Monday, August 25, 2008

Word Placement for Powerful Sentences

How words are placed in sentences determines the power words, the word that is the focus of the sentence, but sometimes, it’s easy to allow the major point or focus of the sentence to get lost in structure. By putting it in the correct location, you can change the emotion and power of the sentence.

Margie Lawson, psychology counselor, is well know for her fiction editing and emotion workshops. I enjoyed one of her course a few years ago and especially what she taught in her class Empowering Characters Emotions. Though this technique, which Margie calls “backloading, not only enhances emotion but it places the focus word at the end of the sentence, a place of power. This last word in the sentence draws attention to it and enforces emphasis, making your writing more dynamic. The words are truly empowered.

Here are a few examples:

Original Sentence: Tears filled her eyes.
Powered Structure: Her eyes filled with tears.

In the original structure, the power word is eyes, but is this the focus? Ask yourself which word is most signification. Though a simple change, the emphasis of the sentence is tears.

Original Sentence: Her throat tightened with the words that formed in her mind.
Powered Structure: Words formed in her mind as her throat tightened.
The revision helps to focus on the emotion she feels, shown as her throat tightens.

Once again, read the first sentence as ask which is the power word in this sentence.

Original Sentence: With her spirit wavering, she shrugged off her attitude and enjoyed the scenery.Powered Structure: With her spirit wavering, she enjoyed the scenery and shrugged off her attitude.
I think it’s clear that her changing attitude is the focus here and one that is the empowering word of the sentence.
Read this sentence and before you check the re-write, ask yourself what’s most important in the sentence.

Original Sentence: From the past she recalled that Bonnie tended to go into a tizzy when she didn’t get what she wanted.
Powered Structure: From the past she recalled when Bonnie didn’t get what she wanted, she tended to go into a tizzy.
I think you’ll agree that Bonnie’s tizzy is most important. It’s the part of the sentence that draws more emotion and is the most important piece of information in this sentence.

This technique can make a difference in your writing, One caution: don’t use this method if it ruins the natural flow of your sentence or if it makes it awkward or sounds forced. You can’t structure every sentence with backloading or it can lose its effect, but chose the sentences that will enhance emotion and point readers to what’s important. It’s easy to do. Pull the strongest and most important word from within your sentence and put it at the end, the place of power.


Camille Cannon (Eide) said...

Thank you Gail. I just got Margie Lawson's ECE course and am diving into. Very important stuff when you're writing a romantic drama, I think.

Thanks again for your blog and your excellent advice.


Kristina said...

Thank you, Gail! What a great tip. I do read every post and they’re all helpful. :)


Gail Gaymer Martin said...

Thanks, Camille and Kristina. I'm pleased that you found this blog helpful. Keep checking. I have a new topic ready to add.


the poiple-est said...

Thank you Gail, I'm a young writer who really would like become successful in the world of literature.

Gail Gaymer Martin said...

Hi Poiple-est. I'm glad you're finding the blog helpful. It makes all the work doing it worthwhile.


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