baseball cap backward. A woman flaunting her sexuality might wear a low cut neckline and fabric that clings to her curves. A man trying to fit into the business world but not quite making it might wear a suit, white shirt, tie and white socks. A sure giveaway. A woman who wants to avoid being found attractive could wear loose fitting clothing with high necklines. Hair styles, grooming and attire are all means to allow the reader to know the real characteristics of the main characters in your novel.
Avoid using your voice as the characters’ voices. Character should be distinctive so that the reader can tell them apart. One person speaks with a more flowery vocabulary, another talks in short, blunt sentences, and another might use bad grammar and a lot of slang. When using slang or favorite phrases, make sure you’re not using your own favorite words. Create new ones for your characters. Find new ways to describe what they see through their experiences, occupation and lifestyle.
Still no matter how a character dresses, moves, or talks, readers will learn most through their emotional reactions and thoughts.
Part IV will cover sentence and thoughts tags--an important part of keeping your writing intimate with the character.
In Part II, I mentioned allowing elements of your story to deepen your characterization. I’ve written articles on using the weather or the landscape as a means to do this. Rocky cliffs can reflect the rocky life of the character. A sunny day or a garden of blossoming flowers can reflect the character’s happy or positive mood. Rain on a window or ruts in the road can symbolize a character’s sadness or struggle. A room filled with bric-a-brac and dollies reveals an old fashioned character or someone who is sentimental. A sleek modern setting might reveal someone who is business first, a person in control and unwilling to show his emotions, or afraid someone will get to know the real him. Use it as you will, but allow it to assist the reader in knowing the inner workings of your character more fully.
Use a person’s attire to reflect character. A tomboy girl might wear jeans, a man’s flannel shirt and a baseball cap backward. A woman flaunting her sexuality might wear a low cut neckline and fabric that clings to her curves. A man trying to fit into the business world but not quite making it might wear a suit, white shirt, tie and white socks. A sure giveaway. A woman who wants to avoid being found attractive could wear loose fitting clothing with high necklines. Hair styles, grooming and attire are all means to allow the reader to know the real characteristics of the main characters in your novel.
Avoid using your voice as the characters’ voices. Character should be distinctive so that the reader can tell them apart. One person speaks with a more flowery vocabulary, another talks in short, blunt sentences, and another might use bad grammar and a lot of slang. When using slang or favorite phrases, make sure you’re not using your own favorite words. Create new ones for your characters. Find new ways to describe what they see through their experiences, occupation and lifestyle.
Still no matter how a character dresses, moves, or talks, readers will learn most through their emotional reactions and thoughts.
Part IV will cover sentence and thoughts tags--an important part of keeping your writing intimate with the character.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Intimate Storytelling - Part II Character’s Feelings
Part I on Intimate Storytelling covered some of the elements of staying in a POV character’s viewpoint, but intimate storytelling needs more than a character’s viewpoint. The reader needs to feel the story through the character’s impressions and experience. This is done by bringing the senses to life.
The familiar “showing not telling” comes into play here. Let’s say a scene opens on a hot day. The POV character could say or think he was hot, or he could compare it mentally to the blast of the smelting ovens in the factory where he works. That ties the character to his employment which helps the reader know a little more about him.
But better yet, help the reader feel the heat through his perspective and experience. His palms slipped against his leather car seat leaving a moist imprint. He touched the steering wheel and drew back his hand. “?**#&8!” (You include the expletives that fit his personality.) In these two sentences readers don’t have to be told about the heat, they can experience it through the character’s senses—sight, sound and touch—because they have experienced the same thing in their lives.
Use on the impressions and senses that impact your story. You might show the heat of a day for the reader’s sense of place, but don’t over do it. You could use the first sentence in the example above alone and you would make your point. Keep descriptions concise when you are using them only to help the reader envision where they are. If you are going to use the setting to enhance the mood or define the character, then the description can be expanded. More about that later.
