Dissecting Your Novel - Part 1 covered three aspects of editing your own work with a fresh look to tighten and brighten your novels. The elements I covered were: Motivation-reaction unit, cause/effect arrangement of sentences, and the plight of using adverbs.
This post will continue with the last three elements:
• Placing the most important/emphatic in a sentence. Margie Lawson, Lawson Writer’s Academy http://www.margielawson.com/ and Strunk &White, The Elements of Style
• Use beats instead of tags. Browne and King, Self-editing For Fiction Writers
• Revise with scissors - Strunk & White, The Elements of Style
Ending With The Emphatic: Backloading
Margie Lawson presents workshops teaching a variety of courses to help author’s improve their writing. One of her presentations covers ending sentences with the most significant word called backloading. The most important or emphatic idea in each sentence should be given a place of prominence is also stressed in The Elements of Style, as noted above. As in any talk, speakers know that the last words they say are the ones remembered. Patrick Henry’s “Give me liberty or give me death” is a prime example and J.F. Kennedy left us with his final remembered thought: “Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.”
In the same way, authors can read their narrative and dialogue with a discerning eye and structure sentences so that the prominent word ends the sentence. The important word receives the power.
Strunk and White’s example is:
Weak: This steel is principally used for making razors, because of its hardness.
Strong: Because of its hardness, this steel is principally used for making razors.
Weak: I get nauseous every time I look at him.
Strong: Every time I look at him I get nauseous.
Weak: With her spirit wavering, she shrugged off her attitude and enjoyed the scenery.
Strong: With her spirit wavering, she enjoyed the scenery and shrugged off her attitude.
Weak: Tears filled her eyes.
Strong: Her eyes filled with tears.
I hope these examples provide you with a better understanding of backloading sentences.
Beats Instead Of Tags
In Self-Editing For Fiction Writers, Shrunk and White present a chapter called “Easy Beats.” The chapter extols the use of beats (referring to character’s action or introspection) rather than using the typical dialogue attributes (tags), such as said and asked. The benefit of cutting the tags when you are able are many. Cutting tags allows tension to be more prominent.
For example: “Stop it,” she said, “you’re hurting me.”
Drop the she said. “Stop it. You’re hurting me.”
Notice the flow of the line helps to dramatize the tension. As long as the speaker is clear, you can present dialogue without any tags or beats. Yet a few beats add reality to the scene and illuminate a character. They also provide breathing space, giving the reader a break from the constant rifle shot of dialogue. Finally beats rather than dialogue tags create deeper POV when you remove the artificial words of said and asked. Please don’t use anything besides said and asked, except whispered if it’s needed. Anything else screams poor weak writing.
Revise With Scissors
In The Elements of Style, once again Strunk and White suggest an interesting way of revising your work. When you find serious flaws in the arrangement of your material, such as paragraphs that aren’t cohesive and information presented in an unlogical order, they recommend using scissors and cutting your dialogue or narrative into individual strips and then move them into a different arrangement patterns hoping to improve the paragraph(s). With computers, scissors are no longer needed, but they are still a possibility. Now you can copy and paste the problem paragraph or paragraphs to a new page and organize them into a list of sentences. This gives you the ability to reorganize your dialogue or narrative into a different arrangement with the hope of presenting the information in a more realistic and useful manner. Doing this you may find ways to combine sentences, cut phases or lines that are redundant, and place the information in a logical order. If after reorganizing you change your mind, you still have the original paragraphs in your original document.
These ideas will not save a bad novel, but they can improve a good one that just needs a little tuneup.
Showing posts with label Dialogue tags. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dialogue tags. Show all posts
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Cutting Dialogue Tags
Dialogue tags— the said and asked we use to connect the speakers name to the dialogue—keeps our writing from using deep POV. Deep POV is the pure viewpoint of the character in a scene whether in first or third person. Authors know that first person is more personal and provides the deepest form of POV possible. But authors have also learned that they can add more depth to POV by avoiding phrases such as I believe and I think and even more by discontinuing to use dialogue tags.
In my last three novels, I have cut all dialogue tags. You will find no characters using said or asked (or any other tag — and those should be tossed into the trash anyway). By cutting dialogue tags, I was forced to use action beats, emotion, introspection, and description to help the reader identify the speaker.
When dialogue is between two people, lines can be spoken without any tags or action beats two or three times before something is needed to remind the reader who’s talking. The easiest way to explain it is to provide an example. This is from my March, 2011 release, A Dad Of His Own. Story background: Ethan represents Dreams Come True Foundation that provides dreams and wishes for sick children. Lexie is the POV character and is the mother of a young boy with leukemia. Here’s the dialogue sample:
Ethan rested his hand on the back of a chair. “No men in this group, I see. Why is that?”
“The M in MOSK stands for mothers. Mothers of Special Kids. ” Still, he’d made a point. She studied his face, wondering why support for men interested him. “A number of us are single mothers, and the married women haven’t asked about men in the group.” But the question did arouse her curiosity. “You’re a man. Do you think--”
“Glad you noticed.” A twinkle lit his eyes.
His look tripped her pulse, and she worked to regained her composure. “As I was saying, do men really want to talk about their feelings?” She eyed him. “I thought men preferred to take action. We have so little we can do to make things better. It’s the emotional ups and downs that cause us problems.”
His smile had faded. “True for many men, I suppose.” He motioned toward the front of the room. “So, what did you think?”
“About Dreams Come True?”
The corners of his mouth edged upward.
