Creating: More on Subtexting in Dialogue – Part II

Here is another subtexting blog from author Randy Ingermanson. Since this is an important part of writing dialogue and creating character, I’ve received permission from Randy to use his entry for your benefit. It is long, but it is worth your study to see the subtlties of subtexting. We use this in our lives everyday, but putting into fiction is not as natural. I hope this blog provides you with some new insights into using subtext in your fiction.

Here’s Randy:
Last month in this column, I talked about "subtexting"in dialogue and gave an example from book #4 in the Harry Potter series. It was a popular column and I'm going to continue that topic here.

Broadly speaking, "subtexting" refers to that part of dialogue which is left unsaid. You can write a dialogue that is completely "on the nose" in which the characters say exactly what they are thinking. But in real life, people often leave a lot unsaid, either because they can't say it, won't say it, don't know how to say it, or don't think it's necessary to say it.

For your further reading on subtexting, check out the book GETTING INTO CHARACTER by Brandilyn Collins.

This month, we'll look at an example of subtexting in THE MATARESE CIRCLE, by Robert Ludlum who is best known for his Jason Bourne trilogy, but I like THE MATARESE CIRCLE better.

A little background on the book: THE MATARESE CIRCLE is a conspiracy novel, written in the late 70s at the height of the Cold War. At that time, spy novels pitting a "good guy" CIA agent against a "bad guy" KGB agent were common. (In some cases, the CIA guy was "bad" and the KGB guy was "good.") But generally, both the "good guy" and the "bad guy" were Xtremely
competent -- they were matched opponents in a battle to the death.

THE MATARESE CIRCLE flipped those conventions around by forcing an ultra-competent CIA man to work with his sworn enemy, an equally talented KGB officer. The two men had a shared backstory: The KGB man had once killed the wife of the CIA man, who retaliated by killing the
brother of the KGB guy. But now, a worldwide conspiracy is set to take over both the US and Russia, and both of our uber-agents are marked for death by the conspirators. Only by working together can the two arch-enemies save the world. A good solid high-concept story.

The following example features the KGB man, Vasili Taleniekov. His task is to go back into Russia to smoke out some information on the conspiracy. This is a tough job, because he's a wanted man and his picture is posted in every KGB office in Russia. The KGB is claiming that Taleniekov has defected to the US and should be shot on sight. In truth, he is a loyal Russian intent on saving the Motherland from the conspiracy.

Taleniekov enters Russia from Finland, using a Finnish agent who believes he is American, and who has therefore "helped" him by setting up a driver -- an incompetent KGB agent who is currently an informer for the Americans. The driver's name is Maletkin. Our man Taleniekov must prevent Maletkin from panicking, must persuade him to help gather the information, and mustfind a way to get him hanged as a traitor.

Here then is the scene. I'll show it complete and then analyze the subtexting. Taleniekov has approached Maletkin's car while shielding his face, so Maletkin has not yet recognized him. The scene begins with Taleniekov leaning down into view and shoving his gun in Maletkin's face.

"Good morning, Comrade Maletkin. It is Maletkin, isn't it?"

"My God! You!"

With his left hand, Taleniekov reached in and held the flashlight, turning it slowly away, no urgency in the act. "Don't upset yourself," he said. "We have something in common now, haven't we? Why don't you give me the keys?"

What . . . what?" Maletkin was paralyzed; he could not speak.

"Let me have the keys, please," continued Vasili. "I'll give them back to you as soon as I'm inside. You're nervous, comrade, and nervous people do nervous things. I don't want you driving away without me. The keys, please."

The ominous barrel of the Graz-Burya was inches from Maletkin's face, his eyes shifting nervously between the gun and Taleniekov, he fumbled for the ignition switch and removed the keys. "Here," he whispered. "Thank you, comrade. And we are comrades, you know that, don't you? There'd be no point in either of us trying to take advantage of the other's predicament. We'd both lose."

Taleniekov walked around the hood of the car, stepped through the snowbank, and climbed in the front seat beside the morose traitor.

"Come now, Colonel Maletkin -- it is colonel, by now, isn't it? -- there's no reason for this hostility. I want to hear all the news."

Randy sez: In this short section, Vasili Taleniekov accomplishes the first of his objectives -- he prevents Maletkin from panicking.

Both men are in a very tight spot. Each is certain that the other is a traitor to Mother Russia. Each distrusts the other. Each would be better off with the other man dead.

Yet Taleniekov is in complete control of the situation, whereas Maletkin is sweating his socks off. What makes the difference?

Two things. First, Taleniekov was first to recognize the other man, so he's had the advantage of a few minutes of preparation before their meeting. Second, Taleniekov is a skilled agent, whereas Maletkin is a plodding incompetent who has risen to second-in-command at an obscure KGB outpost by reason of seniority.
These differences show up in their first exchange of dialogue:

Line 1: "Good morning, Comrade Maletkin. It is Maletkin, isn't it?"
Line 2: "My God! You!"

Randy sez: In Line 1, Taleniekov speaks calmly, matter-of-factly, greeting Maletkin by name. The subtext here is that "everything is normal." Taleniekov knows full well that Maletkin is dangerous. The man might try to ram him with the door, or pull a gun, or try to drive off, or radio for help, or any number of other obnoxious things. Taleniekov would then be forced to shoot Maletkin, but he'd rather not. By speaking calmly as if there is no danger, he actually REDUCES the danger.