Too many senses used in one spot can also kill their effect. Chose which sense element is most dramatic or dynamic to your purpose. The overuse of senses can bring the story to a halt rather than add to its quality. If you read your work aloud, or use a text to voice program, many of these problems will jump out at you, and you can correct them. It’s always wise to hear as well as read your drafts. This is using your senses.
The familiar “showing not telling” comes into play here. Let’s say a scene opens on a hot day. The POV character could say or think he was hot, or he could compare it mentally to the blast of the smelting ovens in the factory where he works. That ties the character to his employment which helps the reader know a little more about him.
But better yet, help the reader feel the heat through his perspective and experience. His palms slipped against his leather car seat leaving a moist imprint. He touched the steering wheel and drew back his hand. “?**#&8!” (You include the expletives that fit his personality.) In these two sentences readers don’t have to be told about the heat, they can experience it through the character’s senses—sight, sound and touch—because they have experienced the same thing in their lives.
Use on the impressions and senses that impact your story. You might show the heat of a day for the reader’s sense of place, but don’t over do it. You could use the first sentence in the example above alone and you would make your point. Keep descriptions concise when you are using them only to help the reader envision where they are. If you are going to use the setting to enhance the mood or define the character, then the description can be expanded. More about that later.
Too many senses used in one spot can also kill their effect. Chose which sense element is most dramatic or dynamic to your purpose. The overuse of senses can bring the story to a halt rather than add to its quality. If you read your work aloud, or use a text to voice program, many of these problems will jump out at you, and you can correct them. It’s always wise to hear as well as read your drafts. This is using your senses.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Intimate Storytelling - Part I Character Viewpoint
One thing that first person offers that third doesn’t is an intimacy between the POV character and the reader. In first person, reader can get inside the skin of the main character who is the narrator and and storyteller, but third person can provide a close familiarity between the POV character and the reader by writing in deep POV which also means avoiding author intrusion.
When writers think of author intrusion, most notice it when it is blatant.
The fog lowered over the bay and people in their houses looked out with a sense of loneliness. Some felt fear.
Though the writing is fine, ask yourself who is saying this? How could I look out a window and know that other people were looking at the fog on the bay? How would I know they felt loneliness? Fear? This is author intrusion. It is the old style of writing that we still see in literary fiction, but if you want to sell your novels that reach a wide audience, intimate storytelling is the best way to go.
The first step to create the intimacy is to stay in the POV character throughout the scene. This means that the story is told totally through that character’s eyes and senses. He cannot see what is going on in the next room or behind the door. Comments or information that jerk the reader from the story can happen when the author describes what’s happening in the next room or makes a statement such as: If Brad knew what was behind the closed door, he would run. Or Brad thought he was safe, but later in the day, he would learn the truth. Notice how both of these comments are not coming from Brad but from a God-like narrator who knows all and sees all. This type of writing does not work in popular fiction.
Storytelling intimacy comes by making the POV character real. His reactions fit him so his emotions will follow his personality and character. He may not respond as you would to a situation so make his emotional response true to his nature. Is he a quiet man. He will probably keep his emotions in check. If you’re in his head, he still won’t allow himself to react strongly and what he experiences maybe more a struggle to keep his emotions in check.
Author instruction is also seen when the author allows the character to know something that he couldn’t know yet or never will know. For example, what do you know that’s happening in your home right now? All you know for sure is what your senses tell you. You can only see within the room you are seated. You can’t see behind you unless you guess that no one is there or you might hear no sound which is another of your senses. You might assume your spouse or roommate is preparing a meal if the scent of food drifts into the room. Assumption or a guess is all you can share with the reader unless you can see, feel, taste, touch or smell–and even then what food is being prepared and who is preparing it is only a speculation.