“The idea is wonderful, but. . .” Why had she added but? From his expression, she’d put a damper on his excitement about offering trips and fulfilling kids’ hopes. “My son isn’t well enough. He’s being home schooled right now. Clawson district has been great with his schoolwork, but it’s not the same. A child wants to attend school.”
Understanding filled his face. “They miss the friendships and being part of it all. It makes learning more fun.”
“I think it does, too.” His compassion touched her. “It’s not that your foundation isn’t a lovely idea. It is. Whoever started this certainly has a generous heart.”
His eyes searched hers.
Perspiration dampened her palms, and she ran her free hand down her pant leg while her other clung to her shoulder bag strap.
A faint frown darkened his face. “But it won’t work for some kids. That’s what you’re saying.”
She closed her eyes and opened them again releasing a ragged breath. “Yes. Some aren’t well enough to enjoy trips or days at an amusement park.”
“But one day maybe. Illnesses go into remission. Sometimes they nearly vanish. Isn’t that true?”
“True.” Curiosity spiked Lexie’s thoughts. “Have you had a child with--?”
“I don’t have any children.” His shoulders lifted. “I’m not married, and I’ve only read up on children’s illnesses and read about remissions that cause physicians to marvel. I realize that’s nothing like living it.”
Not married. Single as she was. She studied his face, wanting to know more about him. “It’s thoughtful that you’ve taken the time to understand what our kids go through.”
His expression softened. “But it’s not just the children. It’s families. So many without hope.”
He’d hit truth on the head. She’d tried to keep hope foremost in her mind.
As you read this scene, you can follow the dialogue without using tags, and instead, action, emotion and introspection is used to identify the speaker, to heighten the tension and to help readers draw closer to the POV character, Lexie. Try using this technique for some of the scenes in your novel. Cut tags as much as you can. And remember, do not use anything other than said or asked. Let your writing provide the power and dynamics of the words. Be a strong writer, not a weak one. Since I’ve stopped using tags, they jump out at me when I read other’s novels.
In my last three novels, I have cut all dialogue tags. You will find no characters using said or asked (or any other tag — and those should be tossed into the trash anyway). By cutting dialogue tags, I was forced to use action beats, emotion, introspection, and description to help the reader identify the speaker.
When dialogue is between two people, lines can be spoken without any tags or action beats two or three times before something is needed to remind the reader who’s talking. The easiest way to explain it is to provide an example. This is from my March, 2011 release, A Dad Of His Own. Story background: Ethan represents Dreams Come True Foundation that provides dreams and wishes for sick children. Lexie is the POV character and is the mother of a young boy with leukemia. Here’s the dialogue sample:
Ethan rested his hand on the back of a chair. “No men in this group, I see. Why is that?”
“The M in MOSK stands for mothers. Mothers of Special Kids. ” Still, he’d made a point. She studied his face, wondering why support for men interested him. “A number of us are single mothers, and the married women haven’t asked about men in the group.” But the question did arouse her curiosity. “You’re a man. Do you think--”
“Glad you noticed.” A twinkle lit his eyes.
His look tripped her pulse, and she worked to regained her composure. “As I was saying, do men really want to talk about their feelings?” She eyed him. “I thought men preferred to take action. We have so little we can do to make things better. It’s the emotional ups and downs that cause us problems.”
His smile had faded. “True for many men, I suppose.” He motioned toward the front of the room. “So, what did you think?”
“About Dreams Come True?”
The corners of his mouth edged upward.
“The idea is wonderful, but. . .” Why had she added but? From his expression, she’d put a damper on his excitement about offering trips and fulfilling kids’ hopes. “My son isn’t well enough. He’s being home schooled right now. Clawson district has been great with his schoolwork, but it’s not the same. A child wants to attend school.”
Understanding filled his face. “They miss the friendships and being part of it all. It makes learning more fun.”
“I think it does, too.” His compassion touched her. “It’s not that your foundation isn’t a lovely idea. It is. Whoever started this certainly has a generous heart.”
His eyes searched hers.
Perspiration dampened her palms, and she ran her free hand down her pant leg while her other clung to her shoulder bag strap.
A faint frown darkened his face. “But it won’t work for some kids. That’s what you’re saying.”
She closed her eyes and opened them again releasing a ragged breath. “Yes. Some aren’t well enough to enjoy trips or days at an amusement park.”
“But one day maybe. Illnesses go into remission. Sometimes they nearly vanish. Isn’t that true?”
“True.” Curiosity spiked Lexie’s thoughts. “Have you had a child with--?”
“I don’t have any children.” His shoulders lifted. “I’m not married, and I’ve only read up on children’s illnesses and read about remissions that cause physicians to marvel. I realize that’s nothing like living it.”
Not married. Single as she was. She studied his face, wanting to know more about him. “It’s thoughtful that you’ve taken the time to understand what our kids go through.”
His expression softened. “But it’s not just the children. It’s families. So many without hope.”
He’d hit truth on the head. She’d tried to keep hope foremost in her mind.
As you read this scene, you can follow the dialogue without using tags, and instead, action, emotion and introspection is used to identify the speaker, to heighten the tension and to help readers draw closer to the POV character, Lexie. Try using this technique for some of the scenes in your novel. Cut tags as much as you can. And remember, do not use anything other than said or asked. Let your writing provide the power and dynamics of the words. Be a strong writer, not a weak one. Since I’ve stopped using tags, they jump out at me when I read other’s novels.
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