In Line 2, Maletkin says exactly what he's thinking. He had believed he was picking up an American infiltrator. Instead, he's picking up the famous Vasili Taleniekov, who now knows that he, Maletkin, is a traitor. Rumors say that Taleniekov is also a traitor, but . . . is he? Maletkin can't know and he's terrified. His dialogue carries no subtext.

In the next exchange, Taleniekov moves from words to actions. Again, he moves calmly and deliberately, in full control of the weak-minded Maletkin:

Line 3: With his left hand, Taleniekov reached in and held the flashlight, turning it slowly away, no urgency in the act. "Don't upset yourself," he said. "We have something in common now, haven't we? Why don't you give me the keys?"

Line 4: What ... what?" Maletkin was paralyzed; he could not speak.

Randy sez: In Line 3, Taleniekov moves the flashlight out of his eyes and then assures Maletkin that they are both traitors. This reduces Maletkin's biggest fear – that Taleniekov will expose him to the KGB. Then, Taleniekov calmly asks for the keys. The subtext is that Maletkin is in no danger.

In Line 4, Maletkin's jabbering makes it clear that he is still out of control, but he is paralyzed into inaction. Again, Maletkin's lines carry no subtext. He is too much of a dullard to use subtexting.

Line 5: "Let me have the keys, please," continued Vasili. "I'll give them back to you as soon as I'm inside. You're nervous, comrade, and nervous people do nervous things. I don't want you driving away without me. The keys, please."

Line 6: The ominous barrel of the Graz-Burya was inches from Maletkin's face, his eyes shifting nervously between the gun and Taleniekov, he fumbled for the ignition switch and removed the keys. "Here," he whispered.

Randy sez: In Line 5, Taleniekov tells Maletkin exactly what he's thinking -- that he doesn't trust him. But he does it in a nice way: "You're nervous, comrade" -- and again, his voice is calm and sure. The subtext is clear -- "I am in control, even if you are just about to wet your pants."

In Line 6, the gun provides Maletkin with all the persuasion he needs. His fumbling actions make it clear that while he is not in control of the situation, he is also not going to do anything stupid. He's going to do whatever Taleniekov tells him. This paragraph is so nicely done that most readers will ignore the run-on first sentence, which really should have been fixed by the editor.

Line 7: "Thank you, comrade. And we are comrades, you know that, don't you? There'd be no point in either of us trying to take advantage of the other's predicament. We'd both lose."

Line 8: Taleniekov walked around the hood of the car, stepped through the snowbank, and climbed in the front seat beside the morose traitor.

Line 9: "Come now, Colonel Maletkin -- it is colonel, by now, isn't it? -- there's no reason for this
hostility. I want to hear all the news."

Randy sez: In Line 7, Taleniekov assures Maletkin that they are on the same side and that it would make no sense for either of them to try to take advantage. This is a flat lie. Taleniekov intends to force Maletkin to drive him to Leningrad, which will mean an awkward all-day absence from his real job at local KGB headquarters. Furthermore, Taleniekov intends to find a way to get Maletkin executed.

In Line 9, Taleniekov picks up the dialogue in a mock-friendly bantering tone that leaves no doubt that he is in charge and Maletkin had better do whatever he tells him.

I don't have space to show you how Taleniekov bullies Maletkin into driving him to Leningrad. However, I think it's worth showing a couple of lines a bit further down, in which Taleniekov sets a trap for Maletkin. They've been discussing the past few years, and Taleniekov idly mentions that he once heard Maletkin's name during a counter-intelligence investigation. Maletkin responds fearfully:


Line 10: "Me? I was brought up?"

Line 11: "Don't worry. I threw them off and protected you. You and the other man in Vyborg."

Randy sez: In Line 10, Maletkin reacts once again with no subtexting, saying exactly what he thinks. He's terrified that KGB has ever entertained the idea that he, Maletkin, might be a traitor.

In Line 11, Taleniekov responds with a series of lies. He implies that he, too, has been a traitor for some years. He says explicitly that he protected Maletkin from suspicion. Then he drops the bomb in an apparently off-the-cuff comment: he claims there is a second traitor in KGB Vyborg, (where Maletkin works).

Maletkin immediately reads the subtext of this claim – knowing the name of another traitor would give him a lot of power over that man. Maletkin will do anything to get the name of that traitor. Taleniekov promises to give him the name when they've finished their excursion.

In reality, there is no other traitor, and Taleniekov's goal here is to get Maletkin to cooperate fully for this mission and then to incriminate himself when he returns to work.

In the above example, we've seen an example of one-sided subtexting. Maletkin's half of the dialogue has no subtext. Taleniekov's half is packed full of subtext. There's no question which half is more fun to read.

Award-winning novelist Randy Ingermanson, "the Snowflake Guy," publishes the Advanced Fiction Writing E-zine, with more than 12,000 readers, every month. If you want to learn the craft and marketing of fiction, AND make your writing more valuable to editors, AND have FUN doing it, visit http://www.AdvancedFictionWriting.com