Staying inside the character also requires the author to see the world through that character’s perspective. People perceive using past experience and knowledge. When you create your POV character, you will be wise to know everything about that character’s past—their family, siblings, beliefs, values, discipline style, religious upbringing—anything that will cause the character to look at the world differently than another character. What experiences has this character had? How might that impact his reaction? Would the person’s employment affect his word choice? All of these things must be considered to stay within the character and not slip into your own language style, word choice or values. Each character must stem from his root—his background.
How the character describes the setting, how he views the room, how he views others, all reflects his past. Keep this in mind as you create characters for intimate storytelling.
Forcing story dialogue so you can present backstory or historical information is another way to jerk the reader from the story. If this information needs to be shared with the reader, do it in a natural way. Find a reason that this information might wend its way into the dialogue. Often dialogue sounds silted when the author forces two people to discuss a topic that doesn’t seem to be needed other than provide background information. If two people know each other well, why would the POV character retell the person things the other character would already know. . .unless it is to reveal a secret? These things slip easily into fiction when the author isn’t careful. Even using introspection to provide information about the history of a location can come across as convoluted unless a legitimate reason for the character’s thoughts can be devised.
When writers think of author intrusion, most notice it when it is blatant.
The fog lowered over the bay and people in their houses looked out with a sense of loneliness. Some felt fear.
Though the writing is fine, ask yourself who is saying this? How could I look out a window and know that other people were looking at the fog on the bay? How would I know they felt loneliness? Fear? This is author intrusion. It is the old style of writing that we still see in literary fiction, but if you want to sell your novels that reach a wide audience, intimate storytelling is the best way to go.
The first step to create the intimacy is to stay in the POV character throughout the scene. This means that the story is told totally through that character’s eyes and senses. He cannot see what is going on in the next room or behind the door. Comments or information that jerk the reader from the story can happen when the author describes what’s happening in the next room or makes a statement such as: If Brad knew what was behind the closed door, he would run. Or Brad thought he was safe, but later in the day, he would learn the truth. Notice how both of these comments are not coming from Brad but from a God-like narrator who knows all and sees all. This type of writing does not work in popular fiction.
Storytelling intimacy comes by making the POV character real. His reactions fit him so his emotions will follow his personality and character. He may not respond as you would to a situation so make his emotional response true to his nature. Is he a quiet man. He will probably keep his emotions in check. If you’re in his head, he still won’t allow himself to react strongly and what he experiences maybe more a struggle to keep his emotions in check.
Author instruction is also seen when the author allows the character to know something that he couldn’t know yet or never will know. For example, what do you know that’s happening in your home right now? All you know for sure is what your senses tell you. You can only see within the room you are seated. You can’t see behind you unless you guess that no one is there or you might hear no sound which is another of your senses. You might assume your spouse or roommate is preparing a meal if the scent of food drifts into the room. Assumption or a guess is all you can share with the reader unless you can see, feel, taste, touch or smell–and even then what food is being prepared and who is preparing it is only a speculation.
Staying inside the character also requires the author to see the world through that character’s perspective. People perceive using past experience and knowledge. When you create your POV character, you will be wise to know everything about that character’s past—their family, siblings, beliefs, values, discipline style, religious upbringing—anything that will cause the character to look at the world differently than another character. What experiences has this character had? How might that impact his reaction? Would the person’s employment affect his word choice? All of these things must be considered to stay within the character and not slip into your own language style, word choice or values. Each character must stem from his root—his background.
How the character describes the setting, how he views the room, how he views others, all reflects his past. Keep this in mind as you create characters for intimate storytelling.
Forcing story dialogue so you can present backstory or historical information is another way to jerk the reader from the story. If this information needs to be shared with the reader, do it in a natural way. Find a reason that this information might wend its way into the dialogue. Often dialogue sounds silted when the author forces two people to discuss a topic that doesn’t seem to be needed other than provide background information. If two people know each other well, why would the POV character retell the person things the other character would already know. . .unless it is to reveal a secret? These things slip easily into fiction when the author isn’t careful. Even using introspection to provide information about the history of a location can come across as convoluted unless a legitimate reason for the character’s thoughts can be devised.
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