Dialogue and The Telephone

Two questions came to the comments on my recent blog covering the topic of dialogue. I thought the questions were meaningful for other writers and will repeat them so others can benefit. The questions involved dialogue during telephone conversations.

A reader asked these questions:
I've been told when writing telephone conversations not to include the other end of the conversation since it looks awkward. Maybe you disagree. But that being so, how does one break up the main character's words to allow space for the other person's unheard reply? The author of web-site http://creative-writing-course.thecraftywriter.com suggests breaking up the conversation using ellipses, when the other person speaks. What do you think?

Another reader asked this question on the same topic:
I often wonder the same thing. I even wonder how to keep the conversation going sometimes.

My response to the last question first:
Since telephone conversations are basically passive scenes, they are used to impart new information that is needed for the story line or to create conflict. Chitchat is not part of the conversation. Begin the conversation at the meat of the discussion. For example, if the phone rings and the main character answers, use a transaction, such as: His mind wandered until she ask him the question. “Is our marriage over?” Once the information or conflict set-up ends, don't drag on the call just end it with a line such as: When the conversation ended, he caved into a chair trying to decide what to do.

Now to the two earlier questions:
If the conversation is with a main character who has a POV, I use both parts of the conversation. This example is from my suspense novel, Finding Christmas. Benjamin is a friend of Joanne and her deceased husband. Joanne’s child died in the same accident with her husband and the body was never found. At the third anniversary of their deaths, she has a premonition that her three-year old daughter is still alive. Example:

The telephone’s ring pierced the silence, and Joanne’s heart rose to her throat. She darted across the room and grasped the receiver, and when she said hello, her voice sounded breathless and strained to her.

“Joanne?”

Her pulse skipped, hearing her name. Like echoes across a canyon, the familiar voice reverberated through the line. “Benjamin?”

“It’s me. What in the world is wrong?”

She crumpled into a chair, clutched her chest to calm the thudding that felt as if it would break her ribs. “It’s a long story. I can’t talk about it now.” Tears filled her eyes-—tears of relief and anxiety.

“It’s okay,” he said, his voice as reassuring as a morning cup of coffee.

“Where are you?” She tried to get her thoughts together.

“Here in Detroit. I’m back.”

Gail says:
In this case the conversation works with both parties. It’s clear who is speaking since each new paragraph is the next speaker, and the POV character, Joanne shares her actions and introspection with the reader. The other voice—in this case Benejamin—would not.

If the call is incidental but important to the main character, I usually use a one-sided conversation, and let the reader in on what's being said through the main characters' thoughts and actions. In this example, Benjamin answer’s Joanne’s phone for her, and his dialogue helps explain who is on the phone. The importance of this scene is Joanne has been getting strange telephone calls.

“Want me to get it?” Benjamin asked, glancing at the phone but seeming to be more interested in her burn.

“Please.” She studied her throbbing red skin as the cool water washed over it and listened to Benjamin’s voice on the telephone.

“It’s a woman from your office,” he said, holding the receiver toward her. “Do you want to call her back?”

“No. I’ll take it.” She grasped the phone, guessing what the caller wanted. “I’ll remember, Nita. Thanks for calling.” As she listened to her coworker, Joanne glanced Benjamin’s way and felt an embarrassed grin grow on her face. “No, you didn’t interrupt anything. An old friend is visiting. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Gail says:
Though you don't hear Nita's words, you understand the purpose of her call and you catch the innuendo of the conversation by Joanne's embarrassment.

This example shows a one sided call:
Joanne pressed the telephone to her ear and listened through the background sound to silence on the other end of the wire.

“Hello,” she said again.

Nothing. She lowered her gaze to the caller ID. Blocked. She hated crank calls, especially now that she’d become so edgy.

“Can I help you?” Her irritation rasped in her voice. She listened a second more until a faint sound like a moan wavered across the wire, sending a chill prickling down her spine. She closed her eyes, then dropped the phone onto the cradle and sank into the kitchen chair.

Two-sided - one character identified
This telephone scene is two-sided although the person calling Joanne is unidentified, but how the person speaks is significant to the story so I used both sides of the conversation.

As she wielded the knife, making the final slice, the telephone rang, and when she jumped, the knife slipped against her index finger, slashing the skin. The sting startled her, and she jerked her hand away from the cutting board. Blood oozed from the wound, and she held her hand over the sink while she grabbed paper towel.

After wrapping her finger, she picked up the receiver and said hello. The familiar silence ran through the wire. Bitterness, yet victory filled her as she eyed the blood seeping through the toweling. She needed this third call for the police.

“Hello,” she said again. It was the same pattern. She talked. The caller didn’t.

“I-I shouldn’t have called,” a woman whispered.

Joanne’s legs jerked with tremors. “Who are you?” Her mind spun.

The woman didn’t answer, and Joanne waited for the hangup. She heard an intake of breath and then a whisper.

“Was your daughter’s body found after the accident?”

Her daughter’s body. Joanne heard a moan, but this time it came from her. She grasped the wall for support. “No,” she whispered. “Please leave me alone.” She slammed down the phone without waiting for a response, then gasped, realizing she’d made a profound mistake. She snatched the receiver from the cradle only to hear a dial tone.

This scene introduces an important character to Joanne’s search for her daughter and builds emotion for the readers.

I hope these examples gives you some ideas on handling telephone conversations in your fiction. I have never heard of using ellipses to depict the other person’s conversation, and I believe it would be distracting to the reader. It would be to me. It also shows weak writing since it takes more skill to bring the conversation to life without hearing the other voice. I would suggest you avoid such a technique. I assume the author of the website on creative writing is not a novelist.